Never Be With You
by Amaya Rayne
Summary: Edward meets Bella by chance at a club & is not only instantly attracted to & thirsts for her, but uses her to overcome his inner monster. He immediately regrets his intentions & vows to make it up to her, falling in love in the process. E/B. M for SMUT
1. First Sight

**Never Be With You**

By Amaya Rayne

_Disclaimer: I do not own Edward, Alice, Jasper… any of the Cullen's or Bella… I don't own anyone mentioned in any of the Twilight books._

_Warning: I originally wrote this as a typical fiction story with my own created characters. It has been modified to fit the Twilight characters in order for me to post it here and get some feedback. I apologize for any inconsistencies or actions that uncharacteristic or impossible – due to Edward and his family being vampires. Please alert me of any problems and they will be fixed immediately. Thanks and enjoy!_

* * *

I sat at the bar and ordered a beer. I had come looking for a good time, but so far, I had found nothing to make the night close to being so. Running a hand through my bronze hair, I sighed and took a sip from the bottle. The alcohol was only a prop really. The liquid tasted like piss and really only increased my thirst. It had taken years to develop the restraint to drink – since drinking meant a human social scene and increased thirst and decreased conscious restraint was not a good combination.

I had no idea why I had decided to come. I would have been much more content staying at home strumming on the piano or filling my room with the acoustics of one of my favorite artists, but Alice had the great idea to go out dancing and would not accept no for an answer. Watching my four siblings each intimately close with their life partner and feeling my own loneliness, I was now in no mood for dancing.

The week had been hell. My family had been harassing me about my so called 'glum mood.' I knew their real mission was to set me up, but the constant trips or visitors really wasn't doing me any good. I don't know how they expected me to instantly develop feelings for someone I had known for close to a century. They thought if I found a companion, or even managed to just find some company for the night would cure me. Jasper had shared a few beers with me, not so subtly sending some sexual frustration my way, but had soon left my lousy company for the arms of Alice who was beckoning him out to the dance floor.

Maybe I just needed to go back to work.

My mind drifted toward my current project I was composing. It wasn't going well, especially since I had been spending all my time on it. Carlisle wasn't pleased when I made my decision to drop out of the new high school façade and become a composer, but he respected my wishes and carefully warned me about the Volturi and the consequences my decision would bring.

So far, I remained in a pleasant in and out of the public eye. I didn't attract enough attention to be a common household figure or harassed by tabloids, but enough that I fulfilled my desires and gained some fans. Alice kept a careful watch on the Volturi and fans to make sure they never became too curious about me and my abilities helped me retain the act so no one became too suspicious.

I turned in my chair, looking over the dance floor, wondering if it would be worth it at all to go out there. The more I looked, the more the answers leaned to no. Blonde women with busts too large to be natural made up the female population; their shirts cut low and cropped short – their skirts riding up to show only skin underneath. Normally I wouldn't have a problem with any of it, but tonight... Tonight a meaningless one night stand didn't seem like enough. I had done it in the past to satisfy my siblings and my worrisome adoptive parents. Hearing their thoughts constantly around me and worrying about me not only grew tiresome, but I hated causing them pain on my behalf. If I was going to do this, I wanted the thrill of a chase - my masculinity craved for it. I wanted to feel something.

Then I saw her. Her darker, wavey hair stood out somehow in the crowd of bottle blondes. My eyes roamed over her body and a smug smile formed on my lips. She was lean with an athletic build. Her body was shaped with muscle, adding to the sensuous curves of her body. She wasn't overly dressed either - no, quite the opposite: a simple, tight green camisole with snug jeans.

She didn't come here often, that was for sure. Not only had I never seen the likes of her before, but she didn't fit the social mold. Sandals instead of heals, pants instead of a skirt, and she wore a bra... a sexy orange one by the color of the straps and the cups peaking over the edge of her tank top. I groaned as my eyes stopped at her breasts, my smile disappearing. They were a handful, but nothing more - small even, and her ass...

I watched her dance, her hips moving erotically to the beat while her arms waved in the air, occasionally drifting down to bury in her thick waves. She might not fit the profile, but by the way she was dancing, she either didn't know or didn't care.

Before I knew what I was doing. I put my empty bottle on the bar and left my chair, heading toward her. Some unknown force drew me toward her, all my senses narrowing to focus on one soul target. I felt myself craving the touch of her flawless skin, to run my hands over the curve of her hips, her breasts, her ass. I wanted the press of her body against mine.

I stepped behind her and inhaled, letting my nose brush up against her hair. She smelled like heaven... freesia. Instantly, my throat burned like it had never before. Venom flowed into my mouth without restraint and I gasped at its potency, instantly stopping my breathing. I wanted her… like I'd never wanted anyone before. But I didn't just want her body, I wanted her blood. From where I was standing I could feel the heat radiating from her body, smell the tinge of sweat from her movements, but didn't touch her. I didn't trust myself to touch her.

But when her hips brushed against me in her dance, I couldn't help but gasp as I felt myself harden and instinctively grasp her hips.

For some unknown reason, the monster was repressed by a more dire need. I had never experienced a thirst like how I craved her, but somehow I craved her body more than her blood. The monster within me settled back, a smug smile at the thought of savagely having my way with her and then sinking my teeth into her neck. It would be the best night of my long life and I couldn't wait to enjoy it.

I had never felt this side of me before, this intense need on multiple levels. However, I let the monster continue on his current fantasy, knowing when the time came, I'd repress him to save her. I knew without a doubt that she would come with me, that I could entice her to want me even a fraction of the way that I wanted her, and I knew that it would take the greatest strength of my existence to not give into the monster.

I had to leave now. I knew it wasn't in me to have the strength to restrain the monster in me if I got that close to her. I could hardly find it in me to restrain from where I was currently. Her sent filled my nostrils even with my breath no longer bringing it in. The club was so crowded that I doubted anyone would notice if I dipped my head down and gently placed my teeth to where they longed to be. No one would think twice if I carried her limp body out of the club. It was too easy. And I desired it too much.

My head dipped on its own accord as I inhaled her sweet scent deeply and opened my mouth to take the bite.


	2. Unspoken Night

"EDWARD!" the screaming voice filled my mind and paused my movement.

Alice.

What I was about to do suddenly flooded my conscious. I closed my eyes in shame and deep regret, placing a chaste kiss on her throat instead.

I knew it was time to leave, but my suddenly clear head swam with guilt and unexplainable emotions. I felt anger… need… disappointment… regret… If I left now, the next years would slowly kill me. I didn't want to be ruled by the monster. I wanted to make love to this irresistible human and overcome its power over me. I wanted to stifle the need.

I refused to look up to meet my siblings' worried glances. I didn't want to be a vampire tonight. I didn't want to associate with vampires tonight. Tonight, I wanted to enjoy the human experiences I never had the chance to.

The girl before me didn't seem to mind having a new dance partner and didn't seem to notice the conflict that had built up within me. Her hips continued to grind into me as her hands brushed against mine before traveling up my forearms then burying in my hair.

I groaned and pressed myself closer, falling into her rhythm as I began to dance with her. I gave into my body's desires and let my hands travel up from her hips, brushing against the exposed flesh of her midriff, and up the sides of her ribcage. When my hands brushed against the sides of her breasts she gasped and tightened her grip on my hair, pushing hard into my groin.

I was horny as hell, but I couldn't tear myself away. I kept my motion and let her do hers. She could bring me to the edge of an orgasm or beyond and still I don't think I would have stopped her. It felt too damn good. Although, as this continued, I began seriously considering ravishing her right there on the dance floor.

The song ended before I could lose control and her hips stopped for the first time. Her head fell back onto my shoulder as she tried to regain her breathing. I took the chance to try to stem my reaction.

She threw a glance over her shoulder before leaving the dance floor. Not knowing what else to do, I followed.

She leaned against the bar and ordered a drink. "I was wondering how long it would take you to come dance with me," she spoke idly as she waited for the barman to return. When I didn't answer, she turned to me with a smile. "I saw you watching me."

"Too bold?"

"On the contrary," she replied, accepting her water. "I don't think you noticed, but I was watching you, too."

I instantly turned on my charm, flashing her a careful smile. "Like what you see, love?"

Her smile widened and she sipped her drink, her eyes not leaving mine. "Your dancing could use a little work."

I gawked, my reaction amusing her. "I think it's pretty impressive that I'm standing after the things you were doing to me out there."

Any human would be a puddle on the dance floor after her teasing.

"Brain in the bucket?"

"I'm going to need about three cold showers if I don't convince you to come home with me."

She choked on her drink. "Now that was bold."

"It's true."

Her eyes flitted down to inspect the signs before meeting my eyes again. "No doubt."

"Besides, you didn't seem to worry about boldness out there." I mentioned, nodding toward the dance floor. Her eyes followed my motion.

"I'm sure you could avoid that cold shower. Any woman in here would go with you if you asked," she said nonchalantly, still staring out at the bottle blondes.

I stepped closer to her, leaning in to whisper in her ear. "I don't want just any woman."

I felt the shiver that snaked through her before she leaned back slightly and extended her hand.

"Cassidy."

First names...

I took her hand in mine, bending to place a kiss on her knuckles. "Edward."

Her eyebrow cocked at my action, and she studied me. I should have recognized her distance as being taken or unwanting, but I didn't want to ask in case the answer wasn't what I wanted to hear. So, I did what any horny man who wanted a woman did.

"Let me buy you a drink.

She hesitated, but relented. "Coke."

"Your wish is my command."

I motioned to the bartender and ordered her a jack-and-coke. Naturally, one would put liquor in a carbonated beverage. It never occurred to me that she simply wanted the coke.

Two drinks later, I dragged her back onto the dance floor, regretting the decision almost immediately. I had long ago lost track of how much I had consumed and the feel of her close to me was harder to repress than before. Her breasts pressed against me and her hands traveled freely over me. I let her do as she wanted until her fingertips innocently brushed over my nipples under my shirt. My arms tightened around her and my breath caught in my throat. Seeing my reaction, she repeated the action.

I dropped my head onto her shoulder, groaning and carefully kissed the exposed skin. "You're treading dangerous ground, love."

Her breath brushed against my ear as she spoke. "How dangerous?"

I opened my mouth to reply when I felt her fingers weave in my hair, massaging my scalp and causing the sensation of my hair standing on end.

"Bloody hell!"

I crushed my lips into hers, groaning like a dead man as I kissed her passionately, telling her everything I wanted to do to her. She responded, opening her mouth and tracing her tongue over my lips. Slipping my hands into her back pockets, I squeezed her firm ass and pressed her into me, making sure she knew what she did to me.

Her moan in response undid me. I had to have her... NOW!

I broke away and pulled her toward the exit, opening the door of my car and helping her in, practically running to the other side.

The drive was a blur, my free hand constantly touching her and my foot pressing a little too hard on the gas peddle, but it wasn't long before I pulled into the parking lot of my privately owned apartment. We all needed a little space sometimes. Instead of running to Europe, I often ran down the block. I quickly dragged her up my porch steps to the front door.

Somehow I managed to unlock the door and get us both inside, but as soon as the door shut I was all over her. I pressed her against the wall, holding her knee to my hip to get closer to her. I ravished her mouth, my hands slipping the straps of her tank down her shoulders. I kissed a path down her neck and over her shoulders before pulling the shirt off completely.

"Edward..."

"I know... oh god you're so beautiful." I managed to pick her up and make it to the bedroom, shedding my shirt in the process. The feel of her satin bra brushing against my bare chest was more than I could bear. I collapsed on top of her on the bed, pulling off her shoes and jeans along with mine.

"You deserve... but oh god I want you so much. I'll make it up to you, I promise."

I thrust a finger into her, pulling her panties off with my other hand. She yelped in surprise, her hips shooting off the bed. Her eyes were wide, her chest heaving.

"Oh, god, you're so wet, so ready for me."

I shed my boxers quickly, continuing to stroke her hard. I unclasped her bra and threw it to the floor, my mouth seeking out her nipples. Her moans filled the room and her hips started to press against my hand.

I moved from her breasts to kiss her, whispering her name against her lips as I slipped into her.

Her body tensed and she screamed from under my mouth.

I buried my head in her shoulder. "Fuck, you're tight. Oh... shit..."

I fought desperately to hold on to my control. Oh, she was warm and like a death grip on me.

"Relax, love," I grunted, "or this is going to be over before it begins."

Slowly her muscles loosened and I felt her body relax. Only then did I give into the need to move.

I started slow, feeling the need to give her a little more time to accustom herself with my size, and built into a comfortably fast pace. Her hand gripped my back like a vice as I pumped into her, grunting every time we smacked together.

"Cassidy... god... let go, cum for me. I can't..." I reached down and squeezed her clit, feeling her tighten in response. I yelled as my body became taunt and I spilled my load into her.

I collapsed, spent, on top of her. Immediately, I shut off my brain, hoping she'd turn take it as my passing out. I had no. I had no other choice. The monster's need was sure to return and I forced myself to overcome his powerful draw on me. It would be a long night for sure, especially since I had no intention of running.


	3. Morning After

_Author's Note: Thanks to those of you who added to your story update list or reviewed. Please review with thoughts / feelings / questions / concerns / etc. Some of you had asked about Cassidy and Bella... well, the answer will come up in the next chapter, which I will try my best to get up asap... it needs some editing work before it can be posted, and from there it might be awhile since chapter five is not yet written and school will take a top priority. Let me know what you think!_

I finished my distracting exercises early in the morning to find her body pleasantly pressed into me, cradled in my arms. Ignoring the burning thirst due to her close proximity, I pressed a kiss to her shoulder. It was morning... Friday, and for once I had had no where to be, no one to put a show on for - all day to spend with this woman in my bed, who at the moment was blissfully asleep.

I took the time to reacquaint myself with her body. God, she was beautiful. Her skin was like satin under my fingers, her hair like silk, her lips - velvet. I kissed her gently and fully, pulling away as I felt her awake.

"Good morning, love," I greeted, placing a kiss on her nose.

It didn't take long for the sleep to clear her eyes, and she stared at me, wide eyed.

"Who are - " then the recognition showed in her eyes. "Edward..."

"Don't look so happy to see me," I teased as the look of horror didn't leave her face.

Instantly, my thoughts swam as I registered the horror on my face. Did she recognize what I was? Had I slipped up in the night? She showed no signs to pain and I knew by the taste in my mouth that my venom had not left my mouth to enter her system. I knew the possibility of her being more bruised or sore than usually was very high, but I had been overly cautious, knowing that if I lost the least bit of control, not only would I hurt her, but the monster would make an appearance.

"Oh my god. Last night...we..."

I sighed, relief filling me. "Amazing, but I fully intend to make use of this entire morning making it up to you."

I leaned to kiss her, but she pushed me away, scrambling out of bed, clutching the blanket to her chest. I tugged on it.

"Nothing there I haven't seen."

She hurriedly threw on her panties, pants, and bra. I sat up, looking at her curiously. "What are you doing?"

"I have to go," she stuttered searching for her shirt. "Oh god, Charlie's going to kill me," she muttered under her breath."

"Charlie?"

Her lack of answer gave me the slight inkling that Charlie was a boyfriend… husband… some significant man in her life. By the way she was acting, I came to the conclusion that last night wasn't supposed to happen.

I wasn't afraid of a guy coming to 'set me in my place' after bedding his girl for obvious reasons. But maybe I was letting my imagination get the best of me. Maybe Charlie was a roommate… Charlie could be a girl's name – short for Charlotte…

She froze, obviously not expecting me to hear that. "I have to get home. What time is it?"

"Almost eight," I replied, glancing at the clock.

"Shit! Can I borrow your phone to call a cab?"

"No worries, I'll give you a lift." I climbed out of bed and her eyes drifted down my body, blushing as she quickly looked away.

"I - I don't think that's a good idea..."

"What's wrong?" I grabbed her arm, but she pulled away.

"Do you see my shirt anywhere?"

"Cassidy." I pulled her before me, just noticing the tears running down her cheeks. "What is it?"

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come with you last night. I shouldn't be here. I have to go. I'm late and I - and I...I - "

"Shh... slow down, love. Take a breath." My words only caused her to cry harder. I tried to pull her close to comfort her, but she shook me away.

"I'm sorry. I'm sure you're a really good guy and all, but... I'll never forget you or last night, but I really can't stay here."

She practically ran from the bedroom. I grabbed my boxers and jeans, shoving my legs in them before following her. She was halfway out the door, with a shirt on, when I caught up to her.

"At least let me give you a ride."

"I can't... if they see you - "

"Is your car at the club?" she stopped to think about it. "I assume these are yours?" I asked, holding up a pair of keys I'd found on the floor of the bedroom. She nodded. "I'll drive you to your car."

She didn't argue and followed me wordlessly to the car and climbed in. She said nothing the whole drive to the club, huddled close to the door, with her eyes tightly closed. It was obvious she was feeling the aftereffects of her alcohol, but there was more to her condition than that. Her confident, sexy pose seemed to have disappeared from last night. I only hoped I wasn't the cause of it.

I pulled into the parking lot and she pointed out her vehicle in as few words as possible - a rundown truck. It was a red Chevy that looked about a half century old in make.

I grabbed her arm as she opened the door and made to step out.

"Can I call you?"

She shook her head.

"I'd like to see you again."

"I don't think that's wise."

"Why? Because we had a night of intimacy? Does it have to be a one night stand, shake hands, and never see each other again?"

"Last night was a mistake, nothing more - "

"This isn't just about the sex. I enjoyed it, I won't deny that, but I don't want our relationship to be developed solely around it. I'm attracted to you and I want to get to know you."

She shook her head and pulled my hand from her arm. "I'm sorry. I have to go."

I watched her get into her car and drive away. I almost followed her to see where she went, but decided that if she didn't want me, then that was her decision.

The rejection hurt, but for the first time in years I felt like a normal guy. Women were usually attracted, and if they overcame the survival feeling of fear (or if they even possessed survival instincts at all), I would be the one rejecting.

Cassidy was different. She never once acknowledged me by more than my first name – no pet names or slip ups of past lovers - just the name I had given her. Nor did she mention my job or social status. It was almost as if she didn't recognize me as anything more than a man who had picked her up at a club.

I sighed and turned on the radio. I had to come up with something to do. It was Saturday after all and I was blissfully free. I needed something that would help take my mind off of her.

When I arrived back, one look around my place summed it up.

Clean.

Maybe I was lucky she decided not to stay because if she had bothered to look around, she'd been disgusted by the lack of tidiness. It had finally gone beyond the bachelor pad look. I had been spending a lot of time here, and since Alice wasn't constantly there to be picky about taking care of the designer clothes she insisted I wear, I obviously fell back on lazy habits.

I threw a pile of clothes in the hamper, stopping to think about the red striped oxford in my hand.

I walked to the bedroom and was bombarded by the scent of sex, sweat, and her. I looked longingly at the bed, not minding the scent for once, but sadly, it seemed, the sheets would be among the first things in the wash.

I began removing them without thinking, but something on the blue fabric caught my eye and I stopped.

Blood.

Immediately, I had to turn around and leave the room, my hands clutching my hair and pulling in agony. She was alive when you dropped her off, I told myself. She would have been in immediate agony had I bit her and there was no way she could have hid a pain like that well.

My legs gave out and I sat heavily on the edge of the bed. Shit, what had I done?

When I stopped to think about it, it all made sense - her avoiding the topic, her ignorant dancing, her lack of participation, and her reaction this morning. She was a virgin. And I had just taken it without a thought, so carelessly. I used her. I abused her. I didn't even give her the pleasure of an orgasm... nor had I used protection.

What I couldn't believe is how I hadn't smelled the blood. I knew if I had reached my senses she would have been dead before another thought could have entered my mind. I was relieved for my ability to distract myself and I felt a large victory over my inner monster, but I couldn't overcome the guilt I felt.

Burying my hands further into my hair, I muttered curses under my breath. The girl couldn't have been as old as I thought.

"_My parents are going to kill me." _

Immediately I stood up and began pacing. What if she was a minor? I not only had sex with her, I got her drunk beforehand. The drinks… ordering a coke ... I was the one buying, not her.

Shit. I had to see her again. I had to talk things through and make right on my actions. I had never been so careless before. I had never felt like such an idiot. Somehow I would find her and somehow I would repay her for the pain I no doubt caused.


	4. Realizations

_Author's Note: There have been two paragraph additions to chapter one which will help the development of Edward a little more. Notice he didn't meet Bella through high school because he doesn't go to Forks High. Please check chapter one to avoid confusion._

* * *

I don't know how long I laid there, fisting the stained sheets, wishing it was only my imagination running away with me. I couldn't have been that stupid. I couldn't even blame it on too much to drink – in the past I'd consumed much more and still managed to remain level-headed. It was that woman – girl. She made the whole world turn upside down.

The worst feeling was the helplessness of the situation. I didn't get her phone number, hell, I didn't even get her last name! I would have traded my life for one of the two.

A shrill ring interrupted my self-loathing and an unwelcome vibration from inside my pocket. Groaning, I shoved my hand in my pocket.

"What?"

"We need to talk…"

"Alice, now is not the time – "

"Well, if now is not the time then the time better be very soon. The decisions you are making weren't quite what I had in mind when I said you needed – "

"Maybe some other time, Alice? I don't need your lecture right now." I rubbed my temples, frustrated with the whole situation

Alice huffed, obviously upset with me. "If I can't talk some sense into, will you at least explain to me what the _hell you were thinking_?!"

"Yeah, the world's fucked up."

"Edward…"

"Look. I don't want to talk about my decisions. You don't know why I did what I did or why I'm going to do what I'm going to do. I have to, okay?"

"What did you do?" Alice asked, by her voice, her anger was fading back to the familiar worrying.

"I think you know as well as I do what I did, Alice."

"Yeah, and I also saw the various things you _wanted _to do and kept me damned well staring at the frickin' wall concentrating on you all night."

"It's not my fault you worry about me too much!"

She was quiet for a minute and when she spoke it was in a calm, quiet voice. "Edward, we worry because we care. You're my brother. I don't like seeing you unhappy."

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Like I said, the world's fucked up. If you find a cure to that, let me know."

I hung up and tossed the phone away, staring up at the ceiling. I knew hanging up on Alice was the least of my worries and by the tone of her voice she wouldn't be overly upset about it. I didn't dwell on it, instead I turned my attention to a more pressing matter. How the hell was I going to make this right?

The first thing that came to mind was alcohol, and I angrily dragged myself from the bed. I didn't even bother trying to wash the ruined sheets, but instead tossed them in the rubbish bin. Who cares if they had cost a pretty penny? The mere sight of them repulsed me.

I felt a renewed vigor to use my trashed bedroom to unleash my pent up stress. I threw clothes into drawers, my music onto their respective shelves, and everything else in the closet to deal with another day.

_She wanted it_. I kept telling myself _I didn't force myself on her. She was responsive to all my actions – led me on, even!_

But none of the reassurance made me feel any better. It was all out of ignorance and I never gave her a chance to refuse.

I was about to give up the task and get out of the house to blow off some steam when I felt something cool beneath my foot. A penny – which ended up bouncing off the far wall – but there was a trail of it. Thinking it spilled out of my pocket, I turned to ignore it when I spotted a wad of folded bills. This caught my attention because I never left any of my cash like that. I picked up the money and counted fifty dollars … and something solid. Thinking it was a credit card, I flipped it over. My breath caught.

A pair of familiar brown eyes stared at me and dark hair my fingers had become too acquainted with.

My eyes skimmed over the print, no doubt seeking her birth date, but the unfamiliar name stopped me.

"Isabella Swan," I spoke aloud, my voice breathless as my eyes flitted to the picture. It was her alright. Fake name; clever. I found her birth date easily thereafter and surprised myself when I found that her age being seventeen didn't settle the knot in my stomach. I suddenly knew I wouldn't rest easy until I spoke to her – face to face.

I looked at the name again and realization suddenly hit me. Charlie. Isabella Swan. She was Chief Charlie Swan's daughter. I closed my eyes with a groan. It figures her father would be the small town's cop. I knew him personally and had heard rumors that his daughter was coming to stay with him for the upcoming school year.

Without a second thought, I shoved the ID and money in my pocket, threw on a shirt, and grabbed my keys.

I stood on the porch, straining with my mind to hear something as I waited for the door to open. It had taken me over an hour to make the drive to her house. Her car missing from the driveway increased my worry that she wouldn't be home. Running over the possibilities of my next plan of action, I shoved my hands in my pockets, throwing a nervous look over my shoulder.

I had no idea what I waited for. I knew this house and I knew Charlie Swan wouldn't be home. It occurred to me then that that I knew where I could find Isabella Swan. Without a second thought, I hopped back into the car and took off for Forks High.

I was thankful for the dreary typical Washington day. Had the sun been out I don't know how I would have found the restraint to keep from exposing what I was. Quickly, I headed for the main office, leaving my car illegally parked. The elderly woman seated at the desk didn't look away from her computer, only pushed a clipboard toward me. "Sign in."

It was a sheet for tardy students.

"I'm looking for Isabella Swan. Do you know where I can find her?"

She paused her typing long enough to glance at me. I could hear through her thoughts that she immediately recognized me and her slight surprise to find me here looking for the sheriff's daughter. She pushed another clipboard toward me. "Sign in."

Visitors. I scribbled my name on the line.

"Please… Ms. Cope," I read from her name plate on the desk. "I really need to speak with Isabella Swan." I turned on my charm, flashing a small smile.

"It's not appreciated by the teachers to allow interruptions during class, Mr. Cullen."

"I understand completely, and wish for all the students to get the best education. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't important."

She stared at me as if weighing the sincerity of my words before turning back to her computer. I opened my mouth to argue my case further when she spoke.

"She's in Trigonometry, but you better hurry. Class lets out in a few minutes."

Her warning didn't fall on deaf ears. I leaned over the desk and kissed her on the cheek, my grin wide.

"Thank you."

I tried to calm myself and exit the office as naturally as possible, but didn't get more than a few feet before a buzzing sound stopped me in my tracks. Classroom doors opened and dozens – no _hundreds_ – of teenagers flowed onto the lawn of the small campus.

"Shit."

I didn't attract much attention at first, but immediately name emerged, first in thoughts and then in whispers. Jasper suddenly appeared and started toward me, but I purposely headed in the opposite direction to show him I was here for different reasons.

A dark haired girl emerged from the small building I headed towards with the flow of students, standing out to me like a beacon of light. She hadn't changed – wearing the same green shirt and jeans – but had her hair pulled back. She paused, turning to see what the commotion was about before her eyes locked on me. Her face morphed instantly to the same horrified recognition it had when she awoke this morning.

People stopped to stare all around me, keeping a distance, but not moving out of my path and I tried to politely push my way through toward her. Her eyes never left mind and her mouth opened to whisper the words.

"Edward… Cullen."

She put a hand over her face and rushed off in the opposite direction as the cafeteria where the small school's population held their lunch session. Temporarily forgetting my image and reputation, I unkindly pushed my way through the hoard of high schoolers.

I caught her halfway across the campus field, grabbing her arm to face me.

"Cassidy," I involuntarily called, out of breath from the struggle. She threw me off, backing away.

"What are you doing here?" she seethed. "How…"

The hoard was following. "We need to talk. Is there somewhere we could go?"

Distantly, I heard the buzz from the school sounding.

"I need to get to class," she muttered, moving as if to pass me. I grabbed to stop her. "Don't touch me!"

"Cass – Isabella! Just talk to me."

She froze. "How do you…"

"It's not hard to find someone in a small town – "

"I can't believe you followed me here!"

"My family lives here."

She blushed red and ducked her head away from me, hiding her face behind a veil of her thick brown hair.

"Please just give me a few minutes. I'll make sure you get back for your next class."

She looked skeptical, but resigned. "You're not going to try anything, are you?"

"You pick the place." I conceded, but cast a look over my shoulder at the bunch of girls not returning to the building. "But I'd rather it not be too public."

"There's nothing to be said. Last night happened. I'm sure you had plenty of one night stands. Let's keep it at that. I said I didn't want to see you again."

"Let's walk this way," I suggested, out of range of the eavesdroppers. Thankfully, she followed, though at a safe difference. "First, I think you'd be wanting this." I reached in my pocket and handing her the wad of bills, reaching back in for her license.

She stopped in her tracks. "What do you think I am? A whore? Was it really like that to you?" she practically screamed, throwing the bills at me and turning to run back to the building.

"Isabella!" I reached for her, keeping her from escaping.

"I don't want your mon…ey…"

"I found it all at my apartment. Thought you'd want it returned to you."

"Oh…" her cheeks turned red and she ducked her head, bending to pick up the money. "I thought…"

"I know."

We stood there in silence for a long moment before I finally spoke.

"Look, I had no idea that you never – I thought you were older… more experienced…"

"It's alright," she brushed me off, but refused to look at me, "I shouldn't have brought you on like that. I should have – I had too much to drink and you were there…"

"I shouldn't have offered."

"I shouldn't have accepted."

I looked at her, turning her to meet my eyes. "We're okay… _you're_ okay?"

She nodded. "It's not like you… I wanted it. It's not your fault."

"And it's not yours. I feel bloody horrible about how I treated you. Let me make it up to you. At least let me buy you a cup of tea… coffee… whatever you drink. I know that hangover's feeling horrid right about now."

"A hot chocolate would be nice."

I nodded. "I'm parked out front," I told her, leading the way, and adding under my breath, "Maybe we'll be able to make it there without being seen."


	5. Friends

I watched as she sat and idly stirred her drink, her eyes glazed over in thought and her face looking pale contrary of the steam rising from the cup;

"Are you sure you're alright?"

She lifted her head and gave me a slight smile. "I will be."

"Still feeling sick from last night?"

She nodded, but didn't elaborate further.

I felt like I had never been in a more awkward situation in my life. Here I was, trying to have a normal conversation with a girl that was not only years younger than me, but obviously was having mixed feelings about how to act around me. She paused before replying to anything, as if thinking through her answer, like I could use anything she said like some tabloid reporter against her. I had never craved to know what she was thinking more. I strained my abilities in her direction, concentrating solely on her and wishing to hear anything.

Silence.

The attraction was there between us and the tension was obvious, or maybe it was the intensified thirst that hit me renewed this morning. If not for the age and species differences, the tension would no doubt be sexual, but the girl was bloody terrified of me.

As she should be. I was scared of myself around her.

The hot chocolate seemed to loosen her up a little and returned a little color returned to her face.

"We need to talk about last night," I broached the subject after a period of silence, lowering my voice and looking her in the eye. I needed her to talk not only to get the guilt off my chest, but to distract the bloody craving and the burning in my throat.

She lowered her mug and stirred the liquid with a spoon. "I know."

"I had absolutely no intention of violating you in any way and if you can believe me, I really had no intention of taking you home with me when I approached you."

Her eyes finally met mine, a somewhat surprised look on her face. "Really?"

"I was attracted to you – wanted to dance with you, take you out for coffee afterward or maybe leave with your phone number to save it for another day. I drank more than I should have, and I think that was mutual."

She nodded, looking back down into her mug.

"I don't want what happened to possibly ruin the connection between us."

She swallowed heavily. "Connection?"

I sighed, trying to think of a way to explain what I felt around her.

"You want to still see me still? Now that you know who and what I am?"

"To know who you are would take more than a one night stand."

"I don't know if I'm ready to jump into a relationship…"

"Then how would you feel about friendship? Get to know each other?"

"You want to be friends with me?"

"Why not?"

She stared at me, mouth agape like a fish. Her mouth opened, but closed every time as if every reason she came up with wasn't viable.

"_You_ want to be _friends_ with _me_?"

I fought back a smile, her astonishment amusing me. "I know it's an odd foundation to start on and our conflicting schedules may make getting together a little difficult, but I think it would be nice to get together when time allows."

"You want to start a difficult relationship with me? One that is inconvenient?"

"It's not terribly inconvenient. We live close enough."

She thought about what I said, and her lack of reaction told me that she believed this to be a way of making things right… she never expected me to follow through and call her.

"Alright."

I would prove her wrong.

I smiled broadly and picked up my mug, holding it up for a toast. "To new friendship."

We agreed to meet the next weekend at a coffeehouse, but Bella hesitantly agreed to another further from her high school campus, but not too far from her home. I arrived hours before our arranged time to look over a script that had been sent to me and found it nice to get out of the house for once.

She looked nervous to say the least, when she walked cautiously into the room, and I wondered what happened to the confident figure I had met at the club. I didn't know if was me who caused her to act skittish and uncomfortable or if she was simply in her element when dancing. Her hair was pulled back and her face bare without make-up. Her body was tense with her hands shoved deep in her pockets and she looked nervously around the room's occupants.

I raised a hand slightly to catch her eye. Once she recognized me, she headed toward me keeping her eyes on surveying her surroundings.

"Hello," I greeted, pushing out a chair for her. She sat down stiffly, clutching her car keys.

"Hello, yourself," she replied before clearing her throat.

"Would you like anything to drink? Can I order you something?" I offered.

"This isn't a date. I can order myself, thanks." She stood up quickly and headed to the register to place her order.

I leaned back and crossed my legs as I forced myself not to watch her.

She returned minutes later and sat softly down, staring into her cup. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound harsh, it's just… I feel like I'm sneaking around with you, ya know? Like having an affair or something."

"It's not like that, and I definitely don't want you to feel that way. My intentions here forward are strictly friendship." I tried to reassure her.

She nodded, still keeping her head ducked low. "I know, it's just I couldn't really tell anyone where I was going or who am meeting because… well…" she blushed and faltered with her words.

"Because of who I am?"

She glanced up at me and smiled slightly. "Yes. I figured that since you avoided meeting at the popular high school hangout that you didn't want to get ambushed by crazy teenagers again."

I laughed slightly, "That was my intention. I had to speak with you, so I braved all hell!" I joked.

"Then you can understand my surprise at you wanting to meet with me again – thinking that I was just a 'crazy teenage fan.' I have to admit that I still don't quite understand your intentions."

"Friendship, I can assure you."

"I hope you don't mind me asking, but why do you want to be friends with me?"

"Cass – Isa – " Hell, I didn't even know what to call her. I took a deep breath. "Contrary to what you may have read in the tabloids or your teen magazines, I don't just go out and pick up women every night and forget about them. I had planned on getting to know you more, like I said, but you seduced me."

She was quite for a minute and nodded her head. "I can deal with that, I guess. But first we need to clear up one fact: I did not seduce you."

I smiled slightly, but nodded. "Whatever you say."

"Bella," she said, sticking out her hand.

I stared at it, wondering what she was doing. "Eh, pardon?"

"My name. I didn't introduce myself properly when we met, and if we want to get off to a clean start, you might as well start calling me by my name."

I smiled and leaned forward, accepting her hand and bringing it to my lips to kiss her knuckles. "And I am still Edward. It is a pleasure to meet you, Isabella."

"Bella," she corrected, withdrawing her hand. "And ya know, you don't have to try to charm me; we're friends, not potential lays."

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. "It's proper to greet a lady in such a manner upon meeting her."

She laughed and took a sip from her mug. "Well, I am no lady, I can assure you. And this is the twenty-first century. People don't talk like that anymore."

"Of course you are. And I'm a bit old fashioned if you haven't noticed."

She stared up at the ceiling and bit her lip. Waving her hand around a little, "So are you telling me that in all old fashion tradition, you're one of those men who greats everyone with a kiss on each cheek?"

"Only women." I said seriously.

She noted my serious reaction and stopped laughing. "Who does that anymore?"

"It's a European thing."

"You've lived in Europe?"

"Long enough to pick up some traditions."

"What part?"

"A little everywhere, but England for the longest."

She stared at me, her mouth agar for a moment before she could regain her voice. "Well, I'm sorry to burst your English bubble, but the day we go to England you can do that. Meanwhile, while we're in America, we greet the American way."

I couldn't help but smile. "And which way would that be?"

She shrugged, looking at the people sitting around her, who all happened to be singles reading the paper or a book. "A smile and a wave? 'Hi?'"

My smile cracked wider and I couldn't help but laugh. She looked at me curiously, and I explained that I was kidding about the kiss greeting and I only kissed her knuckles because my mother taught me to be a gentleman when meeting a lady.

She pouted slightly, turning her body away from me. "Well, like I said before, I'm no lady, and if you plan on sticking around you'll see that."

With the opening conversation under her belt, she loosened up to me, and although the following conversations were slightly awkward, the tenseness was gone. The conversations were filled with small-talk: what had happened during the week and other such details. I avoided work when answering my questions, which made everything quite boring and useless, but it was for the best. She'd see that I wasn't the pop partier as I was often portrayed, just a boring guy between jobs.

"Well, what about this, then?" she said motioning to the script on the table. "It seems you have something to do."

"Oh, just a piece I've been working on."

"Ya? What's it about?"

I hesitated, not sure how much detail to go into the song. She was a teenage girl after all, and I had only just met her and didn't know how much I could trust her with without spoiling to the media.

"Look," she started before I had the chance to answer. "I don't know about the secrecy of the music business, and to tell you the truth I don't know a whole lot about you or the tabloids either. I'm not going to go advertising this with my girlfriends or anyone else for that matter. I know work is a big part of your life and if you want to be friends like you claim, you would include all aspects of your life. Otherwise, you might as well sit here and tell me you're someone your not."

I thought over her words and swallowed. "In that case – "

"Unless you're not comfortable about that," she hurried on, as if just realizing what she had said. "I mean, I realize that we just met and you probably think I'm just some kid, and I'm sure there are things that you wouldn't want to talk about and I wouldn't be offended…"

"Bella," I interrupted, touching her hand to quiet her, a motion which seemed to startle her. "You don't need to be so paranoid. You want the type of friendship that we can tell each other anything with no secrets, then that's what we'll have."

She thought about it for a second. "On second thought, let's just see where things take us. See where the relationship goes."

I smiled and leaned back in my chair. "Sounds fantastic."

"I'm just saying in essence, that you can trust me, is all. While all my friends are drooling and crushing over you, wondering what you're like, I'll keep my mouth shut and go on about Johnny Depp," she said with a smile

I laughed, "So all your friends are fans, but you don't fall in that pattern?"

"It's not what you think. Sure you're a great guy and all, but you're not my type, and they would have killed me if they had known that when I met you I didn't even recognize you."

"So, let me ask you something. If you're not attracted to me and I'm 'not your type' why did you dance and come home with me that night?"

Her face fell to a frown and her eyes turned away. "I – I don't know," she stuttered. "It was probably whatever you put in my coke. But can we start fresh, without reflecting on the past? I mean, you said it was uncharacteristic of you and it was definitely uncharacteristic of me, so why don't we agree that we hit it off at a club and parted our ways. I'll even go as low to say that I gave you my phone number."

"I'm sorry and I understand that the night pains you, but if we pretend it never happened then we really can't get closure."

"Don't worry about me," she brushed away my attempt to be sentimental. "I have tough skin. I can take care of myself."


	6. Home

_Author's Note: So I'm thoroughly upset with whoever illegally posted Midnight Sun on the internet, though it was nice to be able to read part of it, it wasn't even through my favorite chapter – 13 - and now we're all going to have to wait 'indefinitely' for it to appear in print. Argh! For those of you who haven't heard…. __/midnightsun.html_

_On a more positive note. Thanks to all of you who have added the story to your alerts or favorites. I would very much enjoy your feedback. And once again, the name of the girl in the first chaper is not an error. _

_Now… onto the story._

* * *

She reluctantly agreed to meet me again the following week, claiming that she was far behind on schoolwork and she could make time for me no sooner. I accepted this, knowing her excuse was just to put some space between us and to figure things out. I couldn't blame her; I was a strange man who was a mix of fictional characters she had seen on magazine covers and heard through the radio who had picked her up at a club, gotten her drunk for the first time and stolen her virginity who now was asking to get to know her better. I couldn't imagine what exactly was going through the young girl's mind.

However, my empty vacation days quickly became very dull after the sudden burst of excitement and I couldn't help but look forward to our next meeting. I promised myself to make it less awkward for her. I had no idea how I would go about it, but I knew that if I wanted to remedy my actions and make this work I would have to find a way.

I was restless for the rest of the week. I spent the nights composing or strumming on my piano or guitar. I would daydream and come to realizing with a shutter the memory of how roughly I took her without a second thought. The night haunted me.

But I also couldn't get her out of my head for other reasons. I was incredibly attracted to her, which caught me off-guard because she was not my type at all. She was intellectual, withdrawing, and not the super-model or celebrity-idolizing type that I usually migrated towards. She had a nice look to her, but she was by no means beautiful. But she had this air of confidence about her, well, before I shattered it with my lust. The way she carried herself and the deep look in her eyes intrigued me and I had a feeling that's what drew me to know her almost equally to my deep guilt.

I couldn't believe that of everything, I was unconvincingly attracted to the one human who I could not hear her thoughts and who's blood called to me so potently. It couldn't be coincidence. I vaguely wondered if she was one of the Volturi come to haunt me and ruin me for attracting attention to our kind.

I tried to concentrate on my upcoming performance, but I couldn't focus, my mind drifting off in every direction. I knew I would regret my lack of concentration later when it came to performing, but my career seemed unimportant. I never actually performed before an audience, only in radio stations and recording studios, but I knew that if I couldn't focus now I wouldn't be able to focus then and my well-known, most popular pieces would take an unpredictable turn.

So, I spent my days lounging on my couch and staring mindlessly at the television, not really registering anything and only hunting when I had to. I decided I needed a distraction, so I grabbed my keys and headed home.

I knew Alice had seen my decision to come and would have everyone expecting me. I had no idea what to expect. It had been a week since I had last seen my siblings and I knew my parting was not the best note to leave.

Of course, my petite sister sat on the front steps, waiting for me. No doubt she wanted some answers before I was bombarded.

_It's about time you came home. I was starting to think you had forgotten about us._

"Alice," I greeted, shutting the door of my Volvo and quickly appearing by her side, taking a seat beside her. "You know better than anyone that I had some issues to deal with."

_Yes, I take you to Seattle to get you out of the house and you pick the one girl from our small town, the sheriff's daughter no less_. She rolled her eyes, scenes of the shy girl flashing through her memory.

"Bella." By the pictures in her mind it was obvious that her behavior at the school on Friday was not uncharacteristic. Her behavior at the club seemed to be the spontaneous side of her. I made a mental note to ask her about it when I next saw her, only to remember my promise never to bring it up again.

"Did you see it coming?" I asked her, curious to know if she took me to that particular club on purpose or why she hadn't stopped it sooner.

_I didn't see anything until it was almost too late…_ I saw my body pressed against the girl's form from behind. My eyes dark and my teeth gleaming as I lowered my lips to her throat.

"Alice," I groaned, shaking my head to try to rid my head of the images she saw. The image vanished.

She was quiet for a moment and the next words I heard weren't spoken out loud. _I had never seen you like that before, Edward. You scared me._

I sighed. "I scared myself."

_Why?_ she whispered.

"Why did I do it? I've never had someone's blood smell so sweet. It called to me. I literally couldn't resist…"

_What made you stop?_

"I didn't want to. I was going to run, but for some reason she called to me in more ways than just thirst. It was so much more than lust – that I could have walked away from. I wanted to prove to 

myself more than anything that I was stronger than the monster in me… I wanted to be human for one night. I wanted to be human for her."

_Edward… you _can't_._

"I know, but I can't drag myself away from her."

_Is this really the best decision? The closer you get to her, the more painful it will be if you slip._

"I won't," I growled. I couldn't. I had to at least spend some time with her. Get her out of my system. She couldn't remain so potent forever…

She said nothing more, but I could tell that she was searching for possible outcomes of the decisions that had been made. I didn't want to know. I didn't want to see myself doing what I dreaded most that this strange relationship was ultimately leading to.

"What am I in for?" I asked, desperate to distract myself, beginning to wish I had avoided this encounter.

The blurry scenes in her head shifted to a definite, clear picture. Everyone was gathered in the dining room, seated around the table. I could see right away by the position in which my family members were seated that this wouldn't be good. Siding against Carlisle was never a good situation. He never compromised. We all knew better than to hope when Carlisle had his mind set.

I stood and offered Alice my hand. She shook her head ducking her head.

_I need a minute, Edward._

"You too?"

_No. No, I won't go against you, Edward, but I actually liked that girl. She was sweet…_

"She's not dead," I growled. "Stop talking about her in past tense."

I turned and headed in the house, not bothering to hear what she had stayed out to think about.


	7. Judgement

_A/N: the question of Edward's music genre and his personality (why he stays away from home) will be answered in upcoming chapters. I hope you are patient enough to wait! I'm trying to get them posted as quickly as I can get the words on the page!_

* * *

Emmett and Jasper were the first I saw when I entered the room. They sat on the floor of the living room hunched over a line of multiple chess boards playing the complicated game. They did not hear me enter at first, but it didn't take long for Jasper to sense my unease. He glanced up to meet my eyes for a split second, his eyes sympathetic for my trials.

His thoughts quickly rattled through his latest problems with resisting his thirst – both his triumphs and his failures. I could feel his thirst for every one of them, hear his thought process – or lack thereof – when the monster overtook him.

The scenes were gone as soon as they came and his hands were quickly flying across the chest board once more, desperately trying to defeat Emmett.

Emmett on the other hand, was quickly absorbed in his game. He noticed Jasper's pause, but deliberately kept his thoughts away from me and focused on the game. I didn't believe him to be hiding from me as I sensed his competitive urge to beat his competitor. Emmett didn't like to lose.

Rosalie was sitting on the white couch in the center of the living room, her eyes focused on the television, but her thoughts were aimed straight for me, knowing I'd be listening.

_If you ruin this and expose us, there _will_ be hell to pay, Edward._ My mint Aston Martin appeared in her thoughts and she smiled a little as she pictured herself mutilating it. Her fists became tearing out pieces of the engine and the upholstery, even going as far to light it on fire. Her images continued, but I cringed away, blocking them out by attempting to seek out Esme and Carlisle.

Before I could seek them out, Esme appeared on the stairs, a smile adorning her face. "Edward," she greeted me, flowing down toward me. Concern filled her features, but it was not on the forefront of her mind. All she could think about was how happy she was to see me and how glad that I had come home… with the same topaz color to my eyes.

Her eyes scanned over my face as she inspected me. She had hoped I was fairing better than I had been lately. She wished I would come home and visit her more often – she wasn't used to me not being around. Though I knew that she would put in one of my classical CDs whenever she missed me and it helped soothe the ache. But even though the CDs were produced in a sound room, it didn't compare to me playing for her on my piano.

"I'll play for you before I leave," I promised, bringing a small smile to her face.

_I would like that very much._

"I'm sorry I haven't been around more often. I've just needed some space."

_I understand. I just wish you could accomplish everything without quite so much distance._

I couldn't help but smile a little. "I'm right down the road, Esme. Barely a jog away."

She nodded, but knew that Seattle might as well be England. I had never said, but she knew she couldn't visit me, not until I had settled things with myself.

I placed a cool hand on her shoulder. "It won't be long now. I'm sure of it. It's becoming clearer to me everyday."

She weighed my words for truth. From her eyes, I appeared much worse, but she trusted me too much to believe I would lie to her, and dismissed my ill appearance as the fact that I had to get worse before I could get better.

She thought too highly of me.

Carlisle emerged from his study upstairs, interrupting my near silent conversation with Esme. He appeared next to her before I could catch most of his thoughts.

"Edward, if you would come to the dining room. I believe there's a matter we should discuss."

I nodded, though I didn't see much merit in having the discussion. They all had heard what happened from Alice and no doubt knew what I would continue to do.

I took my seat across from Carlisle, and without question, my siblings' activities were put on hold as they filed in after. Alice appeared last, the spring somehow not as prominent in her step, gracefully lowering herself into the chair to my left. Her eyes focused on the intricate weave of the tablecloth as she hid her thoughts from me.

_I'm going to give him a piece of my mind. He'll know what I have to say by the end of this. He needs to grow some balls and move on with his life. None of us wanted to be what we are and some of us had good things going for us before it was viscously ended. It's been almost 90 years. Get over it._

Rosalie's thought were really starting to irk me, and I shot her a glare. Seeing that I was finally listening to her brought a bright smile to her face.

_Just wait. You haven't heard the start from me yet_.

I growled, bearing my teeth in a threatening manner.

"Edward," Carlisle brought my attention from the annoying pest and Esme gave Rosalie a disapproving look. He turned from me to Rosalie. "Keep your thoughts to yourself. You'll have time to voice them I'm sure at a later time."

Rosalie pouted and sat back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest with a huff. My V12 Vanquish appeared and she entertained herself by more images of destroying it.

I would have to remember to take it with me to an undisclosed location as soon as I could leave this room.

"Start from the beginning, Edward."

This startled me and I shot a look at Alice. "What more do you want me to say? You know the whole story."

"Actually…" Alice started timidly, her eyes crawling across the tablecloth in my direction.

"She never told us a thing," Rosalie pouted. "Made us sit in the parking lot of the club all night in case we had to come rescue you from yourself."

I looked at Alice, questions filling my mind. She shrugged.

"It wasn't my place. You seemed determined to take care of it and seem avid enough to remove yourself from the family."

"I wasn't going to…"

Her look told me I wasn't fooling her. She knew better than anyone how close I was.

"I wouldn't let it happen."

She showed me once again how dark my eyes were, how my teeth sparkled as I bared them, how close I had actually gotten to her skin…

I shut my eyes tightly, though I knew better than to think that would make the images go away. Alice got the message and returned to her empty stare at the tablecloth, but not before a wave of frustration hit me like a titlewave.

"Would you mind clueing us in on what the hell Edward was doing the other night!" Jasper finally growled. "I'm growing sick of all these emotions!"

I looked up to five expectant eyes and sighed in resignation. I would have rather not repeating it.

"We were at the Heaven Nightclub," I paused as I dwelled over the name, not noticing before the irony behind it all. "I wasn't at all in the mood to be there…"

I repeated the story in a low, even voice up to the point where I approached Bella. I described the forceful feelings of lust of yearning that I felt, but left out the most important feeling that overcame me.

Alice quickly interrupted me, describing what she saw and how close I was to following through with the rash decision. But when she finished, I found I couldn't continue.

Silence filled the room for long moments, and no one moved, their eyes still locked expectantly on me.

"Edward," Emmett prompted, speaking for the first time.

It was then that I realized that they weren't sitting at the opposite side of the table because they were against my decision, it was because they wanted the story. I didn't have anything to be afraid of during this little discussion. If anything, I would disconnect myself from the family in order to save them from the consequences of my decisions. It was the worst that could happen.

"You know what I did from there." I stared unseeing out the window, unable to stand their watchful eyes.

It was Esme who voiced the next question. "Why?"

"I had to prove that the monster would not dictate my actions. I wanted nothing more than to run and never see her again, never having to expose myself to the potent smell and the feeling that I had no control over what I almost did, but I knew I wouldn't be able to live with myself even knowing I had to be a coward and run away…"

"We all slip up," Emmett said, trying to put my mind at ease.

"I didn't just crave her blood. All these human feelings resurfaced that I haven't felt in almost a century. I wanted to be that boy again. I wanted to be as innocent as the girl in my arms who seemed as attracted to me as I was to her. I wanted to prove that I could silence the monster."

"You succeeded. What's the deal?" Rosalie asked, her posture unchanged from her earlier anger.

"I hurt her – not badly or physically," I quickly remedied after seeing Esme and Carlisle's equally shocked faces and the grotesque pictures in their minds. "I acted on the wrong impulse. I shouldn't have used her like I did. It wasn't the soul decider in my actions, but it played too big of a role. And I can't get her out of my head. I'm restless when I'm not around her. And I made a promise."

The room was quiet in expectation, waiting for me to continue, hoping they wouldn't have to prompt.

I sighed. "I promised I would make it up to her… whatever she needed… whatever she wanted… that I would be her friend, putting all else aside and help her move on from the trauma I caused her."

Jasper groaned.

Esme closed her eyes.

Carlisle wouldn't take his eyes off mine.

"You know that's impossible," he spoke to me in an even voice.

"It won't be long. Just long enough for her to get a different picture of me. Human's mask memories quickly. From the way she never wants to speak of the incident again, she'll repress it more quickly than normal memories."

Alice raised her eyes timidly to meet mine. "You're forgetting the biggest problem. You can't be alone around her. You could too easily lose control and – " She almost seemed regretful to voice the words.

As she should. I shot her a look, reminding her of our shared words outside. She nodded her head sadly.

"She's right, Edward. If the thirst is strong enough you won't be able to resist it long."

"I was able to repress it in the most intimate moments. I will never have to be that close to her again. If I could do it then I most certainly could do it now," I argued, but I wondered if I was trying to convince them or myself.

"You won't have the distractions you did then." Edward pointed out.

"It's not a matter of discussion. I made a promise. I will keep it."

"None of us disrespects you or your wants, Edward," Carlisle addressed me in attempt to calm me, "but the more the human gets to know you, the more unusual that will seem. We cannot risk her knowing and exposing us."

"I'm not moving again," Rosalie spat at me, finally getting a chance to voice her very important opinion. "We just got settled here and I am not repeating another three years of high school."

I hadn't foreseen this to be a problem, and wished Alice would have warned me of it, but I had a simple solution.

"I feel so human around her – "

"Exactly why you are going to have more problems," Rosalie interrupted. "You will act naturally – without thinking! You're more likely to slip up!"

I turned to growl at Rosalie again.

"She's right."

I wanted to smack Emmett for standing up to me against his girlfriend, but it seemed Emmett wasn't the only one in agreement with her.

I stood from the table. "My decision is made. I will not back from it."

_I hate seeing him in so much pain. I only wish he could be happy. Why couldn't this girl bring him happiness instead of more pain and doubt?_ Esme's worried thoughts washed over me.

_He can't leave! I'll wring his neck if he thinks he can win this one_, Rosalie practically screamed.

Jasper was massaging his temples, trying to distract himself from the emotions of the room with thoughts of the chess game he abandoned.

_If Rosalie were human when I met her, I don't know how things would have been different – never mind, I would have been dead. It seems Edward's going to be a dead man by the way he's acting lately. I don't understand him anymore…_

I couldn't stand all the thoughts in the room. I yearned to be in the presence of the girl in question where the world had a little silence and normality.

_I didn't want this to happen. I don't want him to leave. _Alice repeated over and over again. I'm sure if she were able, she'd be crying right now. _What could I have done to prevent this? I only took him to the club to try to loosen him up. I want him to come back home and be the Edward I knew oh so long ago…_

My hands began to shake as I felt myself losing control. Jasper desperately tried to calm me, succeeding slightly.

I took a deep breath.

I turned to the last 'voice' in the room, the one that had been quiet beneath all the others. _What if we try it out? Can he be trusted to prove to us that he can control himself and his actions around her and it would be seen if this could be allowed? I always believed I could be a doctor against all thought. His mind is stronger than mine. He is more capable of convincing himself he can do anything than anyone I've seen…_

Carlisle was too good to me. I wished I believed in myself as much as he believed in me.

"Yes," I whispered. "I will be extra careful. I will not disappoint you."

The 'voices' quieted and became questioning of exactly who I was answering.

"I will come home more often. I will hunt extra to yield on the side of safety. I won't spend too much time with her, using my work and the distance as excuses. There are other ways to communicate. I will only see her as often as necessary until you are sure I can handle it."

Rosalie pouted once again, knowing that she wouldn't have her way.

Jasper breathed a sigh of relief, finally feeling the tension start to drift away.

Alice looked at me expectantly, not sure whether to believe my promise to come home more often.

Carlisle nodded. _I trust in you. The precautions are only a necessity_.

I nodded my head just slightly, enough for him to notice.

Rosalie was the first out of her chair, storming out of the room, upset and frustrated that she didn't get to voice her opinion as much as she would have liked. Her plan for my sports car's destruction became more elaborate.

Then there was something beneath it all that explained Rosalie's behavior. It startled me, something I should have expected, but I thought would have dissipated after all these years.

Rosalie was jealous.

The hidden emotion behind her anger startled me. I knew she had found happiness with Emmett and had long gotten over the fact that I had carefully rejected her advances all those years ago. It seemed, however, that she had hoped there were repressed feelings for her and the reason I hadn't found happiness was because I had feelings for her somewhere deep inside me – whether I realized it or not.

She was jealous that someone else caught my eye and stirred up long forgotten emotions. It worsened with the fact that it was a human, someone she thought had nothing on her in the looks department.

I turned away from her, letting her sulk on the couch. Bella might not have the classic beauty of Rosalie, but there was more to her than Rosalie's shallowness. Bella's beauty was a unique, individualized beauty.

Emse rounded the table and embraced me. _Don't be so hard on yourself. Just don't hurt yourself more by helping this girl._

I shook my head. Being around her would be difficult and she had definitely turned my world upside down. Though, I didn't know what was pain and what was joy anymore.

_Don't forget. You owe me a song before you leave._

"Of course. Anything for you, Esme."

She smiled and glided from the room.

I turned to Carlisle, realizing that Jasper and Emmett had returned to their unfinished game, leaving only three of us at the table.

"Thank you."

He shook his head, standing. "You don't need to thank me." _I did no favor to you. _"I just hope you find what you need by this… experience."

"I have to do it, Carlisle – "

"I know. You just don't know why you have to."

He removed himself from the table and returned to his study upstairs. I didn't look at Alice as I headed to the piano.

It seemed like a lifetime ago since I had sat there, filling the house with my music. I removed the cover, sitting on the cushioned bench. Staring at the ivory keys, I gently brushed my fingers along them, feeling the keys without a sound.

Alice was seated beside me before I could register a thought. I didn't take notice to her.

_You're upset with me._

"No."

_Then why…?_

"I don't like upsetting the family. I wish this could have been easier."

_They're not upset with you, only concerned._

"They give me too much credit."

_You don't give yourself enough credit_.

"What are the chances, Alice?"

She was quiet as the decisions played through her head, measuring them by their clarity. When I appeared with my teeth bared, stepping closer to her with very dark eyes, I shuttered and began to play to distract myself from the scenes.

_There are too many unknowns. You should be fine for your next date… at least for the beginning. Only because you're so set in your position._

I nodded, hoping that was enough to finish my visit with her.

_Is it true? Are you going to come home more often?_

"I'll try."

_I miss you. I think I'm going to like Isabella Swan. Do you think…?_

"No, Alice. You can't speak to her."

_She knows we're related…_

"Let me get a handle on the situation. Then we'll see."

She saw a glimmer of hope with the words I spoke and a scene flashed through her mind. She stood before a closet, Bella behind, a worried look on her face. Alice pranced around grabbing clothes and tossing them to the girl behind her, before grabbing her hand and pulling her to the bathroom, her laughter ringing out.

_She'll like me too, I think._

"She didn't look very happy."

_She will_.

My hands ran over the keys, playing Esme's favorite melody. Listening as Esme's entire world seemed to brighten. She sat at the top of the stairs, her eyes closed, consumed in the music.

I couldn't imagine bringing Bella home to meet my family. I wasn't sure I could trust her around Jasper with his current issues with being out in public. I wasn't sure I could trust Alice, but for different reasons.

What was I saying? More than anyone, I wasn't sure if I could trust myself with her. Yet here I was…


	8. Confessions

**Author's Note: Answers about Edward's occupation / compositions / etc answered in this chapter. Bella appears – finally! I'll try to update ASAP, but exams and schoolwork are calling!**

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After the longest week of my life, the weekend finally arrived. By Thursday, I was already preparing for it, leaving my little hole of an apartment for only the second time that week to go hunting. I wasn't thirsty and could have survived without the trip, but I wanted to be as full as possible in order to suppress the urge when I met Bella again.

I had tried to get carried away, to resist the urge of constantly glancing at the time, but obviously that failed. I constantly chastised myself. What was it about this girl that had gotten her so far under my skin? How was it that after one night she had completely turned my life upside down?

Saturday finally arrived and I found myself hours early. At least I was smart enough to bring distraction with me – my mp3 player, intended to relax me and force me to concentrate on my music.

I selected my most recent composition – a classical piece. For the past few years, it had been my concentration and my most inspired music. I went through phases depending on my life. Most of my non-piano pieces, such as the rock phase I went through about a two decades earlier, and the pop phase after that, I sold or gave to friends or bands that specialized in the particular form.

The sound of my fingers on the keyboard filled the headphones and I forced my eyes closed to memorize the notes. It wasn't difficult, but I had to familiarize myself enough that I wouldn't drift to another source of inspiration within a song, which I occasionally did on live radio performances, but never for recording.

One song ran into the other and that into a third. For the first time all week, I lost track of time and was finally able to concentrate on my work. Why? I couldn't answer that question myself, but I suspected it had to do with the fact that my long awaited date had arrived and unconsciously I knew that I had to distract myself or the pleasant afternoon. would turn drastically horrible.

I couldn't prove my family right.

The door across the coffee shop opened, sending a breeze through the room, a flowery smell flowing into my nostrils. Instantly my throat burned harshly and my eyes flew open.

Bella sat across from me, an uncomfortable, flushed look on her face, which quickly turned startled, no doubt from the darkness of my eyes.

I quickly pulled the earphones away and shut off the music, taking a deep breath before leaning forward. "Bella, forgive me. I didn't notice your arrival."

She blushed and looked to the table. "You looked so peaceful and concentrated. I didn't want to disturb you."

I brushed her comment off, chancing a breath to test the air around me. "Nonsense. I look for any excuse not to work."

My words surprised her. "That's what you do for work? I would take that any day over my job."

I asked what she did and she explained that she worked for an outdoor camping goods store, privately owned by a friend's parents. My surprise must have shown because she in turn asked me why the face.

"Forgive me, you don't seem like the … 'outdoorsy' type."

She blushed. "Exactly why I'd take your form of work any day."

I couldn't help but laugh, the movement increasing the burning in my throat. "It's the easiest part, and mostly less enjoyable than the rest."

"Composing, you mean?"

"Sitting down inspired and first playing a piece is why I do what I do. I love feeling the rhythm of a new song running from my head to my fingers to be born. There's no other thrill like it." _Except running my fingers over you_¸ I wanted to add, but wisely kept my mouth shut.

"That sounds incredible." She paused, my words lulling through her head. "It must be nice… doing what you love and being good enough at it to live off of it. Comfortably, too, I can imagine."

I shrugged. "I live comfortably enough, I guess, but you've seen my place. My one bedroom apartment suits me well enough."

"I suppose that must be your yellow mustang in the parking lot?"

"No, the silver Volvo." I would have said more, but the car registered in my mind and I glanced out through the glass entrance of the coffee shop to dismiss my suspicions. When my eyes laid on the yellow mustang, I suppressed a growl. Obviously she had foreseen the mention of the very conspicuous vehicle, since she was now quickly driving away.

Bella followed my eyes to the parking lot, but the yellow mustang was now gone. "Yellow mustang?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

She shrugged. "It was there earlier." She seemed like she wanted to say more, but instead she shut her mouth.

I waited, hoping she would continue, but her eyes dropped to the grain of the wood table once more.

I strained to hear her thoughts; concentrated all my attention and power on her.

Nothing.

I carefully tipped her chin up with my fingers to raise her eyes to me. The touch sent a warm jolt of electricity down my arm and felt powerful enough to jolt my dead heart into beating again. No doubt from her face, Bella felt it as well. I withdrew my hand and was thankful she did not turn away.

"What are you thinking?"

She paused for a moment before answering. "Why do you live so humbly, and why outside Seattle of all places?"

I wasn't surprised at her question, but I figured she would have realized that she knew more about me than just from our few meetings.

"My family lives in Forks. I believe you know them?"

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, her eyes distant as her mind took her through the small Forks population. Realization followed by surprised morphed her face. "Alice, Rosalie, Jasper, and Emmett?"

I forced a smile at my siblings' names, even though I was quite upset with Alice at the moment for spying on me. "Yes, and I believe you know my father, Dr. Carlisle Cullen?"

A beautiful blushed colored her cheeks and she looked away from me. "Yes, I know Dr. Cullen _quite_ well."

What was that supposed to mean?

She answered my question before I had the chance to ask.

"I've ended up in his care at the hospital on more than one occasion," she confessed. "I'm not as light on my feet as you and your siblings seem to be."

I would have to corner Carlisle and get an explanation why this piece of information was kept from me.

"Why are you not in Forks, then? You can't be older than Emmet and Jasper…."

"No, I decided to pursue my career instead of attending school. I went to a few years of advanced classes in Alaska, but decided shortly before we moved here that I knew what I wanted to do and my parents supported my decision."

"How old are you?"

"Seventeen."

Her mouth formed a little "o," in realization that I was her age and living in a world that she could never dream of.

She didn't know the least of it.

"So you stay close so you can see your family?"

"Something like that."

"You make it sound like Seattle isn't far enough."

"It is and it isn't," I vaguely explained.

"Then why don't you go somewhere like LA? Wouldn't that be better for your music too?"

"I could perform anywhere, really. Wherever the inspiration is best. My family worries about me, and it makes it easier on them if I'm close enough that they can still visit and keep tabs on me. But I would probably be here anyway. I like Washington. I especially like Forks, but I need a little bit of space and independence."

She nodded, but I had a feeling it wasn't completely in understanding.

"I hear you moved recently in with your father from somewhere south?"

"Phoenix."

"Forks must be a big change for you."

"You have no idea," she grumbled.

"You don't like it here." It was a statement, not a question.

The grimace on her face answered any doubt.

"Then why? Custody issues?"

"My mother was unhappy being away from Phil, her newest husband, and I didn't like seeing her unhappy, so I offered to come here so she could be with him."

"What about you?"

She looked confused. "What about me?"

"Your happiness. You're not happy here. That doesn't seem very fair."

"Haven't you ever heard that life's not fair?" she snapped suddenly.

"I think I've heard that somewhere," I mumbled, a thousand instances coming to mind, but one in particular – from almost ninety years ago.

"Is that why you went to the club the other night?" I asked softly, knowing I wasn't supposed to bring it up. "To try to have some fun and get away from the very predictable life of Forks?"

Her eyes had a distant look, and she gave me the impression her thoughts were drifting back to that night.

"Something like that," she whispered quietly, using my previous words against me.

"I'm glad you did. I'm glad I met you."

My confession surprised her out of her stupor and her eyes focused on me. "You are?"

"I'm here with you now. What makes you think otherwise?"

"I thought you were only here because you felt guilty and regretted your alcohol-induced actions."

I felt my eyes grow dark. "Is that what you thought?" I couldn't believe I had given her that impression.

I leaned forward to close some of the distance between us, my face now inches from hers. She shuttered and her breath brushed against my face. My throat burned intensely and I took a breath to acclimate myself to her smell and further repress the urge.

"Bella, I do regret part of that night… I know you want to never mention it again, but I need to get this out into the open. I should have had more control. I never wanted to go to that club at all, but just seeing you made the night worthwhile, and knowing that I now have you in my life. I'm not healthy for you, Bella, and I'll leave the decision up to you. I want to be your friend – I want to get to know you better. It's against my better judgment, but I can't get you out of my mind. So I will leave the decision up to you."

Her eyes didn't leave mine and had an odd look to them as she stared at me.

"Breathe, Bella."

She snapped out of whatever she had been drawn into and tore her eyes away from me. "What? What am I deciding?"

"Whether or not you want to keep seeing me. If you're willing to be my friend."

"Yes," she whispered, her eyes drifting to my lips. "I want to keep seeing you."

"I'm dangerous for you to be around."

She swallowed, her eyes not moving. "I like danger."

I laughed quietly.

"But I don't think you're as scary as you think."

It was my turn to be taken off-guard. "I'm bad for you, Bella."

Her eyes met mine. "We'll see about that."


	9. Trust

**Author's Note / Disclaimer: As always, I don't own any of the Twilight characters. In addition, I do not own Coldplay, "Viva la Vida," Seether, or "I'm Broken" and use them only in this chapter as a character building supplement. It is not mine to give to fictional characters and I mean no offense to those that have ownership.**

**Please, please, PLEASE let me know what you think of this chapter by reviewing. I've had a number of people add the story or me to alerts (THANK YOU!), but I'm trying to take the story in a new direction and develop Edward. Please let me know so I can make decisions regarding future chapters! (Plus, the more reviews I get, the sooner I'll be motivated to post!)**

**Thanks and enjoy... Onto the story!**

"Where are my manners? Hot chocolate, right?" I exclaimed, standing and reaching for my wallet to place her order at the counter. I couldn't believe that I had forgotten to have her order ready when she had gotten there.

She glanced at her watch. "Actually, I should be going."

"So soon?"

"Homework," she muttered, grabbing her keys from her pocket.

I pushed her back down in the seat lightly and took my own seat once more. "I know you are independent and are probably using leaving as an excuse to keep me from getting your drink, but really, you don't have to leave to politely refuse."

She blushed and looked away.

"Besides, if you are set on leaving, I'll have you know that I'll purchase your drink anyway and make sure you take it with you as a treat while you work."

Her eyes met mine again. "You wouldn't."

"I would rather you stayed, but I understand that you have a life outside of here and me."

Her teeth bit into her lower lip and I had to suppress my breathing for a moment. The action was adorable, but I also wished I could have my lips close enough to do the job myself.

I forced my concentration back onto her and what might have caused that action, but the possible thoughts behind her eyes were lost to me.

"What are you thinking?"

She snapped out of whatever trance she was in. "Nothing. It's just, my life isn't quite as exciting as yours."

I couldn't help but laugh out loud from her comment. A frown marred her face and her eyebrows furrowed. I ceased my laughter, but couldn't erase the smile completely. Slowly I leaned forward, making sure I was controlled enough to stand the lack of distance.

"Bella," I said in a low voice, just loud enough for her to hear. "My life barely requires me to leave my hole of an apartment. On the odd occasion that I am actually doing something productive, I can do so without ever seeing the sun."

Her breathing hitched at the closeness, and no doubt from the feel of my cold breath brushing against her skin. Her eyes stared again at my lips, like she wanted me to kiss her. I would have, had I known that was the exact opposite of the case.

"I don't believe you," she breathed, her eyes unmoving.

Her warm breath on my skin, her chocolate eyes almost begging, her heat radiating from her skin… I yearned to touch her, to kiss her, but I knew no matter how innocent I made the gesture, the electricity that was bound to bolt through our bodies would bring the contact to a whole other level.

I felt my eyes darken as my thirst also spiked. It and desire seemed to go hand-in-hand. Venom pooled in the back of my throat as her scent profusely filled my nostrils and lungs. The monster within me fought to the surface, thinking of just leaning forward the few inches to satisfaction…

I forced myself to lean back casually, away from her scent and away from the temptation of the multiple ways I wanted her. The monster was becoming easier to suppress. The desire, however, I had a feeling was only just beginning to show its persuasion.

She took a shuttering breath, closing her eyes for a split second, involuntarily reminding me of the conversation at hand.

"Someday, maybe, you'll understand. The life of a musician is a lonely life."

She let out a short laugh that didn't reach her eyes. "You could have any woman you wanted. Thousands of fans would love to have the chance to sit down and pick your mind about your compositions. How on earth could that be lonely?"

"You tell me. How could going to a school where there are a hundred kids your age to converse with be unexciting?"

"That's different," she argued, her arms crossing over her chest, in a cute little pout.

I raised one eyebrow, but didn't contest her statement. "Most of the fans of my current music aren't quite on the same age level as I am. You can understand my want to avoid spending time with middle-age men and woman."

"You also don't act like your age, though. I'm sure you could easily converse with them."

I nodded, knowing her words were true.

"Speaking of which," she continued. "You don't do a lot of things boys your age are expected to do." She trailed off for a moment before her eyes quickly snapped back to meet mine. "How old are you really?"

"Seventeen," I replied without pause, acting confused about her repeated question.

"How long have you been seventeen?"

I couldn't lie to her, but I couldn't really be expected to answer that question. Not only that, but I wasn't prepared to explain my story or see her reaction.

"Awhile."

She made a face. "That's what I thought."

"What?" She had completely lost me.

"So you're really like, 22? 24?"

"No." More like 107.

"How else would you explain how you managed to get an apartment of your own without your parents?" Her voice raised a pitch with the next realization. "How you managed to buy alcoholic drinks that night at the bar?!"

She was attracting attention of the other customers in the bar. "Bella," I said calmly, speaking as if I was talking to someone half her age. "It's called a fake ID," I murmured. "And if you can act the part, then no one even questions your age."

She didn't seem entirely satisfied with my answer, but she accepted it, and didn't push it further, obviously sensing that I was going to stand by my story. At that moment, I knew that if I continued this friendship that she would eventually figure out my secret. She noticed _everything_! It wouldn't take her long to disregard my reasons for never ingesting food or drink, or the reasons why my skin was cold. It would only be a matter of time before I became too comfortable around her and slipped up, by either exerting too much strength or moving too quickly.

Now I understood my family's distaste for my decision. She wasn't only in danger of me, but I was in danger of her finding out.

An odd pleasure came from the thought of her knowing what I really was. The thought shouldn't have occurred and I had absolutely no idea where I came from, but when I thought about it, not having secrets between us and being able to act naturally around her _was_ something that I wanted. It wasn't even just her, but I wanted to be able to be myself around someone other than my family.

No, I realized. I wanted to be human.

Throughout the century that I had been changed, there were always times that I wanted to be human again. I never had blamed Carlisle for his decision, but I never thanked him for it. He understood. He himself, didn't ask for the life he received either.

But I the _need_ to be human had never been as intense as it was at this moment, with this human who I wanted to be with, but knew I never could.

"What are you thinking?"

Her quiet voice, brought me quickly from my thoughts. I felt almost guilty for being caught in such revelations in public, under a watchful eye especially.

I shook my head. "Just about how simple things would be if my life were what you thought it to be."

She obviously didn't understand my words and waited for me to continue. I saw her obvious disappointment when I didn't elaborate.

"I'd like to hear you play sometime, if that would be alright."

I was thankful for the change of subject and was more than happy to play for her, though I had no idea what was impressive enough to satisfy her tastes. "You name the genre and it can be arranged."

"You play more than just classical?"

"I _compose_ more than just classical. Most of them I sell off to other artists."

"Anything I've heard?"

"Well, that depends, what type of genre do you know best?"

She shrugged, her eyes glowing in interest. "I listen to everything."

Obviously, she wanted to hear the extent of my talents. I wasn't going to list off random songs.

"Alternative?"

"Viva la Vida."

"You composed for Coldplay?"

"They needed the song more than I did. His voice complements the song well."

"That song made the Billboard Top Ten for like ten weeks!"

I didn't correct her estimation and nodded.

"It propelled Coldplay to unthinkable heights…." She seemed at a loss for words. "It was their biggest hit ever!"

I shrugged. "It was a great song for them. I'm glad it got the attention it deserved."

She stared at me agape. I couldn't help but chuckle a little at her obvious surprise.

"Did you write the lyrics too? Or just the melody?"

"The lyrics came first. The melody formed in suite. I had already decided that I couldn't perform the piece before the piece was finished."

"People always come up with their own interpretation of the lyrics. What is your meaning behind them?"

It was a typical question that a journalist would ask me, so my answer was already ready on my lips although I had never given it before.

"It's about a king who's lost his kingdom," I answered simply.

In reality it was so much more. It was about eternal damnation. About the fact that no matter what you did for the rest of your life – no matter how much good you performed or saintly you lived – you wouldn't make the list into the better afterlife. It was the reason that I couldn't publish the name under my own name and why I had to give it to Coldplay with them sworn never to mention my name in alliance with the song. The Volturi would without a doubt end my life immediately, with no regard to how the cryptic words hid the intended meaning.

"Amazing," Bella murmured under her breath, still shaking her head at the revelation. "What else have you composed? Any rock?"

My mind drifted back to the decade when most of my rock compositions were recorded, and repressed a smile. "Nothing you've heard."

Her lower lip snuck out as she sported pitiful pout. "You're holding out on me."

I laughed. "Have you ever seen the movie The Punisher?"

She shook her head, her eyes still wide with interest, silently begging me for the song title so she could look it up later.

"The song in the soundtrack performed by Seether – I'm Broken."

"It doesn't sound like a happy song."

"No…"

"Do you only compose… poignant songs? You must have written something a little bit more cheerful."

I was constantly being surprised by her, it seemed, by her word choice this time.

"Not for a very long time," I answered in a low voice.

I reflected back on my music changes and each corresponded with a point in my life that reflected those thoughts. I couldn't help but think that maybe Bella was my turning point from the classical music into something greater. The thought that she could pull inspiration from me didn't seem very unlikely.

I was so absorbed in my musings, that I didn't notice her innocent hand creeping toward my neglected mp3 player. As soon as her fingers made contact with the surface, I came to, like she had touched my skin to get my attention.

She looked at my guiltily, and slowly withdrew her fingers. "I'm just curious."

"Curiosity killed the cat," I warned, meaning more than just her curiosity for my music. I knew it was just a matter of time before her curiosity turned to other matters. And there'd be no stopping her.

"I'm sorry. I should mind your privacy." She was withdrawing from me again.

I picked up the devise and unplugged the earphones, shoving them in my pocket. She watched the movement with sad eyes. The mp3 player, however, remained in my hands. I stared at it for a second before gently placing it in her hands, careful to avoid touching her skin.

She looked down at her hands, startled, for a long moment. When I didn't withdraw my hand, her eyes raised to meet mine.

"I know I can trust you with this."

"I won't break it, I promise. I'll be careful," she sputtered out quickly.

"That's not what I meant."

It took her a moment to catch my meaning and she nodded with a straight face, everything but the eagerness in her eyes disappearing under her serious look.

I leaned back, my posture easing to show her that I didn't feel the least bit nervous watching her take away a devise that held more information about me than I usually allowed. "Then we'll have to arrange a time for me to collect it from you."

"What?"

"You mentioned something about homework. I don't want to continue to keep you from it."

"It can wait a little longer."

I laughed. "Bella, do you really think I'd allow you to keep that very long? Trust me. You will see me again."

"Here then? Same time?" she offered.

I wasn't anxious to wait another week to see her again, but I knew that she had both a job and school on weekdays, so I didn't have much of an option.

"Why don't we mix it up a little so you won't get bored with me?"

She opened her mouth quickly. By the look on her face it was to dismiss my comment.

I didn't give her the chance to voice her words. "I'll pick you up. Two pm. Your place."

She stared at me, her mouth still hanging open.

"Bella?"

"W-where are w-we going?" she shuttered.

"Do you trust me?"

Her wide chocolate eyes never left mine as she nodded.

I smiled and stood, pushing in my chair. "Until then."

I walked past her stunned form, leaning down to whisper in her ear. "Don't forget to bring that," I mentioned, tapping the devise still clutched in her hands.

She shuttered as my cold breath brushed her ear, not looking back as I walked away.

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Reward for reviewing: Edward writing you personally a masterpiece :) (And the nice author giving you a new chaper sooner rather than later!)

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	10. Lullaby

The first place I went when I arrived back in my apartment was my piano. I had never let my mp3 player out of my possession, and I felt strangely empty without it, like my music was no longer a part of me.

I knew it wasn't true and I knew Bella could be trusted with the devise. I also knew that allowing her to borrow it would help her get to know and trust me more.

So I would deal with the separation. I had plenty of other methods to feel close to my music.

For the next forty-eight hours, I didn't move from the bench and my fingers remained on the keys. One song flowed flawlessly into another for the first few hours. I couldn't keep my mind away from the beautiful face that sat across from me that morning. My mind drifted. It was hard to believe that I had only spent three days with her – not even consistently. It added up to no more than half a day – including the night I'd spent with my mind in a near comatose state. I wasn't paying attention to the movements of my fingers on the keys any longer. My experience helped me gain the ability to multitask, but when the melody finally made its way to my ears, it was unrecognizable. I let it flow, taking a life of its own. I didn't know what it was; it sounded like a lullaby. I did have an idea where it came from. Bella.

I couldn't stop perfecting the lullaby. It played it seamlessly from start to finish, from finish to start, over and over and over again.

I finally had the perfect song to perform for her.

I wanted to add lyrics, to vocalize the music, but it was impossible. No words could describe what I felt for Bella. It wasn't love, at least not yet, and I would no doubt fight the emotion if it were ever to surface. No, what I felt for Bella was deeper than friendship, but it bordered more along the lines of fascination. Maybe I longed for what I couldn't have, because I knew she was the forbidden fruit. I _craved_ her on multiple levels. I could give in and enjoy her fully and end the temptation, but it would be too short lived, and then all that would be left would be a memory.

Bella was worth more than that… worth more than a one night stand. I wanted to enjoy everything about her and have it last as long as I could. Even though I knew that my life would continue on long after her, whether it be from her loss of interest or moving on, my secret in jeopardy, or – I shuttered to think of the last – her death.

As I had allowed, Alice stopped by a few days later, begging to hear my latest. There was something I had to know first.

"Let me ask you something, _Alice_," I started, but it seemed I didn't need to go any further. Of course the little _clairvoyant_ already knew what was coming.

"I know, I know. I couldn't resist! I just knew how important it was for you! I didn't want something to happen – I just want to be there to intervene in case… in case…" she drifted off.

I was silent. My intention was simply to ask her why she felt compelled to follow me when she could so clearly just see what was going on from anywhere else in the world, but her reply answered so much more.

"Was it really that bad?" I asked, idly tracing the ivory piano keys, unable to meet her eyes.

"Edward," she tried, her voice trying to be comforting. It might have worked had I not known Alice for decades and if I didn't have a gift of my own.

She tried not to reflect on the vision she had prior to making her own decision, but it inevitably filtered into her thoughts.

I saw myself sitting across from Bella in the coffee shop, leaning in close to her. I recognized the moment, however, in Alice's mind it was hazy, just as visions were when they were not finally decided. It was the one instant when had gotten near her and not expected to feel her pull. In the vision, my eyes blacked and I inhaled her scent deeply.

Alice cut it off abruptly.

"I was never close to acting on the urge. I was just enjoying the wine."

Alice gave me a look. _You _can't_ enjoy the wine, Edward. The wine can't be replenished._

"You don't think I don't realize that? Her blood is not the wine – it's the heroine. Just because I can't taste the forbidden fruit doesn't mean that I can't enjoy the garden."

Alice shook her head. _You and your stupid metaphors_.

"I can control myself around her. The more time I spend with her the easier it is to stomach."

"I don't understand you. I don't know why you're putting yourself through this, but let me know any way I can help make this easier for you."

"You mean that?"

"Of course!" Alice exclaimed.

"Leave me alone!"

Alice rolled her eyes and wandered to my bedroom, no doubt to complain about my wardrobe - or lack thereof.

For some reason I knew my request to be left alone wasn't going to be granted.

After complaining about my humble abode being too humble and promising to personally make it more livable, Alice moved back to my living room, and plopped herself at the piano. An innocent, pleading face looked up at me.

"What do you want? I know you're not asking to play because you know the answer is no – "

"Come on, I know the rules about touching your piano. Play for me!"

This startled me. Alice was never one to ask me to play. That was usually Esme…

"I know about your new song. I want to hear it!"

I hesitated. I wanted Bella to be the first, but I knew Alice would not leave until I gave in. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy my sister's company, but any company seemed incomplete without Bella.

She sat next to me as my fingers glided across the keyboard, never saying a word. I almost wished she went back to her normal cheery self that could never shut up… _almost_. I wanted to know what she had seen since my last visit with Bella. I knew we had made some progress and I wanted to feel forewarned about Saturday. At the same time, the unexpected had an exciting edge to it.

I continued the lullaby for hours, and the whole time Alice stayed silent, her eyes either on my hands or closed, listening to the melody. There was no beginning and no end to the song. Every time it was played, it came to life. Just like Bella.

Finally, I drifted the last verse off to a quiet ending. I was nowhere near finished, but I felt like I was exposing my soul to my sister – not that it was something I often had to worry about because my decisions were known to her often before they were known to me. This was more personal. It wasn't often that I shared my _feelings_ to my family, or to anyone for that matter.

"You love her."

"No."

The question startled me, but I was prepared and answered quickly. I knew that my feelings for Bella hadn't reached that point. And I would make sure they wouldn't.

"Well, it's just a matter of time then."

"No, Alice."

"Why, Edward? She so good for you."

"I don't have that luxury. She's human."

"You always could – "

"That's not an option!" I struggled to keep my voice from raising. Luckily, Alice got the message.

"Can I talk to her yet?"

"Not yet."

She pouted. "You never let me have any fun." Her head danced with fantasies of playing dress-up with Bella and giggling about me.

I gave her a look, which elicited a sigh and an eye roll. "I know, Edward. I won't do anything until you clear me. I won't intrude."

"Thank you. That's all I ask for."

"But she is a lovely girl… I wouldn't mind having her as part of the family. She'd be much more fun than Rosalie." _It would be nice to have another female in the house_.

"You're only setting yourself up for disappointment."

"There's hope."

Immediately, Bella's image filled my mind, only it wasn't the same Bella that I often saw there. Her red eyes I noticed first. Pale, flawless skin.

I growled fiercely, flashing my teeth at Alice.

The picture disappeared.

"I will not…"

"_You_ might not."

"Who then!" I didn't stop myself from raising my voice loudly, or rising quickly to my feet.

Alice shrugged. "I don't know everything. I just said it's a possibility. I'm just as startled as you are about how clear the image is. It seems multiple decisions lead to the same end."

"I will not… even if it kills me…"

"I know, Edward," Alice admitted softly, in a sad tone. "But what if you have to? Would you rather her die than to have her be one of us?"

I couldn't answer the question, and it haunted me even long after Alice left.

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**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! I enjoy knowing what you guys like / expect / dislike / etc. Sorry for the unexciting chapter. Don't worry, Bella will be back in the next chapter, and I should be updating either tomorrow or Sunday!!**


	11. Surprises

**A/N: So super short chapter - sorry. I figured you guys would like a quick update and the ending seemed like an ideal spot.**

**I've run into a problem with my word processing software and as of right now and using word pad to type, so i'm hoping to get it fixed first thing in the morning, but I'm eager to write and eager to post to you all, so you can rest assured I will be on top of it. I just hope I'll be able to open the ending (already written) so it will be available when I get to it. It's unopenable now as a corrupted file! yeah... and it's about 20 pages, so I'm not too happy about the potential loss...**

**Anyways, hope you enjoy and I'll try to post chapter twelve tomorrow!**

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I pulled up outside Bella's house promptly at eight o'clock, parking along side her rusted Chevy truck. I had left my apartment hours ago to calm my restlessness and proceeded to drive around town to occupy my mind with the thoughts of the small town people, which were definitely a change to the thoughts of people in Seattle. I wasn't listening for anything in particular, but I think part of me hoped to get some information about the new companion in my life.

I stopped at the coffeehouse and picked up Bella her usual, hoping it would help put her at ease for the day. For once, I wished that I had Jasper's power of emotion rather than my useless mind reading. Though, I had doubts that any power would work since mine failed despite my constant effort. I had never felt the need to know someone's thoughts so badly. Yet, I've never met anyone who's thoughts I couldn't hear.

The curtains upstairs ruffled. I could hear the sound of shoes running down the stairs.

She appeared seconds later, dressed in a blue sweater and jeans. I couldn't help but wish I could slide my hands beneath the thick material to the soft, warm skin I knew was underneath.

What was I thinking?

I had to stop lusting over this girl. It wasn't going to happen. I was content with our current relationship.

The last statement I had a hard time convincing myself was true.

She locked the door and was surprised to find me leaning outside the car, waiting to open the door for her.

"Good morning," I greeted, trying to invite her to approach the car. She looked like she had temporarily lost the ability to move her legs. Either that or she was having second thoughts about this trip.

Her eyes ran down my body, taking in my attire. I looked down, forgetting what I had thrown on this morning before my early venture out of the house. A cream sweater and jeans, with my beige leather jacket thrown on to complete the look. Alice no doubt would have shown up, distraught, if I had thrown on anything less formal, especially since leaving shopping bags full of new clothes after her last visit.

"Hi," Bella finally choked out, her cheeks reddening from being caught staring.

I opened the car door as an invitation, and she found her legs and slipped inside. I had to take a breath to force myself to walk at a normal human pace back to the other side of the car and sit next to her. An extra breath filled my lungs just in case. This would be the first time I would be seated next to her in a small, confined area with no where to escape if things turned south.

The car was filled with her scent mixed with that of her fruity shampoo. I couldn't help but inhale deeply.

The lust returned full force.

I quickly started the car to distract me, but was stopped when her fingers brushed along the back of my right hand. The familiar electric jolt traveled up my arm to my dead heart and the memory of being inside her clouded my vision.

I had to stop these feelings about my _friend_.

I turned to look at her, questioning why she had stopped me.

Her other hand help my mp3 player. She offered it to me.

"Thank you, Edward." My name rolled off her tongue, sending chills through my muscles.

I graciously took it from her, placing it in the cup holder between us, not trusting my voice yet to speak.

"I took good care of it, just as I promised," she continued nervously, fishing for some sort of response from me. "I know how hard it must have been to let it go."

"You are most welcome, Bella. Hopefully its contents didn't burn your ears too bad."

Her mouth fell open and she stared at me, agape, before a grimace took its place. "I hope that was an attempt at a bad joke."

I turned back to starting the car, and was uninterrupted. Smoothly, I pulled out of the driveway and we began our journey.

"You're not going to tell me where we're going, are you?"

I glanced over at her figiting in her seat, her heart rate higher than normal. Though I had to wonder if her heart rate was ever at a normal pace. It seemed to always be racing.

"You don't trust me?" It was an innocent question.

"No, I just don't like surprises."

I stored that piece of information away.

"Well, I think you'll enjoy it."

The rest of the journey was made in silence. I made special note to keep the radio off for the duration of the journey, resisting even though I knew music would calm her nerves. I wanted to rest her ears.

She stared out the window, watching the wooded countryside blend into the busy streets of Seattle. I didn't need to pay attention to the road, so I tried to gage her reaction subtly.

"What are you thinking?" I finally asked.

She turned to me, taking her eyes off the scenery. "Trying to figure out where it is you are taking me."

"And have you come up with anything?"

She frowned. "No. My only guess was your apartment, which I think is somewhere in this area."

"It's close by, but across town."

She continued to stare at me.

"Any more guesses?"

"You're not going to tell me?"

I turned my eyes back to the road. "We're here."

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**A/N: Where are they?! What do you guys think? I'd love to hear theories! Don't worry for those of you guessing the meadow. It'll make an appearance in a few chapters! The more reviews, the longer chapter twelve will be. (I'll try to write at least a page for each review! So send 'em in!) Edward will reward you!**


	12. Performance

Bella's eyes quickly looked away from mine at my words, her gaze moving about the buildings outside the car. I pulled into the parking lot and shut off the engine.

"What is this place? It looks like it was built in the thirties."

"1929, actually." I opened the door and stepped out, disappointed when Bella mimicked my movement before I could make my way to her side of the car. I suppressed the feeling of insult, knowing she wasn't used to be treated right and didn't know any better. Without thinking I grabbed her hand, ignoring the electricity in the touch and pulled her toward the entrance.

"It's locked," Bella frowned, tugging on the thick chain and padlock on the door handles.

I pulled my keys out of my pocket and selected the old, worn key, sliding it into the lock and pulling the chains free. Bella stared at me, agape.

"I know the owner," I explained.

If only she knew that owner was me.

The beautiful historic theatre built in the late 20s lost its charm only four years after its opening and politicians spoke of redesigning the building and turning it into another movie theatre. I couldn't allow them to destroy the striking architecture of the grand performance hall, so I took a large loan from Carlisle and bought the property. I was only a fifteen year-old vampire and was finally pulling through my rebellious stage of seeking vengeance of criminals back in Chicago that came shortly after my newborn years. Carlisle, more than happy to see my attentions turning elsewhere and having the money to spare, lent me the money without question. To put it simply, I used the performance hall to more than cover the payment.

At first I invited performers and spent my time and energy covering all the jobs needed to run the business, but my love for music grew and I hired a few part time workers. I spent more time with the performers, learning how to play various instruments and exposing myself to a wide variety of techniques and styles. Many of my first connections were made through the few years I kept up the act. However, audience attentions turned elsewhere in the forties with the buildup of the Second World War, sporting events, and technological advances in the motion picture business, and it was hard for me to compete with the bigger theatre businesses in the city. The theatre closed to the public and had become my personal studio for sixty years.

The building had intricate decorations common for the late 1920s. The building had almost cathedral-like stone carvings around the top of the flat roof. However, with my lack of love lately to the building, the rain and weather had worn down most of the architectural art. As much as I wanted to preserve and restore my home away from home, the city people saw it as an old abandoned building and would question who was putting money to renovate an unused 70-year old structure. I wanted to avoid the attention and scrutiny more than anything.

The heavy wooden door groaned as I pulled it open for Bella. She stepped inside, but didn't go far as she took in the interior. Dark mahogany trimmed deep maroon carpet and complemented 

the matching wood furniture. I escorted her up the wide stairway, but she barely noticed my hand on her lower back, her eyes staring at the faded murals on the walls.

I pulled open the final door for her, letting the door shut behind me, but moved no further. Bella gasped at the large room, forgetting me as she wandered down the long isles of the theatre. Her fingers alternately brushed the velvet-covered seats and the polished wood arm rests as she made her way. I was content to simply watch her fascination, wishing that I could have brought her here with me when it was new and alive. The theatre was full of memory, but so much of its life had been drained away with the decades.

She was about half way when she stopped, turned to see where I had disappeared to. "What is this place?"

I walked toward her at a more than slow pace, feeling no need to rush. "It used to be the Fox Theatre, they attempted to rename it Roxy for a time before it changed hands and later closed. It's now abandoned."

"It's amazing. I can't believe something so… beautiful is hidden in the middle of a bustling city."

"Yes, beautiful and amazing," I agreed, but I wasn't looking or speaking about the music hall. I couldn't take my eyes off her.

I my slow stroll came to a stop immediately beside her. I longed to brush my fingers through her hair and bring it to my nose to smell it. I wanted to turn her around and place my palms on her jaws and lower my head gently to her lips.

As if she heard my thoughts, her attention turned from the intricate, expensive chandelier above her and her eyes met mine. I sensed the immediate changes in her body, but ignored them, focusing on her facial reaction. Her cheeks did not color as I expected from catching me staring at her in such a way, but she took a small step toward me, almost unknowingly. Only a small margin of air and the fabric of our clothes separated her from me.

Her luscious neck was exposed clearly to me as she looked up into my eyes, her breathing fast and shallow. The electricity between us increased ten-fold with the nearness, and I could tell she felt it too.

"Did you get contacts," she whispered to me.

"No, why do you ask?"

"Your eyes are lighter. Lighter than…" she trailed off, but I knew she was talking about that night we had met, the only time we had been closer than we were now.

She was too perceptive. I had slipped up. I should have used her given excuse to dismiss her observations. I couldn't afford any more mistakes or I would have to abandon my plan and her. It would only be a matter of time before she put the pieces together.

She leaned closer, her eyes never leaving mine as she looked more closely. "Topaz," she breathed.

Her breath brushed across my face and I breathed it in as if it was necessary for survival. Her scent was a drug to me, a drug that was becoming both easier and harder to resist. The monster's needs were deeply masked by the lust that pumped through my veins like adrenaline. I needed her.

I wasn't the only one that felt the need, but I doubted it was as strong in the human as was viciously overtaking me. I had never felt such powerful emotions, even when I was a newborn and thirsted for blood as the essence of life. I needed Bella more than I needed blood.

I had ever intention of leaning forward and pressing my lips against hers, of repeating the action I had yearned for in a lesser degree not moments before. I was going to feel her soft, warm skin under my fingers and feel her lips respond to mine.

She sensed this and her eyes went from my eyes to my lips, licking hers in preparation.

The action quickly interrupted me. What was I doing? If I wanted this to work, I had to learn to control myself. I couldn't let this girl get under my skin. I didn't bring her hear to ravish her on the very stage I had some of my best memories – not that fulfilling my fantasy wouldn't triumph all of them.

I calmly stepped away, trying not to react to Bella's surprised and disappointed expression. Spontaneously, I grabbed her hand to distract her, knowing that the touch would distract me as well from changing my mind. "Come on. I had more in mind than just a tour of an old abandoned building."

Her hand warmed mine and it wasn't until then that I realized I made another mistake. No doubt she would realize my frigid touch. She may not have realized it earlier in her awe of her surroundings, but after the near intimate moment, I knew without hearing her thoughts that her everything in her body was tuned into mine.

Her hand tightened for a moment and her feet stopped after only a few steps. My first instinct was that I had been caught and I was about to face another line of questioning, but her eyes were not on me. They were on the piano.

She gazed at me, her eyes wide in awe. "Are you…"

I simply smiled and pulled her gently toward the stage.

The white baby grand piano was a gift from my mother and matched perfectly with the one in my apartment. In fact, I loved the piano so much I had the one in my apartment designed after this one because I wanted to be closer to my music. Emmett often complained that I should just live in my theatre, and it wasn't a farfetched idea. However, having an apartment made me feel more human. Playing alone in the theatre made me feel more like I was haunting it than anything. I wasn't going to be the phantom of the opera.

I followed Bella up the side stairs onto the stage. She walked quickly ahead, leaving me to once again linger behind. I loved her fascination – I longed to feel the same, but being alive for almost a century, little surprised me anymore.

That's why I loved being with Bella. She constantly surprised me, constantly made me feel things I have not felt in almost a century.

Her fingers reached out for the keys, but she paused midair, her head turning to search for me.

I nodded, curious to see if she would play. "It won't bite."

She rolled her eyes at me with a small smile. I grimaced at my choice of words, but quickly pushed it from my mind, watching her innocent fingers. They brushed against the flawless ivory, which resisted the wear I constantly put on them over the years. Quite a few of the keys had been replaced over the years as my emotions carried into the music and injured the instrument, but it was easier to play without breaking than most other instruments in rough times.

"It's a beautiful piano," Bella commented, watching me as I neared her. "It seems too modern to be here."

"It's my baby," I admitted. "I had it placed here, choosing it over the classic, worn piano in storage from when the theatre was used. The hall provides excellent acoustics that I can't achieve anywhere else."

"Why would you go through all of that trouble?"

"The hall provides excellent acoustics that I can't achieve anywhere else." I sat down on the padded bench, my eyes still on the girl beside me.

"You come here often, then?"

Every day for eighty years, I thought, but nodded instead of voicing the truth. "A few of the songs you listened to were recorded here."

I patted the bench beside me in invitation for her to sit and take the strain off her legs. She hesitated and slid in beside me, taking care to keep a comfortable space between us.

"You're actually going to play for me?"

I smiled. "Why is it so surprising to you? I promised I would."

She blushed and looked away. This was going to be good.

My smile grew and I gently touched her chin, beckoning her to turn her beautiful face back to me. She complied, her eyes flitting to me before resting on the piano keys, but she didn't hide her face.

"I had just heard that you don't do live performances… for _anyone_," she admitted sheepishly, a blush quickly painting her cheeks.

Bella was reading the tabloids about me? Obviously I had somehow fascinated her to a degree that she fascinated me.

"You shouldn't believe everything you read, Bella."

"So it's not true then?" The blush was replaced with curiosity.

"I didn't say that."

I didn't give her time to reply or question my answer any further. I was nervous to see her reaction to my newest piece.

I tentatively placed my hands on the keys. I thought about starting out slow, but that was no way to begin the composition she inspired. As soon as my finger pressed the first key, it had started and there was no stopping – or slowing it down – from there.

My fingers flew across the keys, but my mind was too absorbed in the music to realize which notes were being played. I was aware that Bella was here, listening to what she had done to me. My soul was bared to her. I knew that this was lowering a barrier between us, but I didn't care. I wanted to be closer to her. Maybe if I make this step, she'll make a corresponding step in return.

I was vulnerable, but in the safest way possible.

I chanced a look at Bella, not knowing what to expect. She was staring at my hands, her mouth slightly ajar.

"This wasn't on your mp3 player," she murmured, in obvious awe.

"No, not yet." I didn't know how to tell her.

"Why not?"

"It was newly inspired… newly composed."

"What inspired it?"

"You."

She didn't say anything further, but her eyes left my fingers for the first time and looked to me. She was speechless.

I concentrated on the lullaby, concentrated on Bella. And I felt a longing for everything I couldn't have, because I knew that I could never be with Bella.

Only the music filled the theatre for long minutes and I enjoyed it. I really did. I was with Bella. I would grow to be content with her company, because it was better than being without it.

I didn't allow myself to get carried away. I knew Bella would sit and listen to me for hours as long as I played, and maybe I had played for hours. I couldn't be sure. Time stood still whenever I was with her.

The music drifted to an end, the final chords turned more melancholy than I intended, but I wasn't in charge of the music. The end notes hung poignantly in the air and diminished, leaving the theatre in a heavy silence.

Bella finally spoke. "You wrote that for me?"

"Yes, it's a lullaby."

"Thank you," she whispered.

I turned to her, forgetting my own emotions. Tears glistened in her eyes.

"Why do you cry?"

She blushed, but didn't turn away. "No one has ever done anything like that for me before."

I wiped away a tear with my thumb, suppressing the urge to taste the tear. "You've just never been treated well. I hope I can change that."

Her eyes didn't leave mine for a long time and I simply looked back, thanking the fact that I now had her in my life.

"Will you play for me some more?" she asked timidly.

"What would you like to hear?"

"My song."

I graciously obliged, beginning where I left off. She laid her head on my shoulder and didn't say a word.

**A/N: Yay! So I hope you guys enjoyed and I enjoyed reading your guesses, so I added another page for your enjoyment. I hope you guys liked this chapter as well.**

**Review! Edward will look at you with those steamy eyes and _not _resist the temptation to lay his lips on you! :)**


	13. Piecing Clues Together

**A/N: So this chapter took a turn that was not planned and kind of grew a mind of its own... I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think. My original plan was to delay, but I'm sure most of you will enjoy the story finally picking up.**

**Thanks for the great reviews from the last chapter! I hope you all enjoy!**

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The tune emerged from my lips. I didn't recognize it, and I didn't know much of the song – it was still coming together, but I knew that it would be the transition point from classical into something more. I knew there would be words, but I wasn't ready for them.

I continued to hum the song, concentrating on the guitar portion, while the other instruments subconsciously fell into the background. There were gaps in the melody. My frustration grew and I tried to force notes to fit, ruining the song and starting over to try again. I knew I had to be patient and let it come to me in order to reach its full potential. I had just composed Bella's lullaby and was still enjoying playing a newly inspired song; it was very soon for a new song.

I groaned, leaning my head back against the back of the recliner I lounged in and closed my eyes. I knew there were only two reasons I was overly anxious: it was a new transition, which meant a new phase of my life, and I needed a distraction from the beautiful sleeping girl in the room.

She had fallen into a deep sleep after mumbling my name and a few odd phrases. Her face was so angelic and peaceful as she slept, and I wondered what was so stressful in her life that marred her beautiful face every day. She had been so free and careless when I met her. I hoped I wasn't the reason behind it.

I longed to climb in and enjoy the feeling of her warm skin, to trace the contours of her face. I knew such an action would only be playing with fire – pushing me most likely past the point I'd be able to stop myself from continuing on my exploration of her body. And if she happened to wake, it would ruin everything I had accomplished the past few weeks.

And so I sat, attempting lame distraction techniques to pass the time. I had no idea how long she would sleep, and I had no idea how much time had passed, but I was sure it was nowhere near the average sleep cycle of eight hours.

I opened my eyes to stare at her again. If I couldn't touch, I could at least enjoy looking.

Right?

Well, maybe I shouldn't get caught staring while she was awake.

Her legs were tangled in the sheets from her earlier restless stage, and her sweater had ridden up, exposing her midriff. I almost wished I had never felt her before, because I knew exactly what it would feel like to run my fingertips along the bare skin. I knew exactly how she would react and where my fingers would go next. My fingers would drift up the sides of her ribs, pushing the heavy fabric up to uncover her curves. Hands would flatten and move inward. I knew she would enjoy the temptation as I would trace the underside of her supple breasts until she was arching for more.

I wouldn't spend nearly as much time there as I could, as I would want to. I would have to move away before I would be tempted to taste the flesh, something I would never be able to do without risking her life. My right hand would make its way down to her jeans and smoothly remove them without her noticing, my left hand distracting her by pleasing her nipples.

I would touch her clitoris, knowing the simplest touch would cause her to jump and yelp in surprise pleasure. I would stimulate the bundle of nerves while my left hand would slowly make its way down her body and slide into her warm heat. We would groan in unison, mine from the imagined pleasure of me sliding into the tight space and her from the touch of my cold fingers. I would move the two fingers in unison, her moans and begs ebbing me on until she hit that high I had failed to give her before.

Immediately, I was on my feet. I had to get out of here. My arousal was obvious and becoming hard to control. The images in my mind were becoming very detailed and explicit. If I didn't leave soon, my control would slip and I would give into the fantasy.

I was outside in a matter of seconds, the fresh, chilly air hitting my lungs and calming me slightly. I moved to sit down, intending to wait until I was in the right state of mind to return inside, when the scent from a local bakery hit my nostrils and planted an idea in my mind. Bella would want food when she woke, especially since I deprived her of the necessity last night.

I followed my nose toward the bakery. The sky was just starting to lighten with the morning sun. A small part of me wondered in Chief Swan would be worried that his daughter never returned home last night and if I should return her to wake in her bed, but the selfish part of me pushed it away. I wasn't ready for our time to be over yet, especially since it was only once a week that I was able to see her. If I left her while I was in this state, I would have these thoughts in my head for a week, which would make it more difficult to see her again.

I suddenly yearned to be back in the room. I knew I couldn't have her. I needed to deal with it, become immune to her temptations. My time with her was limited, and I was wasting it.

I hurried to the bakery, grabbing some pastries in hopes that it was something she would enjoy and quickly found myself back in the room.

She hadn't moved since I left.

I sighed and settled down into my leather recliner to wait, closing my eyes to prevent my imagination from running away with me again.

A moan met my ears and I squeezed my eyes tighter. I needed to get a hold on myself.

The sheets ruffled and my eyes flew open before I had a choice in the decision.

Bella was waking up, her eyes slowly coming from their haze and looking around the unfamiliar room before landing on me.

"Edward?" Her voice was scruffy from sleep, and I found it instantly arousing.

"Good morning," I greeted, not moving from my seat at the left foot of the bed.

"Where am I?"

"A guest room at the theatre. You fell asleep a few hours ago."

She laughed slightly.

"What's humorous?"

"Oh," a blush crept up her cheeks. "I was just wondering if I should get used to waking up in strange places when I'm with you."

I allowed myself to smile slightly. "I thought about returning you home, but didn't want your father to shoot me on the spot when I approached with your unconscious body.

Before she could reply, her stomach let out a loud gargle, causing her to cheeks to redden further.

I motioned to the bag on the table beside her. "I picked you up some pastries. I hope that's alright."

She hesitated.

"Bella…"

She sighed and opened the bag. Grabbing one, she held it out to me.

I shook my head. "I've already eaten. Please, help yourself."

Hesitantly, she took a bite. From there, the bites came quicker as she realized her hunger. She quickly went on to the second one.

Her fingers carefully wiped away the crumbs from her lips and before sneaking into her mouth to lick away the excess.

I swore she was taunting me, pushing me to see how far I would last.

I stood, hoping she wouldn't notice my arousal I was trying desperately to hide, and neared the bed. "I should get you home."

Her arm quickly wrapped around my forearm, gripping me and stopping me from opening the door. The familiar electricity bolted through me and I turned quickly to her.

She didn't let go, her desperate eyes meeting mine. "Please. I'm not ready to leave yet."

I was speechless. I didn't want the weekend to end either, but I wasn't sure how much more torture I could put myself through.

"Your father…" I tried weakly.

"I told him I was going out with some girls from school. He'd probably just assumed we turned it into a slumber party. Please."

I couldn't say no to her.

I removed my hand from the door and sat next to her on the bed.

"Edward?"

I turned my attention to her.

"Where did you sleep?"

"I stayed there for the night," I answered, motioning to the large leather armchair in the corner.

She looked at me disapproving.

"I figured that way you'd be most comfortable."

She blushed and slipped her hand in mine. "Thank you."

I gave her hand a gentle squeeze, enjoying the feel of her skin against mine, no matter how innocent the touch, and was startled when she leaned her head against my shoulder as she did last night.

"I know your intentions now," she whispered. "I know you acted impulsively that night… we both did. You don't have to be so distant anymore."

I swallowed thickly. If _only_ she knew my true intentions.

"I just don't want you to get the wrong idea."

"You're too good to me."

I wanted to enjoy the moment and bask in the realization that she finally trusted me. That she was going to open up to me and trust me. But I knew I had to get her out of that room… away from my bed… where…

"What would you like to do today, then?" I asked smoothly, hoping she would take the bait and allow me the glimpse of what she enjoyed.

She shrugged. "I just don't want to go back to Forks."

"You don't seem like the normal 'Forks citizen,'" I commented.

She made a face, and I laughed.

"I won't ask."

"No, it's not that. It's just ever since I moved here to be with my dad, all people seem to want to do is pry into my life. Forks is the opposite as Phoenix. I just need some time to adjust."

"Of course. My apologizes."

She swatted my arm playfully. "I don't mind when _you_ ask. It's different with you."

I wanted to ask why, but wisely kept my mouth shut. I didn't want to put her in an awkward situation.

"Since we're in Seattle and you'd rather not be in Forks, what would you like to do?"

"I don't know," she mused. "I hear it's supposed to be a nice day outside – sunny without any rainclouds. We could do something outside for once."

I hesitated. I needed a legitimate excuse to avoid the outdoors – or at least the unshaded parts. How could I deny the simple pleasure of a sunny day to a girl who grew up in Phoenix and moved to the least sunny city in the country?

"Maybe I should drop you at your friend's house." I lamely tried.

Her head came up to look at me. "Edward?"

"I have a lot of work I need to do." I made to stand, but forgot about her grip on my hand. I could have easily escaped her grip, but I resisted in fear of hurting her.

I finally looked at her face. It hurt me to see the pain I saw there.

"I thought this friendship was about trust."

I sighed, "Bella." I stopped myself. I was at the end of the rope. It was door a or b… and no turning back. "There are some things I can't tell you. Things that would be harmful for you to know."

Her eyes measured me. "This has to do with your eyes changing color… your mood swings… and your lack of temperature."

I knew she was too observant.

"Do you know what I am?"

"No," she answered, "but I have a feeling it has to do with these."

Before I could react, she reached up and brushed her thumb against my sharpest tooth. Quickly, she withdrew her finger, cringing, and I smelt the blood before I saw it. I inhaled sharply.

"Ouch. Your teeth are sharp."

"Are you alright?"

"It's just a small cut."

"Bella, don't be brave. Does it burn?"

"It feels hot."

I gently grabbed her wrist and brought the finger to my lips.

Her blood was the sweetest thing I had tasted, without the burn of the venom the burn of the venom that now mixed with it. Gently, I sucked, drawing the sweet liquid into my mouth. I closed my eyes with a groan and forced her finger from my mouth, licking my lips from the aftertaste.

"Better?" I asked, glad the cut had been small so I was able to stop myself from getting carried away.

"Yes."

I slowly opened my eyes to meet Bella's wide ones.

"Bella, you'll be the death of me."

"Do I taste that good?"

I forced out a humorless laugh. "You have no idea, but that's besides the point. I'm poisonous to you, Bella. If I bite you…" I didn't know how to explain it, "life as you know it will be over."

"You're a vampire."

"Yes."

I didn't know what to say, how to react. She knew. This would either be the turning point or the end of our friendship. I knew the Volturi wouldn't let me surivive with her knowing, so it was either her life or my life that would end.

This was a mistake. I should have listened to my family and not pursued this friendship. I was too selfish. I put her life in danger on so many levels.

It was too late now. There was nothing for me to do, but I knew this was just the beginning of our adventure.

"It doesn't matter to me, Edward. I don't care what you are. I just want you to have the same trust in me that I have in you."

I stared at her, my mouth hanging open like an idiot. "It doesn't matter?"

She shook her head. "You've become more important to me than anything else up in this small, drag town. You've added something to my boring life. I don't have many real friends in Forks, and I didn't think I could do it with you, but you're real with me. So, it doesn't matter to me."

"Why do you think I'm different?"

"When I asked you how old you were, you said you've been seventeen awhile, like it's been more than the standard year. How long have you _really _been seventeen."

_I_ didn't answer.

"Edward."

"What about me besides my answer would make you believe I was older than I say?"

"You know so much and have travelled too far to have been alive for only seventeen years, but you don't look a day over."

"What else?"

"Your skin is pale and ice cold. You move with inhuman speed when you play the piano. You don't eat. You don't sleep…"

"You forgot one thing, Bella. I'm dangerous."

"No."

"You don't think I can be dangerous?"

"I'm not scared of you."

"You really shouldn't have said that."

"Edward."

"Yes?"

"If we don't go outside, can we still spend today together?"

I paused. She knew. I couldn't leave her without knowing exactly what she thought of me.

"I know just the place."

* * *

**A/N: Eeek! She knows!**

**I bet most of you can guess where they're heading to now!**

**Review, please! It motivates me to post faster! Reviews Edward imagining doing those things to you! (snicker... only if!)**


	14. Legends Become Reality

I opened the car door for her and we were quickly on our way out of Seattle. I expected the questions to keep coming, but Bella stayed silent.

"What are you thinking?" I asked. I couldn't stand the silence when I knew the topic that was spinning through.

"I never know where we're going until we get there. You're so _mysterious_. You constantly keep me thinking."

"It's not my intention."

"I know. I know this is as new to you as it is to me. I didn't believe you before."

"I'll work on it. I promise."

"I know you will." Her voice trailed off, and she looked out the window, deep in thought.

"I know that's not all that's on your mind," I spoke up a few moments later, not dealing with my inability to _use_ my ability.

She turned to look at me then. "Why? Can you read my mind or something?"

I grimaced and turned to the road. "No, not yours."

Her mouth opened and closed. Her head turned to the road before turning back to me. "Not mine? What's that supposed to mean?"

I sighed. "It's complicated."

"I thought we were past evasiveness," she grumbled.

"It's part of who I am now. Something that I developed after my transformation."

"You can read minds?"

"Thoughts, yes. I hear thoughts as if they were being spoken."

"How does that work?"

"I can't hear anyone, anywhere. They have to be fairly close. The more familiar a person's 'voice' is, the further I can hear, but still no more than a few miles. Imagine always being in a room full of people chattering away. I try to repress it to a quiet buzz to avoid invading privacy, but it's hard not to."

"And there are no exceptions to this?"

"Just you."

"Why do you think you can't hear me?"

"I don't know," I mused, wishing I knew the answer for my own purposes. "The only guess I have is that maybe your mind doesn't work the same was the rest of theirs do. Like your thoughts are on AM while I'm only picking up FM."

"Are you calling me a freak?"

I tore my eyes from the road. "I hear voices in my head and _you're_ the one who's a freak?"

"I still think it's strange that you can hear people's thoughts."

"Hearing people's thoughts is the least strange thing you could be worried about. You should be more worried about my other _habits_."

She looked away from me, staring out the road. Immediately her body went rigid and she clutched at the side of the car. "Slow down!"

"What's wrong?"

"You're driving over a hundred miles per hour!"

I looked at the speedometer with a frown. "Bella, I drive like this all the time – on the way here in fact. It would be over a four hour ride back to Forks at the typical speed limit."

"You're going to get us killed!"

"Bella, I have faster reflexes than you can imagine and," I tapped my head, "built in radar-detector."

"Well, I was raised to be a law abiding civilian, which meant obeying the rules of the road so we don't wrap ourselves around a tree!"

I groaned. "You're going to turn me into your father?"

She turned to chance a look at me. "Keep your eyes on the road!"

I sighed, realizing I wasn't going to win this argument. I reluctantly turned back to the road and relaxed my foot on the peddle, drifting down past eighty. "Happy?"

"Almost."

"I hate driving slow," I murmured just loud enough to hear while I lowed another ten miles.

"Slow?"

I didn't say anything for a long time, staring at the road and resisting the urge to slowly creep up my speed. I didn't know what to say to her anymore. I knew she wasn't afraid of me and it scared _me_ knowing that she would not be cautious around me even knowing the risk she was constantly in.

"You look angry."

"No."

"Edward, it's perfectly human to have emotions."

"You've obviously deduced that I'm _not_ human."

"But I told you it doesn't matter – "

"That's where you lose me, Bella. How can it _not_ matter?" She stared at me, waiting for me to continue. "You have to understand, I'm not the hero - I'm the bad guy. By the bad guy, I don't mean those guys you see in your movies. I'm dangerous to _you_. I'm dangerous to society. I don't have friends because _normal_," I made sure to emphasize the word so she would realize she was not included in that group, "people avoid me because their instincts tell them to stay away. You'd be better off developing them."

"I thought you wanted to be my friend," Bella replied in a hurt tone.

"I do."

"Then why are you telling me this?"

"I may be a selfish being, Bella, but it doesn't mean that you shouldn't be warned about the potential costs on your part."

She was silent for a long time, staring at the trees flying by. I had picked up the speed slightly and hoped she wouldn't notice.

"You're serious about this, aren't you?"

"Yes."

The car remained silent for long minutes. Driving didn't take nearly enough concentration and I tried to instead focus on what I would tell Bella when we reached the end of the freeway if she didn't guess in the mean time.

"How long have you known?"

"A few weeks."

"Why did you keep agreeing to meet me then?"

"I told you, I decided it didn't matter."

My anger returned. I couldn't help but think that Bella repeatedly put herself in danger for me because 'it didn't matter.'

"Edward?"

"What?" I snapped a little too harshly.

Her fingers brushed against my fists on the steering wheel, which was about to snap into three pieces at any moment. I immediately loosened my grip.

"I knew I shouldn't have said anything. You're angry."

"I can't believe you could be so naïve, Bella."

"So, I'm wrong?"

"That's not what I was referring to: 'it doesn't matter!'"

"I'm right?"

"Bella, really? _It doesn't matter_?"

"No, I am curious though."

She turned away and said nothing more.

"I know you have questions. I don't have anything more to hide from you."

"How come you can't come out in the sun?"

"I'll show you that shortly."

"So you don't burn?"

"Myth."

"Do you sleep in a coffin?"

I had to laugh at that one. "You've seen my apartment. No cobwebs. No skulls." I sobered to a serious tone. "I don't sleep."

"At all?"

"Never."

She seemed to ponder that fact for a long time, not asking any more questions.

"You've forgotten the most important question of all."

"What's that?"

I let out an exasperated sigh. "My diet?"

"Oh."

"Yeah. Don't you want to know if I drink blood?"

"Well, I have a theory about that…"

"And what's that?"

"Well, I figured that if you planned on drinking my blood, you would have done so if not the first time, then soon after. So, the fact that I'm still alive contests to the fact that it must be another myth."

"It's not a myth, Bella."

She looked at me, wide-eyed. "So… are you….?"

"Finally. I was starting to think you didn't have the ability to be frightened."

"You wouldn't…"

"I hunt animals, not humans."

"So you're not dangerous?"

"I'm _very_ dangerous. People are right to keeping their distance as they do."

"I don't understand."

"Imagine having the choice between your favorite hot chocolate and coffee. You take the coffee because you know its morally right to do so, but the scent and taste of the hot chocolate is hard to turn away from. Sometimes we make mistakes. Sometimes you can't resist. For me, allowing myself to be with you would be one of those times."

"This is a mistake?"

"A very dangerous one."

All the possibilities of how dangerous she was to me flickered through my conscious. I couldn't leave her now, not knowing all that she did. What if something happened to my resolve? What if I couldn't hold back from taking her, either by blood or by body? What then?

"Tell me more, she begged desperately."

I turned to her. "I'm sure you'll have more questions soon, but hold on to the thoughts for now."

"Why?"

"We're here."

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the bunch of regurtitation. I wanted to get this chapter out of the way so I can write the meadow and move on with the story. It's getting long and I haven't even made a dent in my outline! I might have to start combining chapters, otherwise we might be reaching forty chapters!**

**Well, I promise to update soon! Thank you thank you thank you for reading and REVIEWS are VERY much appreciated!**

**Thanks for a record amount of views for one day on the 16th! Also, I posted a poll in regards to this story! You're vote counts! Thanks!**


	15. The Meadow

**A/N: ATTENTION BEFORE READING!! I have rewritten parts of chapter thirteen and fourteen. They do not drastically change the story, but I didn't like how much I had repeated from the book and had a much more creative idea. I hope you guys like it - please let me know if the new version is better than the old. Now - here's the VERY changed version of the meadow scene. I hope this will reveal some more about Edward to you all.**

* * *

Bella's attention immediately went outside and she looked around herself, trying to find the reason why I this would be my destination.

She slowly turned to me. "What's so special about this place?"

"We're going for a little walk." I shut off the engine and got out of the car, circling to open the passenger car door.

She hadn't moved, a first for her, and the look on her face was full of unease. I lent her my hand and she cautiously got out of the car.

"What is it?"

"Edward, please tell me why we're really here," she begged, her eyes refusing to meet mine.

I gently lifted her chin so see her eyes. What I saw was pure panic.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

"I… I…"

"We're not there, Bella. We have to hike a little to get there."

She relaxed a little. "Okay."

"Bella…"

"I just thought… well… I don't understand why you would take me out in the middle of the woods unless you wanted to be away from everyone… unless you wanted to…"

It was not a laughing situation, but a little relief did flow through me. "I was starting to wonder if you were capable of fear."

Her eyes met mine on their own accord. "That was your intention? To see if you could scare me?"

"Bella, of course not. Please trust me. I think it'll be worth it for you once we arrive."

She sighed and turned toward the woods. "How far?"

"A few miles best."

She whirled toward me. "A few _miles_?!"

"We'll be there before you know it."

"Edward, I know you think you know me, but I'm terribly clumsy. I'm not likely to make it without seriously injuring you or me."

"You couldn't injure me, Bella."

"Well, I've injured myself before." She huffed, obviously upset by my lack of compassion. "Let's get this over with." She started off into the woods.

"Bella."

"What?"

"Where are you going?"

"To…." She trailed off.

"This way," I corrected, motioning to the east.

She sighed heavily and made to move past me to the direction I was pointing. I stopped her, grabbing her arm and pulling her toward me. The action surprised her and she bumped into me, her hands resting on my chest. Her eyes met mine and she made no move to back away.

The air around us burned with the familiar electric current that I so often felt around her. She was so close, her warm blood pumping faster with her accelerated heart rate. I wanted to wrap my arms around her waist and pull her that extra fraction closer, fully molding her body to mine. I would bend my head down toward her, whispering her name against her lips before kissing her slowly and sweetly, moving down her jaw to the tempting column of her throat.

I pulled myself back toward the present. She was still looking at me expectantly, her lips parted and her breath coming quickly. I forced my attention away, cutting off my breath so I wouldn't be further tempted.

"If you trust me," I told her, finally finding my voice again. "I will carry you."

She made a face, but still remained near, her eyes never leaving mine. "I can walk, Edward."

"I wouldn't want you to be hurt."

"I'll manage."

"It'll also get us there very quickly."

"Do you really think I'll slow us down that much?"

I smiled brightly, not hiding my razor sharp teeth from her, and leaned down to whisper in her ear. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

"Climb on my back."

"What?"

"I won't hurt you, I promise."

She took one step back, and I took it as an accepting my invitation. Turning my back to her, I crouched down and allowed her to clamor on.

"I'm going to run, so hold on, and don't be afraid of clutching too tight."

With that said, I took off through the woods, feeling the rush as the trees flew past. It wasn't often that I was able to come out here and just run. I was either I was hunting and had a purpose to my run – my conscious overtaken my needy monster – or I was locked within my apartment working on my music. I felt… free. I felt the burden of keeping my secret from Bella leave me and she was giving me the impression that she was growing more comfortable with the thought of more than a friendship – at least she was letting her guard down and allowing me closer to her.

She almost seemed to want to kiss me as much as I wanted to kiss her.

I wasn't going to make any sudden moves. I didn't want to backpedal after everything I had done to move on past that night.

The meadow came within my sights and it wasn't long until I slowed just outside of its boundaries.

I stopped, feeling for the first time Bella's death grip on my shoulders and neck. I gently touched her arm.

"We're here."

She didn't move.

"Bella? You can get down now."

"I think I need some help," she murmured.

I laughed and gently pried her fingers from me, making sure to keep a hold on her so I could transfer her around me so I could see her.

Her legs remained wrapped around my waist, but I held her to me more than they did. I was suddenly aware of the compromising position we were in, our groins pressed together and her chest pushed against mine. I repressed my body's reaction, knowing that she would no doubt notice. I thought the position would upset her, but she didn't seem in any state of mind to notice.

"Bella?" I stroked my finger along her cheek, her petrified face jarring me. "Breathe, Bella."

She obeyed and took a staggering breath, her entire body shaking against me. I clenched my jaw, holding back a groan as she moved intimately against me.

"Are you alright?"

"I – I think so."

"Can you stand?"

She nodded and carefully removed her legs from me. I placed her on the ground, but didn't remove my grip from her. Just in case.

I waited for her to say something, to make sure she was alright. I hadn't really expected this reaction from her.

"That was…" she trailed off, her voice still shaky, "not what I expected."

"My fingers aren't the only thing that can move fast," I murmured.

"No doubt."

I removed my hands from her, confident that she could stand on her own. Her next move surprised me as she leaned heavily on me, resting her head against my chest.

"Bella?"

"I just need a minute."

I wrapped my arms reluctantly around her, wishing I could enjoy our embrace more than I really was allowed.

"I'm sorry," I whispered loud enough for her to hear. "I shouldn't have done that."

"No. I'm glad you shared that with me. It was just… unexpected."

"Next time, close your eyes."

She finally lifted her head up. "Next time?"

"Unless you want to walk the way back," I offered.

That seemed to remind her of our destination and she pulled away from me, leaving me feeling empty without her warm hold.

She looked around, her face showing her disappointment when she just met the forest trees. I carefully turned her in the right direction.

She stared in wonder and began walking forward into the meadow. I followed, but remained in the shadows as she entered the clearing.

The sun glistened off her skin, not like my kind, but in a beautifully natural way. Her hair shone and I noticed it had a bit of red in it. Her eyes stared around in wonder, her mouth falling open. She had never been more beautiful to me than she was in that moment.

Finally, she realized my absence and turned to me. Slowly, I stepped from the shadows.

The warm sun didn't compare to Bella, but it felt better than the shade nonetheless. I walked to the center of the clearing and laid down the flowery grass, my eyes closed. I felt Bella sit somewhere beside me and I began to sing softly, searching once again for the song that I had began early this morning.

"What are you doing?"

"Singing," I answered, "but too softly for your ears to hear."

"Will you sing for me?"

I smiled. "Soon, but not today."

We were quiet for a time before I felt the soft brush of her fingers against my arm. I opened my eyes, finally looking at her. Her fingers withdrew, but I nodded and she resumed, gently tracing random patters along my forearm.

"You have no idea how good that feels," I murmured, enjoying the warm electricity spiking toward my dead heart.

We were quiet for a time before I felt the soft brush of her fingers against my arm. I opened my eyes, finally looking at her. Her fingers withdrew, but I nodded and she resumed, gently tracing random patters along my forearm.

"You have no idea how good that feels," I murmured, enjoying the warm electricity spiking toward my dead heart.

She didn't say anything, continuing her exploration of my cold skin in the sunlight. I hadn't expected her to be so quiet.

"I know your head is burning with questions. You can ask them."

"I didn't want to upset you further."

"I'm fine, Bella. I just wish things could be different."

"How so?"

"I don't want to put you in danger."

"I can take care of myself, Edward. I'm not fragile."

"Aren't you?"

She didn't answer, instead, the questions flowed forward.

"How old are you really?"

"I was born in 1901 in Chicago, but my body is permanently stuck at age seventeen as you know."

"How did it happen?"

"It was 1918 when my foster father, Carlisle, found me. He was my doctor at the city hospital where I was dying of the Spanish influenza."

I heard her gasp.

"My parents both died, my mother painfully so. He knew it would not be much longer until I followed with the same fate. There was not much they could do then for the pandemic, so he took me away and turned me."

She was quiet, not saying anything. Her hand had stilled on my arm.

"I'm sorry."

I shrugged. "It was either this hell on earth or death."

"Why would you say that? You don't like what you are?"

That was the understatement of the century. "I don't like being a monster."

"I hardly think you are a monster, Edward."

"No, you wouldn't."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

I opened my eyes to look at her before carefully sitting up. "Imagine my life so far – an outcast, forced to stay away from civilization because being within a mile of them causes me to crave to do horrible things to them – to harshly suck the life out of them. Living for a hundred years with no one is a hard life, a life you couldn't imagine."

"You have your family."

"Yes, and I love them, but they don't understand my conflict."

"Do they enjoy being as they are?"

"I don't think anyone _enjoys_ being a monster. My siblings and parents would take humanity if it were offered without hesitation, and they've all had their own battles to bare in the past. I haven't come to terms with mine yet."

"Why is that?"

I sighed and stood up, walking away from her. I should have known she'd delve deep.

"I'm sorry," she called softly to me. "I didn't mean – "

"No, don't be sorry." I leaned against a tree, staring out into the empty forest. "Our clan began with me and Carlisle. He changed me because he had grown lonely and wanted a companion. He claims my mother begged him to save me, to do anything in his power. I had a hard time dealing with my newborn stage and was unable to resist the call of human blood. Esme came next. He found her in the morgue, barely alive, and fell in love. They have been together since. Rosalie was found in an alleyway, raped and left for dead. He changed her for me, hoping to give me a companion like he had found with Esme. Alice and Jasper joined us later, already having found happiness in each other. Emmett was last, found by Rosalie. She fell in love with him while he was dying and didn't have the restraint to change him.

"They each have each other – their lover, companion, whatever you want to title it. They try their best to include me and make me welcome and happy, but I can't stand being around their happiness, feeling their content. When times get hard, they have each other to turn to. I am left alone to cope with everything alone.

"I couldn't be around their thoughts, knowing that they were thankful that they had eternity to spend with their soul mate. I have learned to hate my immortality, knowing that I am damned to be alone until the end of time."

I hadn't even realized I had said the words out loud, that I had let my deepest thoughts and emotions out into the open. I turned my attention back to Bella, who said nothing. If my soul still existed, it would be hanging in the air around us, just hanging…

"You can find solace in me."

I let out a short , barking laugh that held no humor. "Yes, and you would try your best to comfort me, not knowing the trials I have to deal with inside me. You would grow old before my eyes and slowly die of old age, leaving me once again alone in my personal hell."

"Your music, you have that…" she tried again.

"I try," I admitted, "but you can imagine that it only does so much."

"I'm sorry, Edward. I wish there was more I could do."

"No, this is my fate that I have to bare. I will not put my burdens on you. You shouldn't have to deal with that."

"I want to help you, Edward. I know my loneliness is nothing compared to yours, but I do not have many friends either and I value yours. Friendship is about confiding in one another."

I crossed the distance between us faster than I should have, stopping just before her. I hesitantly and carefully placed my hands on her upper arms, my eyes burning into hers with an intensity that I hoped she could sense.

"You _must_ not feel bound to me. I will not stop you if you wish to walk away."

"Edward…"

"Please, Bella. Promise me. I will not drag you down with me. I will not condemn your life unwillingly. You have the opportunity to live the life I will never have the chance to. You must not be afraid to be human."

She didn't say anything.

"Promise me!"

She nodded, and answered quietly. "I promise."

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**A/N: Please review! Reviews help comfort Edward after the centuries of pain he's dealt with!**

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	16. Meadow Part II

**A/N: I'm back. Thanks for all your wonderful reviews on the last chapter! I'm glad you all enjoyed it so much! Here's the next installment!**

It's for the best. It's for the best. I repeated the saying over and over in my head, trying to convince myself that both of us would be better off if what we had going ended.

"It's for the best," I said aloud, brushing my finger against her cheek. She closed her eyes and leaned into the gesture.

I sighed heavily. I had to trust her enough to believe that she wouldn't tell anyone about me… about my family… about what she knew, especially if something happened to cause this to end badly.

One thing was for certain. I couldn't let anyone else know that she knew, unless Alice already saw the conversation.

The question was: if leaving was the best thing for her, could I be unselfish enough to let her leave?

"If you say so," she replied as I opened my hand so my entire palm rested against her face. "I hope it never comes to that."

"I agree, but it is already better for you to leave now."

"Can't you let me ever decide what's best for me?"

"You don't know what's best for you."

She angrily shoved my hand away. "I've obviously survived fine on my own for the past seventeen years. I don't need someone making my every decision for me!"

"Of course not. You obviously don't understand the risk that you put yourself in every time you come near me. That makes it my responsibility to make the risks known to you – "

"And you have!"

" – and when you still don't heed the warnings that you obviously should, I should come to the conclusion that you may need reminding until the risks become clear to you."

"Edward, I'm not leaving."

"I'm not asking you to. Not yet."

"When what is this all about?"

I paused. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Edward – "

"It's very possible. Don't deny it. At any moment I could lose the edge on my control."

"I trust you."

"You overestimate me."

"No. I know you will do anything before that…"

"You mean asking you to leave if I felt that I couldn't take it anymore?"

She didn't answer.

"Don't worry. I'm becoming more accustomed to your scent," I said, leaning toward her neck and brushing my nose against the column of her throat. I inhaled the sweet scent and placed a chaste kiss before pulling away. "But don't take that as a dismissal of everything I've told you."

"It's worse when you're thirsty, isn't it?" she asked, brushing her thumb against the circles under my eyes.

"Is it that obvious?"

"You seem to linger around me longer before you pull away."

I didn't correct her assumption and tell her that in reality it was not her blood I thirsted for.

When she continued to touch me, no matter how innocent, it pushed my control that much further and escalated the longing. I felt like I was being tested, seeing how far things could progress before I slipped. I didn't want to lose Bella, but I didn't know how long I could continue to act like my feelings were strictly friendship.

I knew I had a lot to do and not so much time to do it. I would have to take her home earlier than planned because of Bella's new insights. I had work I had to get done back in Seattle, but it seemed I wouldn't be able to leave Forks for a few days.

"I should take you home," I regrettably muttered, my hand softly pulling her hand from my face.

She frowned, as I expected. "It's only mid-afternoon."

"And we have a long hike back."

"I thought…"

I smiled. "You didn't seem to enjoy it so much before. I don't want to cause you to become ill."

"If I close my eyes, can we stay a little longer?" Her eyes begged me.

I sighed. My long to do list would have to wait. When she looked at me like that… well, I couldn't say no.

I nodded and Bella smiled, shifting her weight. I had forgotten we had been standing for the long while and her legs fatigued. I pulled her down into the flowered-floor beneath our feet.

"Do you come here often?" she asked as I lounged myself comfortably back onto my elbows.

"Not particularly anymore. I found it a few years back before I moved from Forks. It was my escape then. The theatre is why I go now to clear my mind. It's a different atmosphere, and lately I haven't been craving to be around the living. The theatre has the feeling of the… past… older… not dead, but definitely not alive."

The theatre reminded me of the time when I was alive, even though it wasn't built until after my heart had already stopped. It remained unchanged day after day, only slight changes over the centuries. The theatre and I were similar in that aspect, that and the music that we both held within us, waiting to let the world hear. Nature only depressed me lately.

But I wouldn't tell the whole truth to Bella. She'd only worry. Or think I was insane.

"It reminds you of your time? I mean… the earlier… um…" she stumbled over her words, obviously conscious of offending me by saying something wrong.

"It reminds me of when I was _human_, yes. It's alright. I've come to accept it over the years." I may accept it, but I didn't like it.

"Sorry."

"Don't be."

She ran her hands over the grass beside her and picked a small yellow flower, twirling it in her fingers. "I really like it here. Thanks bringing me here."

"You're welcome back anytime."

"I doubt I could find it again."

I smiled. "Well, in that case, just ask and we can return another weekend."

"Speaking of weekends," Bella started, keeping her eyes away from me. "Do we have to be restricted to just weekends?"

I didn't expect this.

"What happened to the homework and work schedule that had you so busy during the week?"

She blushed bright red. Something inside me stirred at the beautiful color and for once it wasn't the hideous monster.

"I'm not quite as busy now."

I laughed.

"Okay, you want the truth?" she said in an exasperated voice, throwing the flower at me. "I was nervous to be around you at first, but I know and trust you, and you're my best friend. The days are so long when I have to wait through boring classes and boring people to get to the weekend." She bit her lip nervously, her eyes looking down to the flowers her fingers played with. "I just want to see you more."

I smiled and handed the thrown flower back to her. "Of course, that's fine with me, but it'll have to wait a few weeks."

"Weeks?" she asked before her mouth turned into an "o" in realization. "Work, right?"

"I have to leave for Los Angeles for a recording of my new record."

"Really?" She was obviously intrigued. "I thought you did that yourself?"

"Occasionally, but normal composers don't know the linguistics. I have to keep up the façade."

She nodded in understanding. "How long will you be gone?"

"I don't know. It depends on how much they like or hate my newest songs."

"Is my song going to be recorded?"

I frowned. "I wasn't planning on it. It's a little too… _personal_… private to be broadcast."

"Is there any way _I_ might be able to get a copy?"

"I might be able to make a special CD. Do you have any other requests?"

Her teeth played with her bottom lip once more. "Can I get back to you with that?"

"Of course. Take your time. In fact, let me know next Saturday. I'll pick you up at eight again." I stood and held my hand out to her. She accepted and I pulled her to a stand.

"I'll miss you," she murmured.

"I'll be back before you notice."

It was dark by the time I finally dropped Bella off at her house, but not before stopping for a bite to eat at the nearest restaurant I could find. She politely refused persistently, but I wasn't about to send her home when I had deprived her of food for most of the weekend.

My phone had started vibrating shortly after I had told Bella about my short trip. I knew without looking who was calling me, but wasn't about to allow it to interrupt me. The vibrating came and went for the next few hours. My sister was infuriating!

Soon, I was speeding down the dark, unlit road from Bella's house and I finally pulled the small silver piece of nuisance from my pocket, hitting the talk button to return the last missed call.

"Took you long enough," the voice on the other side muttered angrily.

"You should've been able to see that I wasn't going to answer before you called the first time and waited," I retorted.

"I was hoping to change your mind. I doubt you would have called if I wasn't so persistent."

"Well, get on with it already."

"Come home. I know you're in Forks. We need to talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Edward, you broke the most important rule. Of course there's something to talk about."

"You didn't tell anyone, did you?"

"No, but you know that won't last long. There are no secrets in this house."

"Fine. Meet me on the porch. I'm not staying long." I flipped the phone shut, shoving it back in my pocket and making the turn to head home.

Alice was waiting for me when I arrived, just as promised. The house was a lit and I could hear Jasper wondering why Alice had left him and been constantly dialing her phone for most of the afternoon. It angered him that he would not let her in on what she had seen to upset her. He heard my car on the driveway and realized it must have to do with me and "the human girl I was recently obsessed with." The lust coming from upstairs wasn't helping him anymore, and he desperately wanted Alice to come and satisfy his lust as well

Emmett was trying his best to distract Jasper, frustrated at his constant failed attempts. Rosalie was obsessing over herself upstairs and he was in the mood for a wrestling match. He was even thinking that he would challenge me if I were ever home, though he always lost due to my foreknowledge of all of his moves.

I tuned out the thoughts of my family, knowing now that Alice had kept her word and had not told anyone of her recent vision. She would confirm it with me, even though she knew without a doubt that she had seen the true events.

"Alice," I greeted as I stepped from the car.

She was immediately on her feet and standing before me, throwing her arms around me.

I stood still, surprised at the motion and confused.

"You never come home anymore!" she whined, looking up at me, but not removing her arms. "I can't help that I miss you!"

I laughed. "I was just here not too long ago. And I know Jasper has been keeping you busy."

She smiled, but didn't answer. I was happy that he kept her happy, but surely she knew that their happiness only enhanced my loneliness. Jasper understood better than anyone how being with the six others in the clan affected me. There was no doubt he would share this piece of information with her.

"You should bring her along with you! She and I would be great friends."

I wasn't going to deny that even though I couldn't see Alice and Bella having much in common besides me.

"She's not ready for that yet. Give it some time."

_But she knows! It wouldn't be _that_ uncomfortable! I would make her feel right at home._

That's what I was afraid of.

"_I'm_ not ready for that yet," I added.

Alice pouted.

"Eventually," I muttered, hoping to appease her.

It worked.

"So, I'm not allowed to say anything until then, I suppose?"

"No, and you know why."

She nodded, images of the Volturi in their black robes filling her mind's eye. "Though I think the others would be upset if it came to that and they realized they had been left in the dark."

"It's for their own safety. I can't jeopardize them with my actions. I would choose not to jeopardize you if I had the choice."

"I know, but I would rather know. I'm liking being the only one to know all your little secrets and exactly what it is you do – or plan to do – when you disappear with her."

I growled, not liking that she was prying into my business.

_You pry in my head. It's a little more personal_.

I couldn't argue with her, though I knew she had more control over what she saw than what I heard.

"So, are you really leaving?"

"Do you even have to ask?"

She shrugged. _I was hoping you'd change your mind_.

"And do what instead?"

An image of her dressing Bella up and my four siblings joining us for a night in Seattle for dinner and a movie appeared, then changed to clubbing instantly, and then again to Bella sitting on the living room couch.

"Alice!"

The images faded away.

"I told you: _not yet_."

The pout was back.

"How much longer?"

"You'll know the answer probably before I do."

She seemed to accept this answer and moved on. "Why are you in such a hurry to leave me? Don't you want to see the others?"

"They're preoccupied, and Jasper wants you returned to him soon or he's going to come out and interrogate my intentions toward you."

Alice rolled her eyes. "He is not."

"No, but he has some… _unsettled_ emotions he needs some help taking care of."

She tried her best to hide the smile and repress the images in her head. I involuntarily put a hand over my eyes, trying to shield myself unsuccessfully from what I was seeing.

"Where are you going?"

"You know where."

"She won't say anything. She respects you too much. I think she was telling the truth when she said what you are doesn't matter to her. She doesn't react badly at all to anything that you abnormally do."

"Thanks, Alice," I murmured sarcastically.

"Fine. Run off to your human and leave me."

"You're better off without me anyway," I called back as I slid into the car and shut the door, pulling away before she had a chance to say anything.

However, there was the inconvenience that I could hear her reply without being within earshot.

_I hate seeing him so sad, _she thought as she headed back into the house. _He needs this to turn out for the best. Maybe it'll turn out for the best that Bella's clumsy. Maybe it'll force him to do what he thinks he would never do in order for him to find happiness_.

My hands clutched the stirring wheel and I had to stop myself from turning the car around and giving Alice a piece of _my_ mind after her last thought. This relationship with Bella was turning into me fighting all the assumptions of who I was and what I would "inevitably" do.

I was suddenly afraid that my family's thoughts of me were going to ruin everything _I_ wanted.

The Swan residence was dark and quiet when I arrived back. It was late, I knew. I had taken quite the detour from my last stop to coming here in order to cool myself off and convince myself that everything was all in my head. I could do this. I wouldn't let them get the best of me.

I knew that coming here when Bella was asleep was not the wisest move I could make. I wouldn't learn anything from the expedition, but I couldn't suppress the yearning of seeing her again, although it had been not so long ago since I had bid her goodnight. I tried to tell myself that the goal was to learn if she told anyone about me and that could not happen when she was unconscious.

Unless someone eavesdropped as she talked in her sleep.

The front door was locked and I knew that it would be difficult to maneuver around the house as quickly and quietly as I could hope. Chief Swan would no doubt shoot me without second thought if he suspected me entering his house. Which left me with only one other entrance.

I quickly scaled the tree in the front lawn and leaped to the second story window. The window was shut, but thankfully not locked, but moaned miserably when I pulled it open. I cringed. I would have to bring some WD-40 with me next time.

… next time?

I really was losing it.

I landed without a sound in the room and realized that I had stumbled upon Bella's room.

She lay tucked in her quilt with her hair tangled around her. The sight was not so unfamiliar to me, but this time I did not have the option of crawling in beside her – not that I would have considered it otherwise. I simply found myself wishing that she would hug and snuggle into me as she did with that pillow.

I must have missed the talking stage of her slumber, because although I settled myself into the rocking chair in the corner for a long hour, she neither moved nor uttered a word.

I was sadly disappointed, hoping to hear my name emerge from her lips again.

Her room was cluttered, but not messy. An old computer sat gathering dust on a cluttered desk. The chair held a few articles of clothing that looked to be set out for school the following 

morning. A stack of books and CDs lay on the floor not far away and I longed to look at her favorites so if the time came I could surprise her with something special. I remained where I was, intent on not invading her privacy more than I already was.

I sighed. I should return to Seattle for the remainder of the night and return in the morning when she was awake, but I couldn't tear myself away. I gave up trying and settled myself in for the night, for once content on watching her and not having to battle my lust.

My mind wandered to our day together, with how much more comfortable Bella felt around me. The way she hugged me, settled in near me, looked at me and touched me gave the impression that not only was she becoming more comfortable with being close to me, but she was beginning to open up to the thought of perhaps something more than friendship. I had moved too fast – that was all. Now that I had settled back and given a chance for her true feelings to form, I had a feeling that when I returned from California I might be able to make the next move forward.

Nonetheless, relationship or not, I felt at peace in her presence and would enjoy it for the short few hours while I could before being pulled away. But that wouldn't stop me from planning something special for her come my return.

**A/N: Whoo... longer chapter! He's going to try to make a move in the next chapter and surprise her. What do you think he'll do? I'm excited! :)**

**Well, from my outline and the few end chapters I have written, it looks like we have roughly 13 chapters to go! At this rate, I should be done by mid-October! Crazy. I finally wrote the VERY ending and am very excited - just have to fill in the parts between now and then and hope the story doesn't grow a mind of it's own (as it has a habit to) and veer off course!**

**Don't forget about the POLL on my profile about the POV in this story! I love feedback.**

**Also, I finally got a facebook! So if you check out the link on my profile, I'd love to friend my fans and answer questions and give updates about the story!**

**Review! I would LOVE to hear your guesses on what Edward has planned. Don't worry, it will be revealed in the next chapter - I won't drag on his trip for TOO long ;) !**


	17. Romantic Intentions

**A/N: So, so, so sorry it's been so long! School and athletics is catching up with me, not to mention I've torn a tendon in my dominant thumb which is making life difficult for me!**

**Short chapter, but it needed to be ended where it ends for obvious reasons. I'm beginning to skip through time, which will gradually become longer periods of time - sorry! I love this story (and I'm glad some of you do too!), but there's SO much more to go through and it's already taking up too much of my time.**

**Anywho, enough chit chat. Onward!**

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"So, Edward. The songs you have given me are great, don't get me wrong, but where's this new stuff you were promising me?"

I was trying to look busy by shuffling through the contact for the recording and the selling of the would-be product. I had dealt with Mac before, but I knew better than to think he wouldn't try to screw me. The important thing was for me to keep the rights to the sheet music, to the actual composition. I knew that if I kept that, the music would always be mine; no one would be able to reproduce, copy, or alter my songs in any way. I knew that only someone of… my _specialties_ would be able to pick up exactly what notes my fingers hit at each precise moment in order to want to play the song. It wouldn't be difficult to find them.

"Sorry, still in progress. Different genre anyway." I concentrated on some fine print.

"Come on, Edward. No one reads these things anymore." Mac snatched the papers away and thrust a pen into my now empty hands. "Let me at least hear what you've got so far. You promised."

I gave him one look, and that's all it took for him to back off. I knew he had angered me enough to cause my eyes to darken. His instincts would finally come in and overshadow his pathetic sales techniques. I didn't know why I continued to give him business. I was plenty able to find another publisher or do it myself. However, the behavior of usual musical, or any, artists, was to stick with the publisher that "discovered" them, or one who would offer them the best deal and fame.

I couldn't get much higher than Mac, and I didn't want to risk him talking if I left. My semi-fame was risky enough with my situation. I wasn't about to make it any more difficult than I needed to.

I took the papers back from him and finished reading them before scrawling my signature in all the appropriate places, handing them back to him before he could make another complaint.

"Why do you bother reading the contract every time? Don't you realize I just make a copy of the previous contract and change the name and date?"

"Can never be too careful," I murmured vaguely. "We're done here?"

I didn't wait for him to answer the question before turning and walking away. The annoying pest followed closely on my heels, jogging to keep up with my long stride.

"You're moving on from classical? What's bringing on this change? I thought classical was your life?"

"Exactly, _was_." I itched to dash away, but fought to deal with his company for a few short minutes longer and not arouse suspicion.

"What genre are you moving to?"

"Haven't decided."

This caused Mac to stop in his tracks, making it very easy for me to leave him behind.

"How could you not have decided yet? I thought you had songs finished?"

I smiled and waved as I slid into my car, driving away before Mac could pick his jaw up off the ground. I had places to go, people to see – well, one person – but I had to finalize my plans first.

I arrived in Forks with plenty of time. It was late morning. If all went well, I would be seeing Bella by sunset.

I made a pit stop at a grocery store before sidetracking to my apartment in Seattle. I hadn't made a meal… ever… and I wanted to give myself ample time and plenty of ingredients for screw-ups.

I had yet to figure out how I would tell when a 'screw-up' occurred.

With a sigh, I emptied the paper bags, flipped my television to the food network, and pushed up my sleeves.

. . .

By five pm, dinner for one sat on a table for two on a beach overlooking the ocean to the west. In a few hours, the sun would near the horizon and provide an outstanding view. Candles littered the area to be lit when the sky darkened and an expensive sound system ready to play an array of medleys at the push of a remote button.

Dinner would be special, but I looked forward to dancing with her under the stars the most.

I planned on a sensual evening with Bella. I longed to kiss her, but would only do so if the evening went in my intended direction. I would woo her with manners and old fashion attention, the way I should have from the beginning. It would be the first step toward showing her my intentions toward her. If the worst should happen, I had a backup plan at the ready, but I hoped it would not prove necessary.

I took one last look over the secluded beach before heading toward my Volvo. I would lure her hear where I would be waiting – anxiously awaiting her and her reaction, hoping she would accept me.

The odometer neared one mile and I pulled over to the side of the road, grabbing the top sheet of paper from the passenger seat along with my hammer and a nail.

_Park your car here,_ the note read. _Follow the candle-lit path toward the ocean._

I nailed the note to a tree within easy sight of her human eyes and slid back into my car, resetting my odometer and heading onto my next stop on my way to Bella's father's house.

Five stops later, my nervousness increased. Bella's house would soon loom in my vision. My trip had been longer than I anticipated – weeks longer. Mac had me play songs repeatedly on multiple instruments. It seemed like I played every song forwards and backwards, up a key, down a key… The whole time I could only think of one thing:

Getting home to Bella.

I stopped on the corner and quickly tapped another note within view, but hidden enough that one would not find it unless looking for it, since I did not want other Fork's residences following my particular directions.

I left my car and grabbed the last few objects left on my passenger seat – the final note and a chocolate truffle. I planned to enter her bedroom window and leave them on her pillow, then waiting until the appropriate time to draw her upstairs if she did not find them herself.

I took a short cut through the trees, running a few short seconds until her house came into view.

My feet stopped suddenly when her house came into view. An unfamiliar car was parked out front, a Volkswagen, and a strange scent came from the house. I wrinkled my nose in disgust and forced myself closer to investigate.

The scent intensified. Obviously Bella's visitor had the opposite effect on me than she did, but a foul smell wouldn't keep me away. I made my way through the trees, climbing in order to get a better view, until I could see through a window and spot her.

My eyes finally fell on her through her second story bedroom window. A smile filled my face and I felt a familiar tingle run through me at the anticipation of the electric current that flowed through me whenever she was near.

She was laughing. My ears picked up the sound and I longed to go to her, to throw my plan away and go to her – surprise her.

Strong arms grabbed her and pulled her from my vision. She disappeared with a squeal.

My body immediately tensed and I crouched, ready to make the leap across the forty foot distance between us and save her from her unknown attacker. I adjusted to bring her into my view again.

She was in the arms of a dark haired boy and I couldn't help but growl as I noticed they were lip-locked. The protector side of me was in full swing, and I was still ready to go to her until I realized she wasn't struggling against him. No, she was pulling him closer.

A deep, unfathomable pain coursed through my very being. I had never imagined this to be a possibility. I was too late. Her heart was taken. Here I was, spying on her in the arms of her obvious lover. I couldn't take my eyes away.

"Jake," she moaned, as his lips left hers and traveled along the column of her throat, much like I imagined doing on multiple occasions.

Flashes of our night of passion flickered through my mind, re-earthed by the familiar sight before me. This time she would be taken willingly. This time she would be fully coherent and with a boy her age.

Images of her below me, on top of me, flickered through my mind, images I was not familiar with, and I finally realized I was not the one having the erotic thoughts. It was _him_. The bastard who was about to live my fantasy.

I growled and tore myself away from the scene, taking off through the woods. I tore my brightly colored directions from the trees, crumpling them to dust-like particles and leaving them floating in my wake. I ran until his thoughts left my head and until I reached the beach twenty miles away. The plate of food traveled a mile through the air before splashing into the darkening ocean. The candles turned to ash under my feet. Somewhere in my rage the stereo system switched on, and instead of becoming the attention of my anger, it stopped me. I fell to my knees and fisted my hands into the sand.

I had lost the one thing I yearned for. I had lost the one thing that would save me from my eternal hell.

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**A/N: Sniff, sniff. Poor Edward! You had to predict Jacob coming into the picture just as Edward leaves... didn't you?**

**I'll be on the road for 18 hours this weekend, so hopefully I'll be posting many more chapters soon! Please review!**


	18. Reunited

**A/N: Wow, so I really pissed A LOT of you off by bringing Jacob into the picture. Don't worry, this is and Edward / Bella story and I promise I won't torture Edward too much, but I also don't want to give away too much about what's going to happen. I just wanted to clarify, that I am not a 'Jake Lover,' but I have nothing against them or him. He's just a necessity for the story to continue in the right direction.**

**Chapter Eighteen! It's slightly longer. I'll try for chapter nineteen to be slightly longer still. Enjoy and please review!**

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"… and the stars fell out of the sky

And my tears rolled into the ocean.

Now I'm looking for a reason why

You even set my world into motion.

'Cause if you're not really here,

Then the stars don't even matter.

Now I'm filled to the top with fear,

But it's all just a bunch of matter.

'Cause if you're not really here

Then I don't want to be either.

I wanna be next to you…"

I trailed off with a frustrated growl. A new song was flowing through my veins and I felt the call of the lyrics to me, but they weren't adding up – weren't making any sense to me. I knew that the song was from my recent disappointing evening with Bella – or lack of an evening at all – but I couldn't fill in the missing pieces.

If I had the ability to product tears, they would have rolled into the ocean that night as I stared out at the star-speckled horizon. The words I had planned to say to her rolled about my subconscious as I tried to tell myself that she was better off finding someone better fit for her.

_I imagined myself laying on the beach beside her, watching her stare up at the sky. I would lean close to her, propping myself up on one arm and stare into her star-studded eyes._

"_My world was as dark as a starless sky before I met you, Bella," I would tell her, running my fingers gently through her hair. "The stars were my haven, but they have lost their gleam for me. You shot across the sky, a bright a brilliant meteor. The world will never be the same without you, and that's somewhere I never want to be."_

I shook the image from my mind. It would never happen. I told her that all she had to do was say the world and I would leave her alone. That all she needed to do was come to her senses and realize that I was unhealthy for her. Obviously, all it took was for me to be out of the picture for a month and a half for her to meet a boy and forget about me.

It was absurd for me to think that I had possibly meant more to her.

It took me two days to drag my ass from the sand and back to Seattle. It seemed I had a song to write.

The piano sat in my living room beside the wall-size bay windows overlooking the east. The shadows lengthened and shortened and disappeared various times as my fingers experimented with the keys. The song was coming together and falling apart. I felt like I would never come apart.

Time had never mattered to me, but now, I tried to fight the hours. I knew that as soon as the songs were complete, I would go off to Italy. Bella had been just the one to prove to me that I was not worthy of anyone. That unlike my siblings who had managed to find a partner to deal with the life thrust upon them, that I would be forever alone. The realization was enough to give me reason not to hope any longer.

Suddenly, one evening, a sound disrupted the flow of the music and the life outside. My hands paused, wondering what it had been. It sounded again… a knock… on _my_ door.

I paused to listen for the thoughts of whoever chose to disrupt me. I knew any of my siblings would be aware that I would be listening and thinking obnoxious thoughts. Or if it was my disgruntled neighbor telling me to keep it down, he would be thinking of how to confront me to be the most productive. However, I heard no thoughts, which could only mean one of two things.

I stood and went to the door, opening it.

Bella… well, she looked amazing to put it simply. Startling. Astounding. Staggering. Either her new boy or her distance from me was doing her _very_ well.

She looked nervous. Her lower lip was sucked in between her teeth which were gently playing with it. Her hands wrung, the skin gliding on each other. I couldn't help but the natural reactions she had on me. A gently breeze brushed past her and carried her scent toward me. It hit me almost violently. A powerful thirst almost as strong as when I first met her encompassed me. I closed my eyes and held my breath, hoping to hide my suddenly dark, thirsty eyes from her when she would turn to me, and I hoped to keep the sweet smell from entering my lungs and affecting me further. It was too late. Other portions of my body were already responding. Besides the typical clenching of muscles, heavy flow of venom into my mouth, and burning in my throat, the little blood in l had flowing through my system from my last hunting trip – which I couldn't even remember going on anymore – rushed to one particular organ. The one organ I wished would return to the slumber it had been in for nearly ninety years.

"Bella," I greeted, feeling her eyes on me. I chanced a steady breath and was able to calm myself before opening my eyes.

Her bright brown eyes stared at me with a mix of emotions I chose not to delve into.

"Bella," I greeted again, gesturing her to come in.

Her eyes traveled around my living room, but I knew there wasn't much to see. That didn't seem to stop her curiosity.

"I didn't expect you. How did you know I was back?"

"Alice," she said conversationally, turning back toward me.

Alice. That girl was going to pay for her meddling. However, my mind was quickly sidetracked from my annoying pest of a sister.

Her dark blue sweater clung to her sides and her breasts, and her voluptuous legs were encased in tight jeans. I salivated at the picture she created before me, but it wasn't venom that filled my system, it was lust.

"Why didn't you come by?" she asked. "You're sister hasn't seen you either."

"Recording took longer than it should have."

"You had my number. You didn't call…"

If only she knew how badly I wanted to. Every night as I lay alone in an expensive five-star hotel bed, she was on my mind. I had longed to hear her voice, her laugh, to hear that she missed me as much as I missed her.

"I forgive you," she finally said, taking a step toward me where I still stood in the entranceway. "You don't need to give me excuses. I understand that you were away on business. How did it go, by the way?"

She was too good to me. I should have called. I should have handled the situation differently, but the whole time I was away, I was concentrated on getting back and wooing her. Since, I had been trying to stay alive.

"Long. Boring. I couldn't wait to come home and get away from the bastard who thinks he owns me."

She laughed and the darkness from my life disappeared for an instant.

"Where are my manners? Please, sit down. Make yourself comfortable. Can I get you anything?"

She gave me a disapproving look. "I know you have no food, so it's really not necessary. And I didn't come here to eat. I came to see you."

"I would have been more prepared had I known…"

"I know." She went over to the piano and sat down, gently brushing her fingers over the keys. "What was it that you were playing before? I don't think I've heard it before…"

"No," I admitted, and felt a pang at the realization that she had heard the beginnings of the song that exposed my emotions about her so plainly. "It's still a work in progress. I already have a due date for it."

"Can I hear more of it?"

Was it wrong for me to hope that she wouldn't ask? I hated denying her, but I wasn't willing to let her listen to it while I still continued to breathe.

"You'll be the first once it's finished."

She pouted slightly, but seemed at least a little satisfied.

"I didn't mean to interrupt…"

"No worries, really." I sat down in an arm chair a few feet away, keeping a safe distance between us. "Tell me what you have been up to while I've been gone. I hope you got out and did more than just school and work."

The blush that crept up her cheeks explained everything before she opened her mouth. She was infatuated with the boy. He mattered more to her than I did.

She told me of her first weekend without me. She was invited to La Push with a few friends from school and had met a family friend while she was there – Jake. He immediately showed interest in her, yet she brushed off his advances. He was by her side for the remainder of her stay, and asked her to call him as she left in her truck that used to be his father's.

When I didn't call, she grew lonely and decided to accept his offer and call. Over the course of the following weeks, she continually went to his house and watched as he worked on his new car. Occasionally, he and his father would come to her house where she would cook them dinner.

Jake soon made another advance on her, and this time, she accepted it. He was nice, she described, and he was her best friend. He wanted it to be more, and she didn't see it as impossible anymore. They had been dating for a few weeks and she was looking forward to seeing where it would go.

The story was hard to listen to, especially since it was going further and better than she was letting on. But she was happy. That's all that mattered to me.

Right?

It was a school night, so Bella's visit didn't last nearly as long as I would have hoped, yet it was better that way. When she pressed up against me in a tight hug before she left, all my feelings returned and I fought against the urge to drag her back into the house and tell her everything that had really happened since I had returned. I wanted her, and I wanted to her to want me. I wanted to kiss me and allow me to drag her into my room to put my expensive bed to good use once again.

I kept my feet to the floor. I kept my mouth shut. I watched her leave. The next few weeks were going to be torture.

I stood, leaning against the door for a long time before I dragged myself back to my piano where I rooted myself. If her visit was good for one thing, it was inspiration. Before the sun rose the next morning, two of my songs were complete, two more on their way. Within a week, I had completed a full disk and had it professionally recorded from my theater and two copies postmarked and in the mail. The first one was addressed to Mac. The second, to Bella.

I hadn't heard from her since she stopped by the previous Sunday. I knew it would be the last time I would see her at all. I debated with the idea of stopping by her house just to see her one last time, but I knew leaving with no further confrontation or temptation was for the best. The last thing I needed was to see her with her new partner.

There was nothing more to be said. Everything was in the CD titled, _It Is All For You_. If she didn't understand that, then she can remember me as a friend. If she realized my feelings, nothing changed. She would never see me again.

Having nothing else to do to occupy my lonely night, I stooped to the level of a lonely human, buying an expensive bottle of wine and settling on my couch to drink my fantasies to reality.

In the morning, I would leave for Italy.

* * *

**A/N: PLEASE REVIEW! Reviews keep Edward from going to the Volturi. If I reach 100 reviews, I'll post the next chapter tomorrow!**


	19. Midnight Visits & Tears

**A/N: Thanks for all your great reviews! It seems I really irked some people... no, the story is no where near done. I think I'm about halfway down my outline as of this chapter coming up, so rest assured there's plenty more to come!**

**Also, forgot to add that the lyrics at the beginning of last chapter do not belong to me! They belong to Sam Sparro from the song Black & Gold.**

**Enjoy! Please Review!**

I was woken to the faint sound of someone tentatively knocking on my front door. I groaned, blindly reaching in the general direction of where my clock sat on my bedside table and grew distraught when my reach achieved no results. I squinted to gather my bearings and found myself on the couch. I cursed. I could feel the onset of a hangover from the bottle of wine I had finished off not an hour earlier.

The knocking grew more confident and more urgent as it was ignored. I was in no mood for company and no one could possibly change that. But the knocking was doing no good on the ache in my head, so I dragged myself up, intending on telling visitor to piss off and slam the door in their face. I could care less for the consequences right now.

I threw open the door and opened my mouth, but my words froze in my throat.

"Bella?"

So it was the last person on earth I thought it would be, and I had to admit to myself that I was glad to see her. Sure, it was completely out of character for her to show up at my doorstep unannounced let alone at this hour and I wouldn't imagine what would prompt such a visit.

I stood there like an idiot for a few long moments, which luckily passed off as a slow, sleep-riddled brain – though she knew better than to think I slept – and I'm sure my reaction would have been the same had she shown up twelve hours earlier.

I stepped aside awkwardly, almost tripping over my own feet and tried unsuccessfully to pull my tongue out of my throat. So instead I motioned for her to come in.

Instead she took a step back, and I didn't miss the way her eyes drifted down over my shirtless torso and lingered a bit too long on my low ridden waistline of my jeans.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come. I don't know what I was thinking."

She looked as if she were going to bolt at any second. I didn't understand. I mean, it was completely natural for Bella to want to hide things from me and stumble over words almost more than me, but usually I had more insight regarding what it was about, so I could use good sense over whether to pry it out of her or let it be. I couldn't feel the effects of the alcohol in my system any longer, but that didn't always mean that I could think clearly.

On second thought, maybe this was all an alcohol-induced hallucination, my mind's desperate attempt to reach for sanity again.

"Bella?"

She started backing away and her mouth moved faster than the words came out, so I had to struggle to understand her.

"I shouldn't have come. I'm sorry I interrupted you – "

"Where are you going?"

She turned around, as if looking for her destination.

"Bella. Come on. It's no hour to be wandering around. Come inside. I'll make you a mug of that chocolate stuff you like."

Usually that's all it took to talk some sense to her, but for some reason it brought on the opposite reaction I intended. A sob caught in her throat and tears ran quickly down her cheeks. She quickly ducked her head to hide her face from me and started quickly down the driveway. Her car wasn't anywhere in sight so I knew without a doubt that she had walked from _somewhere_. Where, I had no idea.

I left the door open and quickly caught up to her. Spinning her around and hugging her tightly against my chest, she leaned in for a moment before pushing away, fighting me. But I only tightened my hold.

"Don't run away from me, Bella. Come on, you know I'll only have to chase after you. And we both know you don't stand a chance."

She didn't say anything, but she stopped squirming. I knew better to think the battle was over.

"Come inside, please? You don't have to talk. I'll even make up the couch for you to sleep."

She was still for a moment before she nodded against my chest and I led her inside.

As I locked the door behind me, she wordlessly walked to the couch where I had been mindlessly laying minutes earlier and laid down, curling up in a ball and burying her face in the cushions. I looked at her pitifully and sat on the floor next to her, running a hand through her hair.

"Do you want some hot chocolate, Bella?"

She didn't answer, but I went to the kitchen to brew a cup.

I had never seen her like this before and it scared me. I knew she was an emotional person, but she had always held back the tears around me. The fact that she ran to me proved that she finally realized I was always there for her as I claimed, or she had nowhere else to go.

I frowned as I noted the last reason was probably the case by how she pushed me away.

I could never understand her. I knew she didn't have many friends at school her or her own age for that matter. She used to seem to spend a lot of her free time with me. She claimed me to be her best friend, but I knew there were so many things she kept from me. On top of it all, even thought I'd told her countless times that I would do anything for her and she could come to me for anything, she wouldn't. It was like she either didn't trust me or didn't trust herself.

I grabbed the mug I bought for her and filled it with whip cream and chocolate mix as I waited for the water to boil. I had seen it done enough times to know how it was done, and it wasn't hard to tell when she needed it. I knew if I got her to calm down enough to drink it I could either get her to sleep or talk about what was bothering her. The problem was, I had no idea which she needed more – to get it off her chest and allow me to help her, or to sleep it off and move on to a new day.

I decided to let her choose; if she wanted to talk, I'd be there for her; if she started to nod off, I wouldn't stop her and perhaps broach the subject in the morning if need be.

I took a breath and grabbed the finished mug of hot chocolate and headed for the living room. The muffled sobs were gone and the room was quiet. She hadn't moved an inch, but I could tell by her deep breathing that she was asleep.

I placed the mug next to my empty wine bottle on the coffee table and bent down to scoop her up into my arms. I didn't care that I had told her she could sleep on my couch. There was no way I was giving her anything but the best I could.

I carried her to my bedroom and carefully removed her shoes, knowing anything more would wake her, and tucked her in. I watched her for a moment before leaning down and pressing my lips to her temple.

"I love you, my Isabella," I whispered in her sleeping ear before leaving her to sleep in peace.

I collapsed on the sofa, unable to rid the possibilities of what could have brought this about out of my mind. I knew better than to expect her to talk to me in the morning. She'd put on that stubborn mask of hers when she woke and saw me and deny everything.

And there was nothing I could do about it.

I grabbed the hot chocolate and sipped it tentatively. The warm liquid slid down my throat. I could see how the beverage calmed her down, but it did little on my frantic nerves. I knew that I was doing everything right in this crazy, messed up relationship of ours… Well, everything but one thing, but I really couldn't do anything else about it. Maybe I should have just let her walk away from me after that fateful night. It would have been best for both of us, right? Forgive and forget? I couldn't do it. Still, to this day, I believe I would have regretted not going after her, not making the deal with her.

I had tried to push my feelings aside. I tried to rationalize, tried throwing myself back into work to get her off my mind. It was useless. She felt nothing for me. She proved that by the love she showed for her current boyfriend.

Her boyfriend. Why had she come to me and not to him? What was his name? _Jacob_. It was completely uncharacteristic. A sudden thought caused anger to coarse through me. If that _dog_ hurt her…

Before I could imagine the things I'd do to him, I heard something come from the bedroom. A sob ripped through the quiet apartment. I headed for the bedroom without thinking, the remaining lukewarm hot chocolate in hand.

I sat on the edge of the bed, the mug once again disregarded for the time being. But before I could even reach out to her she snapped at me.

"Go away, Edward. Leave me alone."

"I'm not going anywhere, love."

"You're not making this any easier!" she whined, sniffing.

"Talk to me, Bella. What's wrong?"

She sat up quickly and glared at me through her swollen red eyes before making as if to leave.

"Where are you going?"

"You said I didn't have to talk about it."

I sighed. "Of course you don't. Stay. Rest. I'm here when you need me."

It hurt me to say the words and it hurt me even more to stand up and leave her, knowing she would rather I be gone.

"I care about you, Bella. I wish you trusted me."

Before I could turn away, she threw herself into my arms. "Edward!" she sobbed, crying harder. She gripped me tight, clinging to me almost. Words sputtered through her lips, but were lost or incoherent through her sobs. Obviously my words had caused her pain. She tried to explain that it wasn't true, that I didn't understand. Her incapacity to get the words out just distressed her more.

I held her close, hating seeing her like this, but at the same time relishing that she chose me to come to for comfort, knowing I could be there to help.

"Calm down, Bella. Take a breath."

I ran my hand through her hair and stroked her back, turning my concentration fully to her needs and I was able to repress the feelings that having her so close and rubbing my hands all over her body caused. I didn't matter. It was only about her.

Her sobs quieted, but didn't cease. "I couldn't do it, Edward. It wasn't you and I couldn't live with that."

I had no idea what she was talking about, but I knew if I didn't press her she'd continue without prompting.

"I'm sorry, Edward. You're more important to me than anyone. Don't leave me."

The sincerity in her voice brought an unexplainable feeling to blossom within me. I knew she didn't return my feelings, but the fact that I had that much importance in her life meant the world to me.

"I'm here for you always, Bella. You can always come to be. I'll do anything for you."

She said nothing more after that. She cried for hours on my shoulder as I sat there and tried to soothe her. Eventually, around five in the morning, she fell into an exhausted sleep. I laid her down to help her sleep more peacefully and she curled into my body, murmuring my name and something unintelligible.

My mind had long ago stopped wondering what had put her in such a state. The effort only spun me in circles and put ridiculous hypotheses in my head. Instead I laid next to her and watched her sleep. What wouldn't I do to have her here with me everything night! I remembered the blissful, yet painful memory of the last time the two of us where here. I hoped she wouldn't run out on me again when she woke. I hoped she would lay with me and talk about things… this was Bella I was talking about here. The chance of getting her to open up to me was about as good of a chance as having her return my feelings… As having her want me as much as I wanted her.

I looked down, studying her blotchy face. She was so innocent in her sleep. She deserved so much. She deserved so much. She deserved a guy who would never do to her what I had that night oh so long ago. Yet, I couldn't imagine there was a man out there for her that I would approve. I felt like the father she never had. But at the same time, I wish the man for her could be me.

I couldn't leave now, not when I had caused her so much pain with only a few words. I needed to know what it was that brought her to tears. _She_ needed me. It would be terribly selfish to leave her alone now.

I had to push these feelings aside. I had to forget about me and my wants and my needs and focus on her. She was the most important thing in my life. It's about time I started showing it.

I vowed to myself I would forget about her – no, not forget. I would forget about myself. I would let her go. She claimed she couldn't do something because of me. I didn't want that to be the case, especially after seeing how much pain it had caused her. All that mattered to me now was her happiness. I would devote my life to it.

**A/N: Yay for Edward not going to Italy to off himself. I don't think I'm capable of killing him, I love him too much. Plus, I've grown to like it inside his head.**

**New trailer released this weekend for the movie! Can't wait!**

**Don't forget about the poll on my profile in regards to this story!**

**Please Review! Reviews make Edward happy and Reviews bring about faster posts! Hopefully you guys can motivate me to write lots this weekend!**


	20. Secluded Heart to Heart

**A/N: Hey, guys. Thanks for all the positive feedback! I love it!**

**FYI: I typed all of this chapter on my ipod while en route from Flagstaff, AZ to Las Cruses, NM. I'm very sorry if there are typos and I will change them immediately if alerted. I wanted to get this up for you guys asap, so I briefly looked over it and tried to correct everything, but I more than likely overlooked something since ipod software likes to change words that it doesn't like - Like "Bella" to "bells" - argh!**

**Anywho, I tried to make it a bit longer than normal to fit everything in and keep you all happy. Enjoy and please review!**

I couldn't believe how long Bella slept. It was almost as though she hadn't slept for weeks, which I knew better than to believe from how good she looked and how happy she was last time I saw her. I refused to leave the bed. It wasn't as though I had anything else better to do with my time. My songs were completed and en route to their respective destinations, and all my affairs had been wrapped up with my impending departure. The tickets lay on the table beside the bed. I was supposed to leave soon in order to make it on time.

I didn't make any more to leave, and instead spent the long hours staring at her sleeping form, wondering how I was going to be able to get over her.

"Getting over her" wasn't really an option. I needed a distraction.

The various methods went through my mind. Obviously I needed something else outside of music, since the music only deepened my yearn for her. I wanted to occupy myself in a way that I could be there for Bella anytime she needed me, just as I promised, but when she wasn't there, I needed my mind to not constantly drift back to her. I needed to distract my heart and my head.

Bella seemed to have the same thoughts going through her. She constantly murmured my name. She called out for Jacob, _her _Jacob and then would trash and cry, "No, Jacob. No, I can't, I can't!"

Her cries for me broke my heart the most. "Please, Edward. Please."

If only I could see what she dreamt about!

The urge to delve deeper to discover just exactly why _she_ was the only one I could not hear thoughts of itched more than at most times. Of course, at times such as this, I always attempted harder to get past that barrier or reach that wavelength that barred me from her thoughts, but the fact that my attempts yielded no fruit just frustrated me further. There had to be an answer.

Was that the only reason why I was drawn to Bella? Was that what I _really_ was feeling? The strong feel of curiosity that kept pulling me toward her? Was that what this _love_ I felt really was?

I thought about it long enough to convince myself that it was so. I had never been in love before and I had never met someone who I couldn't constantly know what was going on in their head. Was that curiosity mixed with the guilt and the comfort of actually having a _friend_ that chose me instead of being forced into my family by outside circumstances what I was really feeling?

I answered yes. I was foolish to think that this was love.

The realization was both depressing and hopeful. I was still alone and the thought still remained that I would be unable to truly love with a dead heart – though I had seen those who shared my predicament overcome the theory. At the same time, if I was only _attached _to her because of those emotions, they could be overcome, and my days weren't numbered with hers.

I _could_ survive Bella, but at the moment I wasn't sure if I wanted to.

I turned my attention back to the sleeping beauty beside me. Her talking had ceased some time ago and I could tell by her breathing that she would be waking up soon. I gave into the temptation to touch her and ran a finger gently across her hairline and across her cheek. She stirred and a small sound of contentment made its way from her throat. Her head turned into the gesture.

"Edward," she whispered.

My cold heart thawed a little. Even in her sleep she needed me.

I pulled my hand away. Bella whimpered in response and reached out of me.

Sighing, and convincing myself it was safe, I moved from my sitting position to lay beside her. Immediately, she curled into me, pressing her warm cheek against my chest.

Her heat radiated into me and the electricity flowed through my veins with the month old blood I was functioning on. I could deny my _attachment _to her, but I couldn't deny the way she made me feel when she was near.

She was pressed up against my naked torso and I could only think of how lucky I was that she wore multiple layers so I wasn't more tempted by the feel of more skin on skin than her face and hands.

My method of distraction came to me as if a light bulb had been turned on in my head. I needed to get laid.

However, with Bella snuggling into me the way she was, there was no possibility for me to dwell on the realization. I had to think of cold showers and dead puppies in order for me to stem my reaction and prevent an embarrassing situation were she to wake up any time soon.

I wasn't able to suppress it soon enough.

Bella choose that moment to wake up. Granted, it was close to eleven in the morning, but she had only been here for eight hours or so. I sensed her breathing change first and the slight contraction in her skeletal muscles as they became stimulated again, which closely followed the acceleration of her heart rate and her eyes snapping open.

"Good morning," I murmured, my voice down almost an octave, though I wasn't sure if her ears could pick up the change.

Her hand brushed against my abdominal muscles that her tiny hand rested on before her head tilted up to look at me.

"Good morning," she returned my greeting. I swallowed heavily at the things her husky, sleep-filled voice did to me.

She mimicked my gesture and I watched as her Adam's apple bobbed. Her eyes traveled across my face and her fingers moved just slightly, caressing my skin causing a certain part of my anatomy to stir to life.

She was here – in my bed – laying with me. I knew I was misreading the situation, but she seemed as willing and wanting as I did.

No. She was innocent. She wasn't aware of the things she was doing. Don't do anything.

On second thought, I had to get out of there before I inevitably did something.

"How are you feeling?" I asked. I inwardly groaned at my internal monster. My intention was to ask her if she was hungry and run away to the kitchen – though I knew it was empty.

She closed her eyes and relaxed her head into my chest. "My head hurts."

"Do you need me to get you something? I can run across the street if you'd like."

"No," she replied quickly – too quickly – her arms tightening as if to keep me there. "I'm fine. Please don't leave."

I tried to remind myself to continue to breathe – since she was laying on my chest – but I felt so torn between satisfying her to listening to my instincts… well, my trained instincts.

I sighed, attempting to calm myself and cover up my abnormal chest rhythms. I knew what I had to do, and I hoped it would be the best for both of us.

"Sit up," I commanded gently.

She looked up at me. "What?"

"Sit up," I repeated.

She frowned and put her head back down on my chest, snuggling closer. "But I'm comfortable," she whined.

The comment startled me as well as my body. Of course she was comfortable; I was too. Immediately, comments such as other positions that she would be _more _comfortable in flashed through my mind. I didn't know what to say. It was so unlike her to say something like that… wasn't it?

"Bella?"

She didn't complain again and sat up, turning away from me, but I could see the dark embarrassed blush on her face.

I adjusted myself into a sitting position, leaning against the headboard. I touched her shoulder.

"Come here."

She didn't budge.

"Bella…."

I grabbed her and pulled her into my lap. Her body went rigid. I moved my hands from her upper arms and placed my fingers on her temples.

Within a few well-placed circular motions, her body relaxed into mine and she let out a small moan of pleasure.

I forced myself to breathe. I could not afford to lose my control with her nicely –shaped rear pressing against my groin. That especially was something I could not think about. However, if those sounds kept coming out of her mouth, I would not contain that control long enough to guarantee doing other things to her body to bring about more of those sounds.

I continued to massage her head, moving from her temporal to occipital lobes and then to her temporal. The more I moved, the more she relaxed. The small noises were very soft to the human ear, and I wasn't even sure if she knew she was doing it, but they might as well have been screamed in my ear.

I couldn't keep my hands off of her. My fingers continued to move on their own accord to the base of her head, rubbing out the tense knots to alleviate her discomfort. I continued to move to the top of her neck – her trapezius muscles of her shoulders and along her spine. Before I realized it, I had moved all the way down her spine, making sure to thoroughly rub out her rhomboid and latissimus dorsi muscles along the way. I had reached her sacral vertebrae before I abruptly realized where my "head massage" was leading me. With a last brush of my fingers I withdrew my hands from her body, immediately missing the feel of her soft, warm skin beneath my fingertips.

A small whimper left her mouth as my touch disappeared. My first instinct was that she was hoping my fingers would go all the way to the destination that they had been heading, but I immediately dismissed it. I knew Bella better than that, even though her accelerated heart rate and breathing seemed to support my former theory.

"Better?" I whispered in her ear, barely brushing my lips against the shell and inhaling the scent of her rich blood from her carotid artery in her neck.

She swallowed and nodded her head. "Much. Thank you." Her body relaxed back into mine, sliding down so she could rest her head against my shoulder comfortably.

She was quiet while she calmed her heart and breathing. "Where did you learn how to do that?" she asked, her voice still thick from sleep.

_Or the pleasure of your hands_, the monster thought with a snicker, trying to return my hands to touch her, to put her on her back and massage the front side of her torso. I repressed the thought._ Can't do one side and disregard the other!_ The monster complained.

"Practice," I answered, "and knowing muscles and pressure points from medical school has its uses."

"Oh." She sounded disappointed. "So you do this for a lot of girls?"

I rolled my eyes although she couldn't see. "Not nearly as many as you are thinking. Mostly patients from when I used to treat skeletal muscular problems decades ago."

"Tell me about it."

"There's not much to tell, really. I didn't enjoy it nearly as much as I thought I would. Women would schedule appointments for me complaining of… _certain_ muscular problems that I knew had a different underlying reason, if you catch my drift."

"You must have enjoyed that," she replied with a hint of some unknown emotion in her voice.

"On the contrary. I couldn't turn them away since I worked at a hospital, so I was forced to give unorthodox treatments often to avoid the uncomfortable situations."

"You didn't have to do that if it makes you uncomfortable."

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella. I enjoy giving them to you." I enjoy them a little too much, in fact.

"Well, you're very good at it. You have magic hands."

If only she'd let me show her what else I could do with my hands.

"Well, it's good to know they're good for more than just strumming piano keys."

She giggled and fell silent, not saying anything for a long while.

"What time is it?" Bella finally asked me.

"Probably around noon by now."

She made a face.

"Do you need to be somewhere?"

"No, I'm not going to go."

"What are you skipping out on?"

"School."

I wasn't about to encourage her to go. Today, we both seemed resolve to just be with each other.

"You must have to get going soon though."

"What makes you say that?"

She pointed to the nightstand where the plane tickets sat. "I don't want to make you miss your flight."

"Too late," I said picking them up. "The plane left hours ago."

"Edward!" Bella screamed. "You should have woken me!"

"It's fine. I'm not going."

She stared at me, her mouth agape. "Why?"

"I changed my mind."

"Why were you going to go in the first place."

"Seemed important at the time."

"And now?"

"Unnecessary."

Her look told me she didn't believe me. "I was just going to take care of some personal items, but they resolved themselves."

"That's an expensive ticket to have just changed your mind about."

I shrugged. "Money doesn't mean much to me. I have more than enough to get by."

Bella rolled her eyes. "I wish I had your problems."

"What do you want to do today?"

"Nothing. I want to stay in her and forget the outside world exists." She leaned back and landed on the bed with a heavy thump.

"I think I'm having a bad influence on you." I muttered. "As good as that sounds, if you want to eat, you're going to have to face the light of day since the only edible thing I have is hot chocolate ingredients."

My comment sparked her interest. I gestured to the mug beside me. "I made some last night but you fell asleep."

She continued to stare at me like I was heaven on earth. I chucked and stood from the bed. "I'll go make you a mug."

When I returned she had one of my DVDs in the player and was watching the beginning. "do you mind?" she asked. "I thought we could just stay in bed and have a movie day."

Bed? All day? With Bella? Seemed like a recipe for disaster.

I nodded and handed her the mug, which lit up her whole face. She sipped it win a groan, her eyes falling closed.

"Thank you. It's perfect."

"You're welcome." I answered and settled in for a movie marathon.

The movie played in a blue and before I knew it, the end credits were rolling. Bella got up to replace it with another.

"I'm sorry about last night. I hope I didn't interrupt anything."

"Bella, you're always welcome here. Anytime."

She didn't say anything and now seemed as good of a time as any to broach last night since she brought it up.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

I sighed. I should have known better than to expect her to confess to me. "I'm here if you wanna talk"

"Thank you."

"But I hope you'll talk to me. I know you trust me and that's not the issue, and I'm only saying this because it's not good for you to keep whatever this is bottled up inside you. I'll take care of anything for you. If someone hurt you I'll -"

"Edward, it's not like that."

"But if it ever does -"

"I know. Thank you."

I waited. "So?" I prompted.

She took a deep breath. "I'll talk to you about it, just not now. It's too soon."

I nodded I could accept that.

"But there's something I wanted to ask you."

"Ask away."

"I saw the wine bottle on your coffee table."

"Yes?"

"I don't care that you drink," she said quickly, "and it's none of my business if you do – "

"Bella just ask!"

"What - well, I thought you couldn't eat ... Drink ... How do you drink alcohol? Does it even affect you?"

I laughed softly, and a deep blush appeared on her face. It was so bells to get flustered and nervous over such a question.

"It's complicated and Carlisle, my father who is a more learned doctor than I, hasn't completely figures it out. However, we consume blood because we do t produce our own and we need it to fuel our necessary body functions. Most of our organs are dead already since we don't use them, but obviously my brain still functions and I need to make venom and other body fluids, etcetera. The alcohol diffused into the blood just as any chemical, but since the brain is pretty much the only organ receiving the blood, it's the only organ affected. It's stronger the more thirsty I am, since that generally means I have less blood in my system."

"So it affects your decision-making but not your movements, like humans?"

"Essentially. It's a bit more complicated, but that about sums it up."

I wasn't about to explain to her that the excess, non-alcohol portion of the drink remained in my stomach until it was forcefully expelled.

"You're thirsty now." she observed.

"Yes."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No. You're not in any danger."

"Aren't you uncomfortable?"

"I'll get over it."

"Why were you drinking alone last night?"

I immediately stiffened.

She senses the movement. "I'm sorry. It's none of my business."

"No. It's fine." I took a moment to collect my thoughts. "You just caught me off guard. I know to a human it would seem like alcoholic behavior, but sometimes having so many memories is taxing and it's the best method of temporarily shutting off my brain. Unlike you, I can't sleep every night to escape reality."

She was quiet fir a long time. "I'm sorry. I didn't even think about that. It must be hard."

"I've learned to deal with it. It doesn't happen often that it becomes too much."

"But the world around you is constantly changing - people growing old and dying and times and trends and laws and life never the same and you _never_ change..."

She wasn't helping. "Yes, it's something like that. Are you hungry?"

Obviously Bella didn't get the hint from my change of subject attempt. "How could you be interested in medicine when you have to watch everyone die and not be able to do anything about it. All the while you can never relate to them because you've never felt pain and you'll never die?"

I took a breath and stared directly into Bella's eyes. ""I have died. I have felt the pain of it. You forget that I used to be human. 1901, I was on my death bed with Spanish influenza. Carlisle found me and for three days after he sunk his teeth into my neck I was in more agonizing pain than any human will ever conceive unless they have to experience the transformation. I begged for death until the instant that my heart stopped. I have had more pain than worth spending ninety years without it."

Bells was aghast. No doubt I frightened her with my answer. I couldn't help it. I wished she wouldn't see me as a vampire, though I knew she couldn't help it. It was what I was.

"I-I'm s-sorry," she stuttered. "I didn't know..."

I didn't say anything, but I felt my features softening as I looked at her.

"You don't want to be what you are?" she asked quietly, hesitantly.

"No. I regret everyday I've spent killing to survive."

"Everything has to kill to survive."

I knew she was just trying to help, but I couldn't help myself. "You don't have to drain the life slowly from them, Bella. You don't have to live with the constant urge to kill perfectly content, happy, intelligent _people_ to satisfy the constant thirst."

I stood from the bed and took a breath. "I'm sorry. I know you mean the best. I shouldn't have said anything."

I heard her move on the bed and I was about to turn to see her reaction when I felt her there, I front of me. She wrapped her tiny arms around me and hugged me. I embraced the gesture and returned it. I was lucky to have her on my life.

"I'll try my best to make it as bearable as possible, but I'm afraid it isn't much," she whispered.

"You being here is more than enough."

For the first time, I actually meant it. Friendship was more than enough.

**A/N: Review and Edward will use his talented fingers on _you!_ :)**


	21. Meeting the Family

"Edward?"

I turned to look at her. We were parked outside her house late Monday night. The day had been peaceful and relaxing, but I had regrettably dragged Bella out of bed to take her home. As much as I wanted to keep her there as long as she was willing, I had to return her home for school.

_She had fallen asleep during the movie she selected shortly after our somewhat heated conversation – or heated at least on my side. I had returned myself to the piano in the living room and strummed the keys as a song started forming in my mind._

_The words came to my mind first and the melody followed, but I waited to sing the words aloud until the melody started falling into place._

"_I did my best to notice  
__When the call came down the line  
__Up to the platform of surrender  
__I was brought but I was kind  
__And sometime I get nervous  
__When I see an open door_

_Close your eyes  
__Clear your heart  
__Cut the cord  
_"_Are we human?  
__Or are we dancers?  
__My sign is vital  
__My hands are cold  
__And I'm on my knees  
Looking for the answer  
__Are we human  
Or are we dancers?_

"_Pay my respects to grace and virtue  
__Send my condolences to good  
__Give my regards to soul and romance  
__They always did the best they could  
__So long to devotions  
__You taught me everything I know  
__Wave goodbye  
__Wish me well  
__You've gotta let me go_

"_Are we human?  
__Or are we dancers?  
__My sign is vital  
__My hands are cold  
__And I'm on my knees  
Looking for the answer  
__Are we human?  
__Or are we dancers?_

"_Well you  
__When you dream of home tonight  
__There is no message we receive tonight  
__Let me know is my heart still beating_

"_Are we human?  
__Or are we dancers?  
__My sign is vital  
__My hands are cold  
__And I'm on my knees looking for the answer_

"_You've gotta let me know  
__Are we human?  
__Or are we dancers?  
__My sign is vital  
__My hands are cold  
__And I'm on my knees looking for the answer  
__Are we human?  
__Or are we dancers?_

"_Are we human?  
__Or are we dancers?  
__Are we human?  
__Or are we dancers?"_

_As the completed song drifted to an end for the first time, a movement from the corner of my eye caught my attention. I turned to see Bella standing in the hallway entrance, her hair askew and a blanket clutched to her. She came into the room when my eyes met hers and sat next to me._

"_That was beautiful."_

_I didn't answer. To me, it wasn't beautiful, it was simply my soul and mind._

"_Is that how you feel?"_

"_More of how I felt when my heart stopped three days after I was bitten and the pain ebbed – when I was told what I was. The feelings get unearthed from time to time."_

"_I'm sorry. I didn't mean – "_

"_It's fine. Its better you know."_

_I returned the cover to the piano and wrapped an arm around her, returning to the piano._

"Edward?"

Bella's voice brought me back to the present.

"Do you think I could meet your family? Formally, I mean?"

I frowned at the question, wondering what would cause her to want to meet them. Surely Alice would have planted the idea in her head. "Why do ask?"

She shrugged. "It's just that I see them at school all the time and I feel like we have more in common than we realize… especially since we all have to deal with you," she said with a smile. "I felt nervous asking Alice if she knew when you'd be back since I didn't know her very well, but she was really friendly."

"You confronted her?"

Bella blushed. "Yeah, she said she needed your permission to talk to me."

I didn't know Alice had it in her to listen to me.

"Is it true?"

"Yes, she wanted to take you shopping and I told her to let you have your space."

"Why?"

"Well, Alice is a tad bit of a shop-aholic – "

"No, why did you tell her to leave me alone?"

"Well, I thought one vampire was enough for you have to deal with at one time."

"I don't see you like that and you know it."

"You should."

"I told you I'm not afraid of you."

"And of course you wouldn't be afraid of a house full of them."

"So is that a yes?"

I sighed. "You really should concentrate on your schoolwork."

"Come on, Edward."

"Fine, but not until this weekend, and I have to meet with you at least a day beforehand in order to make a few warnings."

Bella rolled her eyes and put her hand on the door. "You're so overprotective."

"Friday? After school?"

She smiled.

"I'll pick you up there."

A high pitched scream pierced my ears and a familiar thought-voice filtered through the phone.

_Bella's coming to visit! She loves me and you know it! I told you! I told you! I told you!_

"If you don't stop, I'm not going to have an ear and will call the whole thing off."

The scream stopped.

"Bella's coming to see me this weekend." I could almost hear the smile in her voice.

"Yes, I know. I'm the one bringing her over."

"It's going to be great."

"Alice – "

"I'm going to invite her for a girl's night, and we'll stay up all night gossiping and painting our nails…. Oh! And I'll make sure to give her all the sloppy gossip about you."

"She'll never fall for it." I meant what I said. Well, though Bella would probably put up with the grooming in order to hear what Alice had to say about me in my youth.

Alice laughed, obviously knowing differently. "Just you wait, Edward."

Oh, the time was passing far too quickly. The weekend suddenly seemed too close. I had to start planning for an operation abort technique for when I would see Bella on Friday.

"Don't even think about it!"

I sighed. I could never get anything past Alice.

_Damn right_.

"On a less positive note, you have some other matters that you need to explain to me."

"What explaining is there to do, Alice? You knew my intentions and why. You didn't do anything to stop me, so don't give me the third degree."

"Edward, you're so naïve. You do realize that I was ready to barrel down your door until Bella made the tentative decision to come to you – "

"Tell me what brought her there."

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "If she doesn't want you to know then you should know better than to ask me to tell you."

"I can't stand not knowing what brought her to be like that."

"Trust me, Edward. If you don't know already, then you'll never believe me if I told you."

What was that supposed to mean?

"Alice – "

"No! I want to know what strong emotions caused you to plan for your suicide and not a single thought occurred to you to come and seek solace in your family!"

I didn't answer.

Alice sighed loudly. "I know you would rather not _associate_ with us because you feel more human alone, which I will never understand, but don't you think you should come to us before such drastic measures?"

"I was confused. I misinterpreted what I felt. It's all straightened out now."

Alice was quiet.

"Don't worry. It won't happy again."

Something was up. Alice was thinking of how to bake some disgusting human dish.

I was stupid and took the bait instead of prying into the subject of her silence. "Are you planning on cooking for Bella?"

"Well, we need to have some sort of… edible… matter… for her. We can't allow her to starve!"

"How long do you plan that she stays?"

Unfathomable time lengths filtered through Alice's mind. I groaned.

"No, Alice. No food. We'll be a few hours at most. And while we're there, do not broach the topic of Italy."

"Don't worry. No one else knows. Although, Jasper is suspicious with you and is going to focus all his energy on reading you. He believes you to be the reason behind all my recent stress."

"Well, he's right, so I won't discredit him."

"Almost right. I have been trying unnaturally hard on trying to follow Bella. She disappeared from my thoughts for awhile. A few weeks after you left until she made the decision to see you I couldn't see her at all."

This news caught me off-guard.

"So you didn't see what happened to her to that night before she showed up?"

"I don't need to have seen it to know. Think about it, Edward, and don't be too revealing to Bella when you speak to her. I can't wait until Saturday!"

With that, the line went dead.

My sister was up to something. I would find out sooner rather than later what it was.

I wasn't able to dwell on it long, however. Before I knew it, Friday arrived and I was parked at Forks High, a school I never attended and never wanted to. Being in the company of immature teenagers was more than my sophisticated brain could bear. I understood why Bella chose not to hang out with her peers very often.

Just when I thought I couldn't take any more, I spotted her exiting the gymnasium along with the flow of other students. There was a boy next to her who was speaking to her – trying to charm her more like – but I could tell by his frustrated thoughts that she wasn't taking his bate. Her eyes scanned the parking lot and a smile lit up her face as she spotted by Volvo. The boy's thoughts and gaze followed hers and he scowled, wishing her a good weekend and heading off to his own vehicle.

A sense of… happiness? Pride? Self-worth? I couldn't exactly put a word to the emotion ran through me at the realization that I was the one to bring the glistening smile to her face. She quickly made her way to me and unexpectedly threw her arms around me in a hug. I stiffened, taken aback by the gesture, but welcomed the embrace and returned it.

She released me and took a step back, craning her head to look at me. "Hi," she whispered.

"Hey, yourself." I opened the passenger-side door and waited for her to slide in before rounding the car to join her, careful to travel at normal human speed as to not attract attention from the watchful eyes.

"I thought the week was never going to end," Bella muttered, relaxing back into the leather seat as I started the car.

"You look exhausted," I observed.

"No, relieved," she corrected. Seeing my questioning glance, she elaborated. "Relieved to be out of that dump with only the weekend ahead of me."

I chuckled. "You make it sound like you have big plans this weekend."

She turned in her seat to face me. "Are you cancelling on me?"

"I think Alice would kill me if I tried."

Bella laughed. "She does seem eager. She never said a word to me, but she kept smiling and winking at me whenever we crossed paths."

I rolled my eyes. "Yes. After I dropped you off last weekend she called and screamed into my ear for fifteen minutes in excitement."

"After you told her?"

"No. I don't have the luxury of choosing what Alice knows."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not the only one in my family who has… _gifts_."

"You mean, like you're mind-reading?"

"Why don't we carry on this conversation when we arrive at our destination?"

Bella's brows furrowed in frustration and she turned to face forward again. "Where are we going? The coffee shop?"

"I thought we might go some place a little more secluded. We don't need any stray ears falling on the conversation."

Within the minute, I pulled up to the beach I had previously decorated for an intended romantic evening with Bella over a month before. Who knew next time I would return I would have completely different intentions?

I escorted Bella to a picnic blanket where I had a light meal prepared for her. I gestured her to sit and reclined close by.

"This looks wonderful. Did you make it yourself?"

"Tried. I hope it's edible. I didn't exactly have anyone to test on."

"I'm sure it will be great."

"Eat, please," I urged.

She gave me a look.

"You eat. I'll talk."

She eagerly complied, shoving a grape in her mouth.

I sighed and turned to face the ocean. "As you know, after I was turned, I discovered I had certain _abilities_ that are not typical of the vampire or human kind. It is not unusual, but it is unique for such an event to happen.

"It often stems from a part of human personality. For example, Jasper was very in-tuned with people's emotions. Now, he senses them as if they were potent – a smell or a sound – and he is also able to manipulate them by instilling fear or calm over a person depending on the situation."

"That must come in handy," Bella mused, popping another grape in her mouth as she caught my look.

"Alice, on the other hand," I continued, "is a bit of a clairvoyant, you could say. She is able to see what is to come by decisions. When one is torn between two decisions, she'll see the outcome of both, but they will be hazy. As the person chooses one decision over another, it becomes more clear in her mind until it is absolute – all details crisp in her mind."

"She sees _everyone's_ future?"

"More like those who she knows or chooses to watch. If she focuses her energy on one person, she'll see more of them."

"So she's seen my future?"

"Since you came into my life, yes. But she doesn't catch everything. There are times when people drop off her 'radar' or she misses important events because she is distracted by focusing on others.

"Outside of abilities, you need to be aware of Jasper. He is the newest to our lifestyle and is still uneasy around the scent of human blood. He may come off as unfriendly, but it is simply because he is uncomfortable.

"Emmett is the strongest of our clan and will most likely make snide remarks. I will do my best to make sure he minds his manners because he can be quite rude.

"Rosalie… well, she is a bit self-absorbed. Don't be alarmed if you don't see much of her. She's the least happy about my decision to socialize with humans. She thinks you'll betray my trust.

"Esme is my mother. I'm sure you two will get along fine. She'll be very accommodating to everything you need.

"Lastly, my father, Carlisle. I believe you know him from being the head physician at the hospital that I hear you are a popular patient at," I turned to her with a sly smile, which widened when a blush crept across her cheeks.

I sighed and returned my gaze to the shore. "All in all, I guess you have met each of them, besides my mother, already. I suppose I'm more anxious about this meeting than you are."

"Why?"

"They just want what's best for me – want me to be happy. I'm afraid they're going to get a little too excited, like Alice for example."

"Well, I hope they like me."

I stared at her disbelievingly. "If I understand you right, you're more nervous about my family _liking_ you than a house full of vampires finding you appetizing?"

Bella's face turned scarlet. I would never understand this girl.

"If that's your biggest fear, you have nothing to worry about."

We sat in silence, Bella picking at the food in front of her. Before long, she had consumed everything and reclined next to me, closing her eyes and enjoying the glow of the sun as it ventured between the cloud-line and the horizon.

"I should get you back. You probably have plans for this evening."

"I actually do have plans."

I sat up and began gathering the picnic supplies together. I went to get the blanket, but seeing as Bella hadn't moved…

"Bella? I don't want you to be late."

Her laugh rang through the secluded beach. She grabbed my arm and pulled on it. "Sit down, Edward!"

I looked at her, confused, and remained standing.

"My plans are with you, silly. I'm not going anywhere." She paused. "Unless you have somewhere you have to be…"

I sat down heavily with a huff, not enjoying her joke. "Very humorous, Bella."

She giggled and turned to me. "There's actually something I wanted to thank you for."

The quizzical stare returned to my face.

"The CD. I really enjoyed it. Thanks."

A thousand profanities ran through my mind in all the languages I knew. I completely forgot I had sent the CD out as my suicide note before my change of plans. I had never planned on facing her reaction.

"You're welcome," I choked out, trying to remain composed and aloof.

"It was definitely a change from your normal songs. I haven't stopped listening to it."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"I would love to hear you play some of those songs."

There was absolutely no way I'd be able to perform any of those songs for her. Even since my small epiphany, I didn't think I could keep my composure. "You have the CD to listen anytime."

"It's not the same."

"We'll see."

"What about the new song you played just last weekend? Are you going to make another CD?"

"Probably not," I answered truthfully. "I never intended this one to be published, but it seems a spare copy was sent to my publisher."

"So I'll hear it on the radio?"

I studied her face closely before answering. Clearly by her line of questioning and the sincere intrigue on her face she didn't read into the songs any more than an ignorant listener. I wouldn't be forced to have an awkward conversation about a "change of heart." I don't think I could bear it.

"Probably not. They're not good enough to be heard publically. I would need to sell them for them to make the top one hundred list."

"You don't give yourself enough credit," she huffed, leaning back to face the sky instead of me.

"No, you just give me too much."

She ground her teeth together. I knew she wanted to convince me otherwise, but the point was futile and she knew it, so she wisely kept her mouth shut.

Luckily the mood lightened as the sky darkened and I was forced to return her home, promising to see her in a few short hours.

I didn't want to face the family before arriving with Bella, although part of me thought it would be a good idea to put them in order, but I doubted anyone would listen to me, and Emmett would just tease me for being overprotective and obsessive over _the_ human. I didn't want to have to remind him that if Rosalie hadn't been overprotective and obsessed with him then he wouldn't be with us today. However, I wasn't sure if that would be the best of things to say since no one in the family really elected to be part of this lifestyle.

I spent the evening pacing in the woods and finally relented to entering Bella's bedroom window. The time passed slowly as I watched her toss and turn and murmur words like "Cullens," "Edward," and "Alice" in her sleep. There was no doubt that she had the same thing on her mind that I did.

I slipped out before she was awake and made myself scarce while she would wake and go about her normal morning ritual before I reappeared with my Volvo in her driveway. Part of me wanted to hurry and get this over with, while the other part wanted to push it back as far as possibly in order to prevent it from ever happening.

My sister would never let me hear the end of it. I was sure she would approach Bella at school and invite her over to meet the family, and there was no way I was going to not be there when it happened.

Bella soon appeared through the door and took my breath away.

I had never seen her in anything other than jeans and sweaters. Today was not a warm Forks day, or anywhere near it, but Bella chose to wear a skirt. She had mentioned to me once that she only owned one and I must be looking at it.

It was long – below the knee, but no less appealing on her. Her shapely calves were smooth and her feet slipped into ballet flats. As my eyes traveled upward, I took in her green fitted tee that clung to her like a second skin, showing off her curves and appealing bust.

I tore my eyes away and swallowed. I didn't think of Bella that way, I reminded myself. She was my friend… my only friend. I didn't want anything more than that.

"Good morning," she greeted me, her eyes doing their own quick inspection of me. I glanced down to remind myself of my light green mock shirt, khaki pants, and beige leather jacket. When I looked back up, Bella's face was scarlet. I hadn't meant to accuse her of staring.

"You look good," she amended, keeping her eyes carefully away from mine.

I wanted to laugh. It was funny she should say that since I had changed quickly into spare clothes from the trunk of my car ten minutes prior – spraying on some cologne for precaution.

You look ravishing.

No… You look very indecent, Bella. I can't think when you're dressed like that.

Ugh, why wasn't my mind working today?

"You look beautiful, Bella." I hoped she would take it purely platonic.

By her face I think I finally succeeded.

She smiled and looked up to finally meet my eyes. "You're always too good to me," she said as she slipped into the door I held open.

I paused longer than I should have, taken off-guard by her reply, before I moved faster than she could see to take my spot in the driver seat.

"Are you ready?" I asked, the keys poised mid-air by the ignition.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

"You don't have to do this, you know."

"Yes, I do. How else will I get the scoop on you?"

I would have to confront Alice to make sure she hadn't said anything.

"On second thought…" I lowered my hand and leaned back in the seat.

"Don't you dare, Edward. Come on! Are you chickening out on me? By the way you are acting you'd think I was taking you to meet _my _father. You know, the one who owns a gun and is licensed to use it since he's chief of police?"

"Bella, I don't think you understand that the comparison really doesn't work in this case."

She made a face. "Don't change the subject. Drive or I'll walk."

I sighed, tempted to put her words to the test. At the very least I would get a view of the appealing curve of her ass as she walked away from me.

I put the key in the ignition without a second thought. It seemed I couldn't control them these days.

I drove as quickly as I dared with Bella in the car. I was afraid if I went any slower I wouldn't make it there at all.

The white house loomed ahead, unchanged from the years since our clan moved to Forks. I parked without taking care of where in the driveway I stopped, and opened the door for Bella. She looked at me, took a breath, and accepted my hand, allowing me to lead her to the doorway.

The door was thrown open before I could reach the knob. No doubt Alice had used more than just her keen vampire hearing to time it just right.

"Bella!" Alice squealed, throwing her arms out to grab Bella's hand and pull her carefully into the house. "I was beginning to think that Edward would never let you come and meet us all formally."

"He is a bit overprotective," Bella replied, letting her eyes wander around the expanse of the entrance room.

I sent a glare at my sister and stepped over the threshold, softly shutting the door behind me.

"Come. Everyone is waiting." Alice skipped ahead, still hand-in-hand with Bella, toward the dining room.

Bella looked over her shoulder at me and sent a nervous smile my way.

I wasn't sure if that was a 'here it goes' smile or a 'save me smile,' and I stood debating my course of action.

_Don't worry, dear brother. We'll take good care of her._

I quickly found my feet and followed the pair as they disappeared into the other room.

The scene before me was… interesting to say the least. It seemed my family was trying to come off as human and were desperately failing at it. Carlisle sat at the dining room table, an empty plate before him and a newspaper in hand which was lowered as Bella's clumsy feet sounded in the room.

I turned to take in the rest of the scene around me as Carlisle went through the normal pleasantries and small talk, since they had met multiple times before. Esme wore an interesting apron around her waist and was attempting to make what looked like scrambled eggs and toast.

Jasper and Emmett were huddled around the television in the den, competitively fighting in a combat video game. No doubt they would be doing the fighting themselves instead of virtually. I was beginning to wonder where Rosalie was when there was a vibration in my pocket.

I was instantly curious. There were few who had the number to my cell outside of those in the room. I reached into my pocket and noticed Alice's head shoot up as a vision-filled her mind. She quickly shut off her thoughts to me and focused on Bella.

Mac's name showed on the display screen and immediately reminded me that he must have received and listened to my CD as well. I shoved the phone back in my pocket.

"Bella, it's so nice to have one of Edward's friends come visit. Would you like some breakfast?"

Bella shot me a glance. I knew she had already eaten breakfast this morning, but I had no idea how Esme would react if Bella rejected my mother's hard made creation. I nodded just slightly.

"I'd love some, thank you."

_Edward, stop hovering and come play. It's been forever since you've been here_.

I turned to glare at Emmett.

_Nothing's going to happen to her with an extra ten feet of space between the two of you._

I sighed and excused myself from the dining room, explaining that I'd be in the next room.

"Edward!" Emmett cheered as I appeared, clasping me on the shoulder and pulling me down on the couch beside me, all the while, continuing to play one handed. "Long time, no see, man. Where've you been? Hitting that fine human ass, I assume?" He snickered. Jasper sent me a questioning glance, obviously as confused as I was by the emotions running through me.

"Shut it, Em."

"Are you going to play with us or what?" Jasper asked, concentrating harder on the game.

My phone vibrated again. I clenched my teeth and checked the caller ID. Mac. Again.

"Who is it?"

"Nobody," I replied, shoving the phone back into my pocket. I politely refused the additional game controller offered to me and headed back into the kitchen.

Bella's plate was empty and she was smiling, holding a conversation with Esme and Alice as my father continued to pretend to read the newspaper.

… _all these years he's been off on his own path, secluding himself from almost all forms of life and suddenly he shows up with this ordinary girl. This isn't just any girl to him by the way he's hovering and has never mentioned her besides the meeting. There has to be more to this than he's letting on…_

I tore my thoughts away from my father's mind. It wouldn't be long until he figured it out. Perhaps then I could get my own answers from his observations.

I turned my thoughts to my mother.

… _she's everything he needs. I'm so happy he's finally found _someone _to confide in. I hope I can corner him and get some answers about where this is going_…

Esme was very predictable. As long as I was happy, she was happy.

A voice in my head immediately drew my attention and I recognized Alice.

… _got a slight tint of red to her hair, so blood red probably wouldn't be the color to go. Maybe more of a maroon color would work…_

It was not unusual for Alice to be thinking about _grooming_ Bella, but that would not be the main thought in her head in this situation. She had seen Bella countless times and would have already discerned what size she was and what colors would go well with her hair, eyes, and skin. Something else was on Alice's mind that she was trying to hide from me.

I had a feeling that the something had to do with the vision she was trying to hide from me.

Before I could do anything about my suspicion, my phone vibrated again. This time, I growled deep in my throat, knowing who was calling without even having to look.

My mother and sister turned to look at me, my father lowering his paper. Only then in Bella turn and see me in the room. She flashed me a smile which quickly turned to confusion by the obvious distaste on my face.

"Are you going to answer that?" Esme asked me.

"The call is not worth the effort."

"It's obviously important since he's been calling so frequently. At least tell him to give it a rest," Alice shot at me before turning and asking Bella a question.

I shot an apologetic look at Bella. "I'll be just outside if you need me."

"She'll be fine!" Alice said in an exasperated voice, waving me away.

I excused myself and turned away, fishing out the phone and flipping it open.

"Do you not get the point when I refuse to take your – "

"About time, Eddie! I was thinking I was going to be calling all day!"

"Mac – " First he interrupted me and then he calls me Eddie? This bastard was going to lose my business quick if he didn't have something worth listening to.

"That CD you sent was genius! I knew you said you were working on some new work, but I didn't imagine you'd have it completed so quickly."

"You're welcome, Mac. I'm a little busy – "

"I sent it to the big men upstairs and it's some of the best stuff that's been through this recording studio in years – no offense."

"None – " Taken.

"This is the big stuff, man! The stuff that's gonna shoot you up to the top _tens_! They're offering two million for the album and an additional thousand for a new song to be released as a pre-view single."

Every angry thought that went through my mind about I could torture and leave Mac with no memory left my mind. Big stuff?

No, no, no, no, no! I couldn't afford to be put in the spotlight. I had to play it cool as it was in order to pursue my passion. If I had fame thrown into the picture, there's no way I could keep out of the Volturi's watchful eyes. Surely they would think of this as excessive attention and frown on the behavior. It wouldn't take much to deduce suspicion of the public with the attention of a top charted musician.

Mac prattled on about tour dates and radio appearances, but I didn't hear a word.

"No, Mac."

Mac instantly went quiet. "What?"

"I'm not interested. I'd appreciate it if you shredded the recording."

"No – wait. You're not accepting the offer?"

"No, I'm not interested," I repeated.

Mac was speechless. "I – but – the money, Ed. That's three mil!"

"The money doesn't mean anything to me. I think you know by now that I do this for reasons other than the income."

"But – " Mac didn't continue.

"What did you do?"

"I accepted it on your behalf."

**A/N: Sorry for the wait. It's been a busy week! Who's seen the new trailer? It's just a month away until the release (at least here in the States. Sorry to all you that have to wait longer).**

**Please review and let me know how you think Edward should decide! Also, take the poll about the POV in my profile. I've written part in Bella's, but like only being able to hear Edward's take on things. I want to hear your thoughts.**


	22. Music Tour

**A/N: I'm so so so sorry for the delay in posting. Life has caught up with me. Plus, boys take up sooo much time and energy. I swear sometimes I just want to… argh. I just want Edward.**

**Too bad he's fictional. :(**

**It's not very long, but please enjoy. I have part of the next chapter written, so I hope to have it up soon.**

"Did the fact that I've always turned down tours ever occur to you before you decided to open your ridiculous trap?" I seethed. I couldn't control the anger that was flowing through me. A thousand emotions roared with it – fear for one. Mac's mistake would be the death of me and my family. The Volturi would never excuse the publicity that would come from a touring vampire. There was close to zero possibility of appearing normal to pesky journalists and photographers who had nothing better to do with their time than to stalk those with noticeable talents.

"What's the big deal?"

"Mac, if you don't withdraw the deal I will personally see to it that you will never use your ears or mouth again." I threatened.

"I'll lose my job!"

"Make a choice. Mistakes come with consequences."

I hung up the phone, making sure that I could hear the fear of the very real threat I made to the man. I took the moment to compose myself before I started dialing the first airline in my phonebook, booking for a redeye flight to Italy.

Alice appeared beside me while I was placed on hold.

"That's not necessary," she interrupted.

"I'm explaining the situation and making myself available for elimination before they can take the matter into their own hands and punish the rest of you for being involved."

"Edward – "

"Hello, International Airlines, how may I help you? A woman answered from the other end of the line.

"One way ticket to the first flight to Italy for one."

"Just one moment, sir."

I heard her typing on her computer. Alice took the opportunity to speak.

"Go to your recording studio. Go directly to whoever's in charge of this whole show. The Volturi don't have the foresight to know what's going to come yet."

"As soon as they do know, it'll be too late," I replied to Alice.

"Your name, sir?" the woman on the phone asked.

"Edward Cullen."

"You're jumping to the worst conclusion, Edward! Why are you always looking for excuses to turn yourself into the Volturi to off yourself!"

"Are you a frequent flier with us, Mr. Cullen?"

"One moment," I told her, my eyes never leaving Alice. I removed the phone from my ear.

"Is your life that disgraceful to you?"

I didn't answer.

"Maybe if you actually took some chances and got out and enjoyed life a little then you might be happy for once."

"Alice," I growled in warning.

"Look. Bella really enjoys your company and obviously cares for you. Take her with you. Go out and do some normal things kids your age do. Relax a little and forget about all the drama you're caught up in. If the tour thing can't be resolved, go to the record company or go to the Volturi. I won't stop you."

She got up and walked into the house, leaving me out on the porch alone.

I listened to her thoughts as she retreated back to the dining room to sit with Bella.

_Did it ever occur to him that going on tour could actually be good for him? He would actually experience the pleasure people get from his compositions. He would meet some people that are striving to be where he is someday. Hell, he always wanted to feel human and have some self-worth. What better way!_

Her thoughts took a drastic turn as she greeted Bella cheerfully and began discussing the cute boys at school.

"Sir? Are you still there?" a muffled voice from my phone sounded.

"Yes, I'm going to have to call you back. Apologies." I quickly snapped the phone shut.

Was Alice right? Was it worth the risk to try it out for awhile?

"Hi," a quiet voice beside me startled me out of my thoughts. I quickly turned to see Bella smiling weakly at me. I couldn't believe I had been taken off-guard by a clumsy human.

"I didn't mean to startle you," she continued, sitting down next to me of the stoop. "Everyone inside seemed concerned about you…."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to leave you in there alone."

"That's not why I came out here. I_ like _your family. I don't know why you were so nervous."

What should I do? Should I tell her I'm going to Italy? Los Angeles? Tell her the 'good news'?

"Is everything all right?"

"I just received a phone call. I have a decision to make. Maybe you can help me."

"Help _you_?" she asked, turning to face me. "I'm not so sure that I would be much help to someone like you."

Who was I kidding? She didn't know about the Volturi… the consequences of every decision because of 'race.' She wouldn't understand.

I could explain it to her. She'd want to know.

No, Bella was too perceptive. She would put Italy and my most recent postponed trip and wonder why. There's no way I could lie my way out of that mess. What would she think of me if I confessed to loving her but suddenly realizing the error in my interpretation of emotions.

"My most recent composition of songs has gathered a lot of attention. They want me to go on tour to perform live around the country. I'm not sure whether to go or not."

"Edward! That's great news!" Bella's wide smile was captivating. The reasons for me not to accept the news vanished as I stared at her excited face. "I can't believe I know someone so famous! Congratulations! What's the decision? Which songs to play?"

"Not quite. I'm not sure whether to do it or not."

"Why wouldn't you? It'd be such a great experience! You always give your best songs away. You should take this chance to actually get credit for what you play.

"It's never about 'getting credit' for being the mind behind the song. I play because I enjoy it."

"Well, I know that you seem to believe that you've seen it all through the long life you've had so far, and I won't discredit that you've experienced more than I ever will, but all you do anymore is sit in your apartment. You should get out and have some fun, Edward."

"It's a little more complicated than that. In order to remain simply a legend and a secret to society, we have a sort of government just as you do. If I accept this, the publicity it would gather could have consequences."

"What kind of consequences?"

"If paparazzi get any sort of clue than I am… _unnatural_ in any way, I will be terminated immediately… along with everyone else who know I ever existed."

"So… your family…?"

"Yes, and you."

Bella swallowed thickly. "That wouldn't be good."

"No. It wouldn't."

"Couldn't you just… hide your private life from the press?"

I gave her a disbelieving look. "Have you ever seen a tabloid, Bella? Journalists often don't have anything better than pursue a story. Often times they have very little grounds for the things they post about people. There are too many things about me that could cause suspicion. That's why I've never kept my best songs. If I am caught in the slightest glimpse of sunlight, or never caught outside… if I move too quickly or am never seen eating food or drink. All of these and more could be highly detrimental. It's hard enough trying to blend in with the untrained, unsuspecting eyes constantly around me."

"If you always gave away your best songs then how did your publisher get a hold of them with your name?"

"It's complicated."

"I have all weekend."

I sighed. "Bella…"

"You know you can trust me with anything."

"I wasn't planning on continuing my music career after the last few songs."

Bella's brows furrowed in confusion. "I don't understand. Why would you stop playing? It's not like you're burning out or growing old anytime soon. You're still playing your piano…"

My mind was blank on an excuse. Shit.

"Did you have something else in mind?"

I thought of how I could use her reason, but came up with nothing.

"I wrote the songs for you, Bella. I don't know what compelled me to send them to my publisher, but I wanted you to always have them before I left."

"Left?" Her voice cracked and she looked like she might cry. Realization dawned on her shortly after. "Your trip to Italy…"

I nodded, hating her current look on her face the most.

"But you're not going, so now you have your current dilemma."

"Yes."

She was silent for a long while, turning from me to follow my eyes out to the trees bordering my family's house.

"You never did tell me why you were going to Italy. Were you not planning on saying goodbye?"

"I'm waiting until I get an explanation about why you showed up in the middle of the night."

"Touché," she whispered.

"Italy's in the past. I have another trip coming up."

Bella's heart rate sped up and she swallowed, preparing herself. "Where are you going?"

"It seems I am needed in LA for an official CD recording and to sign some papers about a tour."

She was facing me faster than I thought possible for her to move, her eyes and mouth wide. She seemed at a loss for words. "Edward… you're….?"

"I know it's been a long time since I was in school, but if I remember correctly, your school year is almost over."

She nodded, still in shock. "Two more weeks."

"I was thinking, if you didn't have any plans, that you'd like to accompany me. Sort of as a vacation before you head off to college."

Tears brimmed Bella's eyes and I thought I had said something wrong. She laughed slightly causing a few of the tears to fall.

I cupped her cheeks, brushing the tears away with my thumbs. "You don't have to come. I just thought I'd extend the invitation."

She smiled wide. "I'd love to come."

***

I left Bella on her doorstep that night, not resisting giving her a kiss on the forehead as she practically ran inside to tell her father of her new summer plans and to start packing… already.

I wished I could share her excitement. I knew by the thoughts of my family that they were happy for my decision, but each wished to speak to me individually. Everyone seemed happy about my impromptu decision to bring Bella along with me. Everyone, including Alice, had worries about the Volturi and how well I could mask my 'differences.'

I delved into Jasper's thoughts and realized that Rosalie had been off trying to get her hands on a car she had been wanting for years and received a last minute offer. She would introduce herself to Bella at school formally on Monday.

Or so she claimed.

My brothers didn't have a complaint about my going on tour, but Emmett, half-seriously asked if I would change my name so he wouldn't have to live in my shadow.

I called Mac back and removed my threat, but instilled harsh restrictions on the tour that I had discussed greatly with my father and in turn with Alice who loosened up on me since my announcement. She was planning a shopping trip with Bella especially for the trip and would make sure she packed for every occasion.

I doubted that I'd be able to carry the suitcases with everything Alice had in mind. She simply patted my arm and claimed that I needed the workout.

A suitcase mysteriously showed up in my living room a few days later with clothes that I was instructed to wear for my live performances. Two days later, two more suitcases joined them, labeled with Bella's name and strict instructions that I was not supposed to peak.

The tickets booked, the bags packed, and arrangements made with the record company, I left for a long hunting trip and before I knew it, the morning of our departure arrived. I called Bella to notify her that I would be picking her up before dawn, only to hear my sister, Alice, pick up the phone.

"She's all caught up on your plans. Since you're going to be hogging her for the next month, tonight is girl's night."

With that simply statement the line went dead.

I could only begin to imagine what Bella was going through. I would have to apologize in the morning.

**A/N: Edward's going on tour! Reviews get free tickets to his first concert! And maybe a vacation to California just with him if you're lucky!**


	23. LA

**A/N: Thanks for all your great reviews! I've awarded you all with a new chapter quicker than I thought possible. I have a lot to do, but hopefully I'll have a chance to write again this weekend.**

**To answer a few questions / concerns:**

**You'll have to be patient for the answer to what was bothering Bella that night. Since this story is from Edward's POV and Bella isn't an open person, she is not comfortable with opening up and allowing herself to be so vulnerable to her best friend (although she shares almost everything else with her). Eventually, though, she open up completely to Edward, and if at that time it is still unclear of what happened, I will more than happy to answer on a personal basis or in an author's note.**

**For those of you that don't want Edward to become famous, you have to understand that Edward had a certain degree of popularity before his most recent playlist.**

**And now, on with the show!**

* * *

The plane ride was only just bearable. I found myself wondering on multiple occasions why I didn't just drive Bella with me to LA.

Because she hated my driving, I reminded myself and tried to settle down in my seat for the two and a half hour flight.

Bella was blissfully unoccupied, content to take in the experience and watch the scenery pass us far below.

"You seem uncomfortable," she noted about halfway through the flight.

"Restless more than anything."

"Don't like flying?"

"I can run faster than this boat."

She laughed as others glanced over and dismissed it as a sarcastic comment. Leaning close to me, she whispered in my ear. "I think I'd like to see you run four hundred miles per hour while lugging three suitcases and me."

Her smile was bright and captivating as she pulled away. I grumbled and flipped though a magazine.

"Oh, come on, Edward. Lighten up a little bit. We're going on vacation."

"Vacation for you. I have those pesky producers to deal with. While you're lounging on the beach, I'll be trying not to slam my fist through a wall."

"If that's the case, there's no way I'm leaving you alone."

"I'm not going to let you spend your vacation in a boring music studio."

"Edward," Bella started, turning in her seat to face me as much as possible. "You make this sound like pulling teeth. This is the opportunity of a lifetime! You should be enjoying this."

"I'd much rather having a relaxing vacation with you."

"We'll have time to enjoy it," she said confidently before second guessing yourself. "Right? I mean, are you going to be there day and night?"

"I'll make sure that I'm not. You'll be my excuse," I said with a smile, running my fingers through her hair affectionately.

"Don't do that!" Bella scolded, playfully hitting my arm. "I don't want to be the bad guy."

"Oh, but you are, Bella," I teased. "One look at you and the producers will by despising you."

"And why would that be?"

I leaned into her ear. "Women are distractions to men, which means imperfect music. Women are also impatient. One look at you and the producers will know that my heart won't be in the music."

Bella leaned back to look at my face, judging my sincerity of the words. I leaned back in my chair, leaving her to figure it out.

***

"Here's the deal," I said to Mac as I sat in the conference room full of music executives. Bella was sitting in the corner, trying to be inconspicuous. I had insisted that she sit next to me at the table, but after my little joke on the plane she was very paranoid. Little did she know she was stealing the spotlight away from me nonetheless. I wasn't kidding when I said she would be a distraction.

"I'll go on tour, but I won't be playing."

Mac stared at me, his mouth agape. "Wha…. How…. You…. S….t… uh…." He sputtered out parts of words, not being able to form a coherent thought. I didn't really understand his surprise. Last time I spoke to him, he took the threat to heart, but did nothing to act on it. Now here I was, trying to work things out in a way that would be best for everyone and he had his foot in his mouth.

One of the other executives, seated at the opposite head of the table, spoke instead. "How do you propose to do that?"

"Recruit other bands and artists to perform the songs. I'll personally rehearse the songs until they perform to a greater perfection than if I were to play. They will perform and I will be available if any… _emergencies_ come up, as they seem to in situations like this."

"That's impossible. Do you really expect to find bands willing to postpone their own careers to help yours?" another exec argued.

"No, they will be given full recording rights. If the songs are as good as you claim, you'll sell twice the number of CDs – mine and the remake."

"How are you going to go about finding artists willing to follow through with this?"

"I know some people in the business, as I'm sure you all do. Put the word out there; wait a week; we'll judge by the response which course of action to go from there."

"And if no one responds?"

"I'm not performing live. I made that clear after my first recording here."

"The contract was signed last week! You cannot back out of it now! The first performance has been booked for a month from now!"

"I'm not going to apologize for your employee's negligence and irresponsibility. I have agreed to radio performances, and might be willing to do a television or magazine appearance or two, but no more."

"This is ridiculous," a third man in an expensive suit muttered, leaning back in his chair and pushing away from the table.

"Those are my terms. Take it or leave it."

The business men turned to each other, obviously not liking the situation before them.

"We can't cancel the performances now," the fatter one said, seated to the right. "Many of the smaller venues are already sold out. With each recording that is sent out, more and more venues are paying top dollar to be included in the tour. At this rate, it will be twelve months, if not more."

"We cannot lose his business," the older man at the head of the table, argued. "If we do not cater to his wishes, he'll record in the future elsewhere. By looking at the most recent compositions, we cannot afford to do that."

"It's going to cost us nearly a million if we withdraw the tour. We cannot afford to do that!" the fat man argued back.

"It wouldn't be the first time a tour was cancelled. Better that we cancel now than at the last minute," a third one mentioned, looking like he really wasn't sure which side to take.

"However, if we did try to recruit some other artists, we could spread the tour. If we can get some well-known artists to agree, their fan base could increase the per capita and the interest…"

I leaned back in my chair, not really caring about the businessmen and their affairs. This would work out for me either way. It was out of my hands and I didn't care which way it turned.

I turned to Bella who was looking at me slightly surprised. "You're not going to play?" she mouthed at me.

I thought of the best way to explain my decision inconspicuously. I exposed my shiny teeth in a threatening way for an instant and carefully drew a finger across my throat. Luckily, Bella understood my way of explaining that performing would cause the vampire Volturi to execute us if I was to attract unwanted attention.

"Mr. Cullen," the head executive pulled my attention back to the meeting. "One week… to get the word out and receive at least one commitment. In the case that no one replies, the tour will be cancelled. In the mean time, we need some additional recordings while you will be here.

"The songs have all been recorded."

"Some… _adjustments_ need to be made."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, and reluctantly agreed to return tomorrow to comply. Before anyone could say anything more, I stood from my seat and grabbed Bella. "Let's get out of here," I muttered to her, quickly dragging her out into the warm California air.

Bringing Bella with me to California was very good for me. I couldn't believe I didn't think of the idea myself. Not only did it force me to loosen up around her – in the form that her close proximity didn't cause my throat to burn at all and my hormones were settling into the idea that there was no attraction. Having company was unbelievable. With each passing day, I was beginning to relax and forget more and more about the problems I left behind me in Seattle and Forks.

Bella's enthusiasm for everything around her was contagious. If I didn't know better, I would have thought she had never been outside the small town of Forks before. I had been to LA more times than I cared to count, yet I was seeing parts and doing things with Bella that I had never experienced.

However, when night settled and Bella was tucked soundly into the hotel suite's king size bed, there was nothing more for me to do but sit and watch her sleep. She was so peaceful, so… off in her own perfect world. Every night as she muttered random absurdities in her sleep, I envied her. I wanted to join her wherever she was. I wanted to leave this world of reality and slip into the world of dreams.

The week at the record studio was boring and unnecessary. I often sent Bella away with cash to feed herself or find something more entertaining, only to find her sitting behind the glass with the producers with a pair of headphones pressed tightly to her ears.

The recruiting front was going great. Mac spent his every spare moment going through his list of contacts who would be appropriate for a song or a playlist from the new album. The songs were copyrighted and piracy-proofed before being emailed out in order to receive sincere interest or not.

The number of those responded back was outstanding. So much so, that I was actually beginning to believe that the pieces were as good as the executives and Bella claimed. From those who responded, I personally chose who would play what song, and by the end of the week, the entire playlist was filled with separate artists. It would really be an outstanding show. Artists such as Gavin Rossdale, Leona Lewis, The Killers, and other well-known performers had enthusiastically agreed.

I left it to the execs to take care of the rest. There was no way they would cart every band and artist around the country to allow them to play one song. I would focus on my job.

Each accepting artist was scheduled three days with me, allowing me to teach them the music and lyrics – not that the most well-known artists of the time needed teaching from me.

Bella was star struck. At first, she huddled in the corner and simply gaped, but when she was approached during breaks, she slowly let her hair down and was laughing along with them and talking with them as if she never realized who they were. However, every night she would gush to me about how amazing they were and she couldn't believe this and that. It thrilled me that she was having such a great time. She wanted to spend every spare moment at the recording studio, much to my amusement. I had to literally hold her down to get her to eat and drag her whining back to the hotel where she would fall into an exhausted sleep immediately.

It was during one of those nights that I received a call from Alice.

"Edward," Alice whispered.

"Why are you whispering?" I whispered back, standing to go into the foyer where I wouldn't have to worry about waking Bella.

"I didn't want to wake – " she abruptly stopped midsentence.

I rolled my eyes. My sister was so crazy sometimes.

"Anyway, you need to take Bella out. Show her a good time."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Bella's having a great time. What are you talking about?"

"You've been spending so much time at the recording studio. She hardly wants to spend her whole summer vacation cooped up inside with you and your people."

I was baffled. "Are you kidding? I can hardly get her to leave. She would sleep there if I let her."

Alice sighed heavily and muttered something under her breath that I couldn't understand. "You're such a guy. She's not going to tell you that she's not having a good time. She knows that you went there for business and you invited her to go out of charity – "

"Alice – "

"Show her a good time, Edward. Please." The line went dead.

I removed the phone from my ear, staring at the silver devise, wondering what in the world my sister was planning now. I sat down on the ottoman and stared out at the rippling Pacific Ocean from the bay windows. Suddenly, an idea came to me, and I knew just the thing that would satisfy Alice and get Bella out into the beautiful California weather.

***

"Edward, I don't think this is such a good idea," Bella objected yet again as she wobbled on the surfboard she straddled.

"You're the one that wanted to have fun on this trip," I reminded her, paddling to align myself next to her. "I promised Alice I'd get you out of the hotel room."

"I've hardly spent any time in the hotel room! I've come with you everyday to the recording studio."

"All the more reason to do something different."

"I need to sleep, Edward. It's nearly midnight."

"You can sleep all day."

"But I'll miss your playing!"

"You can hear me play any day. How often do you get a chance to walk on water?"

"I hardly call falling off a large, floating piece of plastic walking on water."

"It's all in your attitude, Bell. I'm trying to show you a good time."

"You brought me to California! I'm having a much better time than I would be if you hadn't invited me and I was stuck in rainy Forks."

"Bella, just try again. Lay on your stomach and paddle as a wave comes toward you. When it catches you and you're on the crest, stand up."

"This is all just to get me in the ridiculous swim suit Alice packed, isn't it?"

I laughed, pulling myself up so I was sitting facing her. Bella's wide eyes drifted over my bare , wet chest. "If that was the case, I obviously failed since I can't even tell if you're wearing it."

Bella gasped, her eyes coming up to meet mine. "Are you implying that you think I'm not wearing anything under this?" She pulled on the thick rubber of the wetsuit.

I said nothing. My smile said enough.

Bella huffed, crossing her arms over her chest, causing the board to wobble dangerously under her. I steadied the board in an instant, bringing me closer to her.

She stared at me, startled from both the jostle and my quick reaction. "I'm sorry that the water is too cold for you to enjoy the show, but I'm also not that kind of girl."

"What kind of girl?"

"The kind to forget her suit when having a night on a secluded beach with her boy friend."

Boy friend. I knew what she meant by the words, but something in her eyes flickered when she realized what had come out of her mouth.

The thought of Bella floating with me naked had a strange appeal to me, although I knew that I would never touch her and we'd certainly not be surfing. I wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

"What kind of girl are you then?" I asked quietly, trying to distract myself from the image of naked Bella surfing.

Bella's breath caught. The waves had pushed us close to each other and since saving her from her own unsteadiness, I found that I was leaning very close to her. Close enough, in fact, to be able to feel her breath had she been breathing.

"Breathe, Bella."

She inhaled, her eyes not leaving mine. She leaned closer to me, her eyes slipping closed as she seemed to be inhaling my very essence. I had stopped breathing as well, but for a different reason entirely. The scent of her blood and her flesh was intoxicating me. With her lips so close to mine, I was afraid of doing something I might regret.

"Bella," I rasped, the electricity from her closeness was raging inside me. I swallowed thickly as I reached out to grab her upper arms to steady her if she were to fall again.

The electricity increased ten-fold with the contact – even through the thick rubber of the wetsuit. Bella jolted and her eyes flew open. By the look in her eyes, I knew she felt it too.

She was so close to me and all I had to do was pull her in just a fraction of an inch closer and my lips would hungrily cover hers. My body roared with a million emotions – the need to have her in my arms again, to fulfill my fantasies, to make her mine. My mind said only one thing…

No.

That one word overpowered. With that one word all the memories and the fantasies froze on one scene: the look on Bella's face when she woke beside me in bed and realized what had happened.

She didn't want me that way. I didn't want her that way.

I righted her on the board, keeping my hands on her until I was sure he was steady.

"Maybe having you on an unstable surface isn't such a good idea after all."

She nodded, her eyes still wide and trained on me. "Yes, I need something hard beneath me."

With that comment, she snapped out of her trance and blushed blood red. Her eyes traveled down my body to a certain piece of my anatomy before she toppled off the board beneath her.

The implication of what Bella said was not lost to me, but I found myself in a state of shock. I never imagined hearing those words out of Bella's mouth, which is why when she suddenly disappeared that it took me so long to react.

I dove under the surface and pulled her sputtering up for air.

"Can we go now?" she asked when she regained her voice again. Her eyes refused to meet mind. "I've had enough salt water for one night."


	24. Save The Last Dance For Me

**A/N: So, I can't apologize enough for this overly overdue installment. I have quite a list of excuses, many of which I explained for those of you who read _Stay With Me_ now know, but I won't bother you with the craziness of my life. This chapter didn't come out quite the way I planned, but maybe when I get the recent events completely out of my system I'll come back and rework it to the way I envisioned it. For now, I feel guilty leaving you all with no updates in almost two months, so here it is, the longest chapter yet. Happy holidays.**

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Bella had been distant from me for the remainder of the trip and I felt a need to make up for the surfing lesson gone wrong before she left for the remainder of the summer. This was especially necessary since she would soon be off to Washington State University and I most likely would not make it back for the college party my parents were throwing her with my tour scheduled to start in early August.

Of course, Alice had planned for just the occasion, and with no effort on my parth, I was contacted to notify me that Bella and I were invited to a kick-off tour event. It had taken me longer than usual to realize my sly sister was behind it.

After dropping Bella off at a nearby beauty salon, much to her dislike and only agreeing after a private conversation with said sister, I headed back to the hotel to slip into my tux and arranged a limo for pick up.

I tapped my fingers against the limousine door restlessly as I waited for Bella, resisting the urge to run my hands through my finally tamed hair.

The door opposite me suddenly clicked open and I saw a pair of bare, shapely legs in black stilettos standing on the pavement outside.

Surely those legs couldn't belong to _my_ Bella...

The legs slipped in, first revealing to me a black, knee-length skirt before the body appeared next to me on the leather bench.

I barely recognized the stunning woman next to me.

Bella's transformation was incredible. Her make-up accentuated her beautiful face in ways I could not describe. Her hair was done up in a curly fashion and her dark eyes met mine under shadowy lids.

I couldn't help but allow my eyes to drift down to take in the rest of her.

The dress was dark and clung to her curves, allowing me a more than ample view of her luscious breasts and breathtaking body.

I suddenly had to urge to run my fingers over the flawless skin of her exposed collarbone and down her beautiful arms.

What was I thinking? Hadn't I just gotten over my lust for her?

Who could blame me? She looked positively edible.

"Bella," I croaked, feeling a need to say something as my eyes met hers again.

The look in her eye reminded me of what was going through my mind as she let her eyes wander over my formal attire. Hearing her name caused her eyes to quickly snap back to mine.

I leaned in and pressed a kiss to her cheek without even thinking. "You look beautiful," I whispered in her ear.

Her body shuttered and immediately her muscles tensed. She swallowed before answering.

"Thank you. You don't look so bad yourself." Her hand followed as her eyes drifted up to my hair. "You actually managed to tame this mess. I didn't know it was possible," she joked as she ran her fingers gently through the front, putting the few stray strands back into place.

I chuckled lowly at her comment as the limo started forward to our destination.

"You better not expect me to dance at this thing," Bella finally murmured, breaking the silence between us.

I smiled, "Why would anyone expect you to dance at a ball."

She huffed and angled her body further away from me.

"Bella..." I reached to her, my fingers grazing the bare skin of her shoulder. She only shivered in response.

"I can't dance, Edward," she finally bit out. "Promise me you won't make me."

I frowned, "Bella, I would never make you do anything. I will turn this car around right now if you wish it."

The reflection of her beautiful face in the window contorted into a scowl. "Alice would kill me."

"I can take care of Alice."

"This is my last night with you, Edward. I want to do something with you. I just didn't expect this."

"We can do whatever you want - whatever your heart desires."

She turned her face to me, her eyes searching for something in mine. She knew better than to think I was lying, and I couldn't think of what she was expecting. Whatever it was, she didn't find find it and turned back to the window with a sigh.

"You're the guest of honor. It would be wrong of me to steal you away."

I shook my head. This woman was absolutely unnerving me with her selflessness!

"Steal me away," I countered. "They'll have the rest of the year to have their fill of me."

"We'll go. Besides, I would hate to waste all of Alice's hard work on all this," she gestured at herself, "to be for nothing."

I leaned close to her, whispering quietly in her. "It wouldn't be wasted. You look stunning."

Her breath caught and her heart stuttered as it started to race. She swallowed heavily and when she spoke her voice was low and slightly husky.

"You really need to stop doing that."

"Doing what?" I asked, not moving myself away from her, discreetly inhaling the sweet scent of her throat. She still smelled like Bella - no artificial perfumes. I smiled and brushed my nose against the skin just below her jaw, breathing in the delicious bouquet as her heart thudded dangerously fast.

"Dazzling me," she breathed, tilting her head back to grant me better access.

The car was filled in silence as I continued my selfish exploration, amused by Bella's heavy breathing and quick pulse. I could tell the beautiful blush colored her face by the abnormal heat of the skin I so barely touched.

"What are you doing to me?"

"Enjoying the temptation. Perhaps now I could tempt you now not to go to this shenanigan of Alice's?" The closer I was to her, the more I wanted her all to myself.

"Anything, Edward - "

Her words were cut off abruptly when the car slowly pulled to a stop and a door was audibly opened.

"Last chance, Love."

The driver circled the car to the curbside door - Bella's side. I held my breath for her answer, positive she would turn, clinging to me at any moment and beg me to take her away from this dreadful place.

I would not hesitate to comply.

The door suddenly opened and I've never seen Bella flee so quickly. She was out the door before I could grab her and try harder to convince her to stay. She even managed to stay on her feet, giving me no excuse to touch her.

I slipped from the limo and slipped the driver a bill searching for where Bella disappeared to.

Immediately, I regretted giving her the opportunity to escape my grasps. Thought of the other men on the street filled my mind and perverted thoughts of Bella doing unspeakable acts played before me in wet dreams. I growled at the man, but he was oblivious to my existence, entirely focused on Bella.

Bella was too stunning for words. I thought I had seen all sides to the young woman before me, but this was nothing I'd ever expect. Of course, she was beautiful without all the up-do; she had rendered me speechless in jeans for god's sake. No... But now was a different story completely. Everyone now saw what I saw in her, and their thoughts were not only brining out a very violent jealousy and territorial side of me, but the thoughts were making me want to whisk Bella back to the hotel room and relive...

I was beside Bella in an instant, offering her my arm. I had to get off that sidewalk.

She accepted and I quickly escorted her into the building.

I don't know what I expected to miraculously happen when we stepped inside the expensive conference center. Maybe that the thoughts of upper class acquaintances would be better behaved and more withdrawn than the unhindered thoughts of those on the streets of LA. Maybe that having Bella on my arm and claimed as mine would settle my unnatural feelings of jealousy. Whatever the case being, when Bella entered in all her glory with me on her arm, I was mysteriously forgotten, something that had never happened to me before. For once, I didn't attract all the attention in the room.

The room was filled with speechless thoughts for the first moment until she was recognized and all hell broke loose. Bella was completely oblivious to it all. She smiled politely and shyly and greeted those who approached us. I knew right then that I, being the supposive guest of honor, would be forgotten for the remainder for the night and Bella would take the spotlight - whether she was aware of it or not.

"Edward," a man's voice greeted me. I turned to Gavin Rosswell, a talented, well-spoken man who agreed to sing one of my personal favorites on the record, Love Remains the Same.

"Gavin," I greeted, trying to appear posed and relaxed. Bella to my right was busy with the crowd of men that was suddenly lined up before her.

"You seem a bit uptight," he noted.

"Do I?" I asked, trying to appear oblivious.

"I would be as well, if I were so fortunate to have someone so beautiful committed to me."

I gritted my teeth. "That's the problem, she's not."

Surprise filled his face before he desperately tried to hide it. His thoughts betrayed him, however.

How could they not be more? The way they look at each other.... The way ARE around each other. How could I be wrong? All those songs I know he composed for her. Do they not see the way they feel about each other? If anything, I would think Edward to be oblivious to Bella's feelings, but feelings or not, how can he resist her looking like that. If something doesn't happen tonight, then I fear for their happiness.

This was going to be a long night

"I apologize," Gavin spoke quickly. "That being the case, I would not have allowed her out the door looking like that."

"My thoughts exactly."

Hearing every thought in the room regarding it wasn't helping either.

"Good luck with that," Gavin said with a grin as he moved on to greet someone else.

I turned to blindly greet the man currently occupying Bella's attention and was made aware of the unnaturally hard way in which Bella gripped my arm. My eyes met hers, brilliant, brown, and pleading. I wondered how long it would take for her to realize the attention she attracted. Knowing she wanted anything but, I quickly excused us and escorted her through the entrance hall into the main conference room to our table.

She was literally shaking on my arm from the onslaught. My teeth gritted together now in a furry and I concentrated extra hard as I suppressed my fury so as not to subject some innocent object - or Bella - from accidently bearing the wrath of my unknown strength.

I was going to kill Alice, slowly and painfully I would make her pay for the absolute agony she was putting us through right now.

"Edward." Bella's quite voice pulled me out of my thoughts. I turned to her, her worried expression confusing me. I opened my mouth to speak, but was quickly silenced by her hand gently reaching to caress my face, brushing gently over the worry lines between my eyes and the hard press of my lips.

"What is it?" she asked sincerely, all thought of the ogling men she left behind her and her breathlessness in the limousine forgotten.

"Nothing," I answered with a smile as I pulled out her chair for her at the table, now able to control my movements.

"Edward," she chastised, not believing me.

I don't like having to share you, didn't seem an appropriate answer, but that one statement would sum up everything I was feeling at that moment. I felt a need to love and protect her like I had never felt before. She trusted me to do so, and when she looked like she did right now, it made the job that muhc more difficult. It was more difficult not only to keep the swarms of men away from her, but more importantly, she made it harder for me to repress the lust and budding love I had for her.

She trusted me. She allowed me to get close to her even after what I did to her. She trusted me not to do it to her again. I wouldn't... no I couldn't be without her. I couldn't live with myself if I did something like that to her.

She looked at me expectantly and I was reminded that I still had not answered her question. "Don't worry yourself. The thought of our friends just upset me a little, that's all."

"What is it?" she asked quickly.

I smiled, this one genuine, and leaned down to place a chaste kiss on her forehead, pushing her lightly into her chair.

Dinner passed as a blur, Bella sat uncannily close to me, no doubt wary of what worried me and not a fan of all the attention she was receiving. All through dinner, her hand clutched either mine, or - if it was otherwise occupied - my right thigh. The constant touch didn't bother me, on the contrary, the electricity that flowed through the simple contact made it hard for me not to further the contact, hard for me not to act on all the things everyone in the room was conspiring. The fact that at one point her hand inched unknowingly higher on my thigh with each glass of Champaign made the repression even harder... literally.

Dinner finished and I uncomfortably sat with our company, waiting for the opportune moment to excuse Bella and I not only to escape, but to rid the heavy, sloshing of the food from my stomach.

However, Bella had reached a comfortable buzz from the numerous glasses of alcohol she had downed during dinner. I was glad to see her relaxed and back to her cheerful self, but I worried of her current state of obliviousness.

The conversation reached a lull and I stood, thanking everyone for their company and announcing our departure.

"Nonsense, Edward," Jonathan Rhys Meyers, objected. "The night is young. Besides, I have not had a dance with the beautiful lady."

He stood and circled the table, offering his hand to Bella. "May I have this dance, please?" he asked.

"We really should be going. I promised to have Bella back early to prepare her for her trip tomorrow."

He smiled, despite my words, not taking his eyes from Bella."He just wants you all to himself. What do you say, Bella? One dance wouldn't do any harm, and it's your last night to have fun before returning to life as usual."

No doubt his smooth words and the fact that Bella was still star-struck by him and many of the others in the room, caused her to completely forget the fact that she hated dancing and led her to cave. She accepted his hand and stood, turning to me. "One dance, Edward."

I watched her go, surprised that she managed to retain her balance for the most part. Her clumsiness mixed with the intoxication couldn't be a healthy mixture.

Jonathan's thoughts were pure and friendly. He made small talk and wished her well for her college years. His thoughts told me that he was well aware of his boundaries and felt my eyes on his back. There was no way he wanted to comprehend what would happen to him if he overstepped them.

I spread open my listening once more, becoming aware that I was giving off the appropriate vibe and that I could relax that the meager men were in enough fear of me to keep their hands in the appropriate places.

The line then formed. One dance turned into two and two into a line of every man in the place.

I was left alone at the table, as one by one the other patrons made their way out to the dance floor. Few women came to ask me for a dance, the majority heading the survival instinct to not allow themselves that close to me. I watched from my place as acquaintance after acquaintance twirled Bella around the dance floor, bringing out the beautiful smile on her face and her laughter to ring through the hall. Each one, however, hobbled away after each song, their toes sure to be black and blue in the morning.

I longed to be the one to have the pleasure of her in my arms, to make her smile and laugh and have the time of her life. Those fools thought they knew how to dance, but what could they really learn in their mear thirty or so years of existence?

I stood from my seat smoothly and made my way to the dance floor smoothly as Bella's current dance partner escorted her from the floor to her next awaiting patron. Without hesitation, I cut in and met Bella, catching her as she stumbled in her fancy, strappy shoes.

"Dance all you like, but remember who's taking you home. Save the last dance for me," I murmured in her ear, handing her off to the grumbling man behind me and sliding out the exit to the men's room.

After emptying the contents of my stomach, I felt much lighter and patient. I would wait for Bella's fans to dissipate. She would be mine again at the end of the night.

A couple passed me, the two stealing heated kisses as they quickly made their way to the door and haled a taxi. The face of the woman quickly flashed to Bella and I imagined her being whisked away by one of the men to have a night of fun before having to return home to a life with rules and without the fictionality of a summer vacation with a vampire.

Why would she want to return home with me anyway? What could I give her that any of the talented men here couldn't?

Everything I could think of listed against her favor.

Was it so bad that I was selfish? That I wanted her all to myself? The choice was up to her - she was free to leave with whoever she wanted... free to be with whoever she wanted.

I sat heavily on the bench in the foyer. There was no way she would want to be with me.

I watched as people slowly filtered out of the room, but I knew the party was no where near over. These were not the type of people to return home as soon as the moon hit it's high.

I wasn't there long, when a presence loomed in front of me. I looked up to see Bella staring at me with dark eyes.

"I was looking for you," she confessed. "I thought you had left me here."

"Never."

"I know. I can sense when you're near."

I stared at her, wondering if she was still too drunk to be able to speak any sense, and opened my mouth to ask what she meant when she held out a hand to me.

"I'm ready for that dance."

I took her hand and stood languidly, suddenly towering over her. "You've finished with your fans?"

"I've found something more important to attend to."

"I will wait all evening, Bella."

She pulled me closer and I willingly complied. Her hand tightened in mine as the all too familiar electricity buzzed and she reached up to brush my unruly hair back.

"I don't want to wait any longer for you."

I didn't keep her waiting any longer, pulling back to the conference room and to the dance floor.

"I'm glad I at least don't have to worry about hurting your feet," she giggled as I took her waist and pulled her toward me.

I smiled. "You won't even touch my feet."

She looked up at me with a smirk and reached a pointed toe out to mine, pressing down on the toe of my shoe gently.

Before she could comprehend what I was doing, I whisked her up and swirled her around the dance floor. She squealed and clung to me as the music picked up and I twirled her around.

"You think you're very funny, Bella, but I am always one step ahead of you."

"No kidding."

"Relax."

"How can I relax? You're going to kill me!"

"It's all in the leading. I would never let anything happen to you."

She loosened her death grip on my hand and shoulder and her feet flowed with mine. It wasn't long until she leaned her head against my chest, allowing me full control of our movements.

"Where did you learn to dance so well?"

"My mother," I answered. "She insisted I learn at a young age."

"You've probably had plenty of practice since then."

"Contrary. I haven't danced in nearly five decades."

She pulled away to glance up at me. "I would have never guessed."

"Like they say about riding a bike. Regardless, you're not as bad as you implied."

"I'm not doing anything. Besides, I'm not good at anything when you're around."

"What do you mean by that?"

She leaned back against my chest. "You're good at everything."

I laughed and placed a chaste kiss on her head, ending the conversation to enjoy the rare experience of sweeping Bella off her feet. Time slowed as we danced. I no longer concentrated on the waltz - it came second nature to me at this point of my life - but instead on the feel of the woman in my arms. It was wrong of me, I knew it, but I couldn't help it. The human side of me had been so overpowering the past few hours that I allowed myself to continue to feel human. One dance, as long as it may last, wouldn't do any harm. Bella was enjoying herself. I was enjoying myself. Nothing more was to be said.

Besides, it was my last evening with her before I would have to let her go in the morning. It would be months if not longer until I would see her again.

The thought caused me to shudder, which I easily masked by tightening my arms around her. Being away from her for even a work week seemed unbearable as of late and I could not imagine what I would go through in the coming months. It was necessary. I was no good for her. She needed this as hard as it may be for me.

It wasn't until Bella's feet began to fumble that I realized how late it had become. Many of the guests had long gone and only a few other couples remained on the dance floor or chatting nearby. I smoothly led us to a stop, causing Bella's sleepy eyes to look up at me.

"I should return you for the night to get some rest before your trip in the morning," I whispered, unable to take my eyes from her unusually dark eyes.

"I don't want to leave yet," she replied, meeting my stare.

"You're asleep on your feet, Bella," I countered.

"I can sleep on the plane. I'm not ready to leave you yet."

Her words touched me deeper than I could have expected or explained. She WANTED to be here... with me.

"Let's return to the room then. If you still feel the same, we'll do something."

She smiled. "That sounds good. I want to get out of this contraption, "She admitted, referring to her dress and shoes I could only imagine.

With her arm still in mine, I escorted her from the building and to our waiting limo without a word, the smile never leaving my face.

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**Reviews get you a private dance with Edward in a tux, a limo ride, and a private evening in the hotel suite! :)**


	25. Moving On

**A/N: Happy New Year! Yay for a new installment. I just wanted to thank you all for staying with me through my long delay and thank you for helping me reach over 200 reviews! You're dedication is helping me move onwards to try to get the few remaining chapters written and out published to you! **

**Please don't hurt me for what is about to happen in this chapter. A lot of time is covered in these 3600 words and I think Edward's reasons are fully explained.**

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The silence was unbearable. The humming of the air unit in the bedroom was the only sound that my sensitive ears could pick up from inside the lonely hotel room. A vital element was missing, and I hadn't realized how vital it was until it was not there any longer.

Bella's deep sleep… her tossing, heartbeat, breathing, and of course her talking. It was all gone and it only left me feeling more miserable.

The option left to me was to bury myself in my work, but I couldn't keep my mind from straying back to her when work could no longer occupy me.

Now was one of those times.

It was night. I should be making use of the free time, I knew. I could go hunting, but although I was thirsty, I was not in the mood. I could finish the small tasks I promised in the following day, but I was expected to be asleep… and I still had hours to complete them.

"_What do you do during the nights?" _Bella had asked me upon returning back to the hotel after the formal. _"What do you while I sleep?"_

I had been entirely truthful to her, much to her embarrassment, but I loved the way her cheeks colored.

"_I watch you sleep," _I had muttered, stopping what I was doing to gently trace over her hairline. _"Though, I wish I could see your dreams. You sometimes don't verbalize nearly enough."_

A look of horror had appeared on her face. _"What do I say?"_

"_Nothing to get worked up about. I like it when you say my name."_

I hadn't thought it was possible for her face to turn any redder. Apparently, Bella proved me wrong yet again.

I had wanted to say more. I wanted to tell her that if I could dream, it would be about her, because she was always on my mind. I wanted to ask her what was going through her mind when she whispered or mumbled my name. I wanted to ask her what she was thinking at that moment.

I wisely kept my desires to myself. The night was about her, not me.

"Bella," I whispered into the night, wondering what she was doing now. Unpacking from the trip and repacking for school? Visiting Alice or her human friends? I fisted my small silver phone in my hand gently. I longed to hear her voice – wanted to know that she had arrived safely and was missing me already.

….What?

I didn't want her to miss me, did I? I wanted her to be happy, and missing me would surely not be the correct emotion to satisfy. If she wanted to be here, she would be here. I would have made sure of that. But she wanted to go to school, to go to college to be with humans her own age, who shared her interests.

Another memory flashed through my mind.

"_I'll miss you," she mumbled, her arms thrown around my neck and her face pressed into my shoulder._

_The airport was loud with announcements and chatter – both thought and spoken, but for once I didn't hear any of it. I was too concentrated on Bella and how to say goodbye. I had set her bags down for her and she had unexpectantly thrown her arms around me. I tentatively returned the gesture, pulling her closer to me and burying my nose in her hair. The past few weeks had made me remarkably immune to her. I could not avoid her tempting scent, but I no longer felt any urge to take her life or… take her otherwise. I loved Bella. She was my best friend. She was everything to me. But she wasn't my lover._

_I didn't know how long it would be until I saw her again and the thought frightened me like no other. She was so fragile… so accident prone… and here I was, willingly letting her out of my protection to venture out into a world she was unaware of and alone. What if something happened that I wasn't able to protect her from? What if because of such an event I never saw her again?_

_I hugged her tighter to me for a short moment before pulling away to study her. I wanted to remember her as she was here, now. She would never be the same with her ever changing body. With the unknown length of time separating us, I did not know what condition she would be in the next time I would see her._

"_Have fun at school. Be safe." Call me. Email me. I want to know everything about your day. I will be there in an instant if you need me. I'm only a phone call away. Always._

_There was so many words unsaid, and they were best that way. She needed to get out and be human. I might not be, but she was better off._

_I leaned forward and placed a lingering kiss on her forehead as I mentally checked the time. I let her procrastinate too long. She needed to go now in order to make her flight. I pushed her away gently, unable to form the words._

_She clung to my forearms. "Say the word and I'll stay."_

_I hadn't expected that from her, but I wasn't surprised. I sighed. "You need to go to school, Bella. It's what you want."_

"_I know, but school doesn't start for another month and a half. I could stay. Help you fight off those pesky music producers." She attempted to smile._

"_I will manage to fight them off on my own. You need to focus on you. Your father wants to enjoy some of you before you take off, and I know Alice has plans."_

"_They can wait another week."_

"_Aren't you planning on stopping in Florida to visit your mother before the semester?"_

_Tears brimmed in her eyes._

"_Bella?"_

"_You're making excuses for me. Why don't you want me to stay?"_

_I couldn't keep the shock from slipping to my face. I grasped her shoulders roughly and immediately loosened my grip. "That's not what I'm saying and you know it, Isabella. You've been in my fantasy world for too long now. You need to go back to focusing on you."_

"_I've only been here for a month. It's not long at all."_

"_You've been in my world for longer than that and you know it. You need to go back to a world without vampires and musicians and back to a world that makes sense to you."_

"_Your world does make sense to me."_

_I released my grip on her arms and let my hands fall awkwardly down to my sides. "That's not the point, Bella."_

"_What is the point?"_

_She was going to cry. The tears were on the verge of falling. I was making her cry._

_I sighed. "The point is, you're going to miss your flight. I had a wonderful time and I'm so glad you decided to come with me."_

_I don't know what it was that I said, perhaps what I didn't say, but Bella stopped fighting the tears and they proceeded to pour down her face. Without a word, she picked up her bags._

"_Goodbye, Edward," she replied curtly, and moved toward the security gate as fast as her little clumsy legs could._

_I felt as though my joints were made of the same unbreakable concrete of the rest of my body. I was rooted on the spot, watching her walk away from me. That wasn't how I planned our goodbye._

_Bella looked so hurt, as if my words had stabbed her._

_I couldn't let her leave like this._

_I found my muscles and ran forwardly as casually as possible, pushing past the other patrons in line and against the objections of the security guard. I reached her and swept her up in my arms._

"_You're the most important thing in the world to me, Bella. Don't be upset with me, please. This is harder for me than you imagine," I whispered in her ear, clutching her to me._

"_I thought you couldn't read my mind," she sobbed back._

_I reluctantly set her on her feet. "You have to go to school, Bella."_

"_I know."_

"_Our paths crossed for a short time, and for that I'm eternally grateful, but now we have to go our separate ways."_

"_When will I see you again?"_

_I didn't answer right away, but when I did, I made sure my voice was composed. "I don't know, Bella. When fate wants us to be together again."_

_More tears brimmed in her eyes and she looked like she wanted to say something, but she never formed the words._

"_I'm always just a phone call away." I slipped a piece of paper into her coat pocket without her noticing, hoping she would find it later._

_She nodded, biting her lip._

"_Goodbye, Bella."_

"_Goodbye, Edward."_

If I had been able to produce tears, I would have cried then and now as I remember her disappearing through security. Without her, I felt drastically empty. I had no reason to get me through the day… the week… They say it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. My life before Bella had been empty, but my life now was bleak and dark.

It had been six months since she left me to go to school. My highlights would come when I received the occasional email or the rarer phone call.

Tomorrow was my last day in LA. The tour was due to begin in a week and tickets were already sold out for most of the cities. I wasn't needed any longer. My work was done. I was being shooed off with orders of composing more.

I wouldn't be composing any more.

My muse was gone. My desire to play was gone. I only had a few more decades at most to live out until I would make arrangements once again to visit Italy – or ask my family for the most difficult favor.

I was staying alive for Bella, and even that was spreading my past my limitations.

Simply thinking about it sent pains through my dead heart. I turned to the only thing I trusted anymore – alcohol.

I knew the vile drink was an unwise choice for even my dead body, but my very alive brain couldn't seem to function without it. It was the only thing I knew to escape the memories, the pain, the loneliness. I drank – gallons per day flowed down my throat and gallons each day were purged back out. It was the only routine I knew and once this goddamn music shit was over, I knew that my habit would only increase.

What I would do when I returned to Washington, I had no idea, but I could only hope for a better distraction.

…

The distraction wasn't long in coming. I had been home in my empty apartment for nearly three months a feminine hand knocked on my door.

"Tanya, what a pleasant surprise," I greeted the woman on my doorstep. It seemed decades since I had last laid eyes on my old friend. Time had certainly not changed her.

_He hasn't changed at all. Oh, that hair. I want to run my hands through those locks. Finally, I have a chance to be alone with him. He's obviously missed me all these years. I have the perfect cure to the loneliness._

"My sisters and I were visiting your family, and I was disappointed not to see you there."

_But all my disappointments are gone now that my eyes are on you. Why did I wait so long to see him again?_

"I'm treading my own path now. Would you like to come in?"

She smiled and stepped into the house, purposely brushing closely against me in order to fit through the doorway.

"What a cozy abode you have found," she commented, looking around. Her hand brushed lightly along the white wood of my baby grand. "I have all of your albums. Your skills are impeccable."

"Perfection is merely a goal – "

Her smile brightened. "Always humble, as well." She neared me. "Tell me what you've been doing here in this small apartment all by yourself, Edward."

_Tell me how I can help your loneliness._

"Composing," I answered simply. "It's my full time occupation now."

"You're songs are all so sad and emotional. It must be hard being so far from your family. All alone." She ran a finger down the center of my chest.

"I chose to leave. I'm content here."

"I've been saving myself for you," she whispered leaning into my lips so her breath lingered with mine.

"Tanya – "

I'm not interested. I never have been. These were the words I meant to say, but Tanya misinterpreted the words to thinking that I wanted her to stop her teasing and I was interrupted midsentence. Her lips meant mine hungrily, moving perfectly against mine.

I didn't want to insult her. I knew as soon as she moved away I would have a chance to explain that I wasn't interested in relationship – not now, not ever. So instead I responded, which in turn only increased her movements. Her thoughts were filled with ecstasy.

_He loves me. I knew it all these years. They called me a fool for constantly waiting and advancing on him. I always knew he loved me._

Her arms wrapped around my neck and her fingers buried themselves in my hair at the nape of my neck. Without thinking, I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her roughly closer to me. Her thoughts turned me on. She wanted _me_. She loved _me_.

She was right. I was lonely. I was horny. I wanted company, companionship. Fuck, I'd spent the last ninety-five years watching everyone around me find happiness. I wanted that happiness. If this was the way I was going to find it, then I would take it.

My only source of company was gone since Bella left for New York. Emails and the occasional phone call weren't enough. I craved physical camaraderie. I missed the electricity that sparked in me when I was near her, the smell of her hair and blood, the way my body involuntarily reacted to her…

I didn't love Tanya, but I could. I would grow to see her in the same light as she would see me. The electricity wasn't there, but it would come. I didn't crave her smell or her taste, but I would.

With that, I pulled away and stared into her eyes, seeing for myself the emotions playing behind them.

"Take me to your bedroom, Edward," she purred in my ear, nipping at my ear.

I grabbed her and took off for the bedroom. This would not be gentle lovemaking. This would be aggressive, hard, and fast. I couldn't wait.

***

For the remainder of the week, Tanya refused to leave my side and she refused any offer to leave our seclusion in my bedroom. In fact, she rarely let me out of bed. I loved her enthusiasm, but I needed a break.

We had done every position I could think of, and to my enjoyment, the harder and faster the pace, the more she enjoyed it. However, the feelings that I knew would come were slow to come forth. I needed some time away from her, time to miss her. She wasn't allowing that.

Nor had I had a chance to check my email or phone for messages from Bella. I found my mind drifting to her during times when my mind should never be thinking of her.

Nonetheless, I was more occupied than I had been in nearly a year, since I went to California with Bella. For the first time in nearly a century, I didn't spend my evenings getting drunk or staring out the window, lost in thought. If this wasn't happiness, I didn't know what was.

"I love that you can read my mind," Tanya was going on beside me, tracing my chest idly with her perfectly manicured finger. "The way you move in me and touch me, there's simply no mirroring it."

"Tanya," I interrupted her mindless chatter. Her movement stopped and she adjusted to be able to look up at me.

I grabbed her hand and stared into her eyes. "Do you want to get married?"

***

The darkness in the room engulfed me as my fingers gently brushed along the glass of my wine flute in my hands. Inside the room the dark seemed impenetrable, but my eyes were focused beyond my current state. I stared out the window into the stormy sky.

The loneliness was upon me once more. This time, however, I felt haunted. Wonderings of what Bella was doing now constantly filtered through my head. How was college treating her? Was she a party girl? Or did she keep to herself in her room? No matter how well I knew her, I felt like she could always catch me off-guard.

Why was I thinking of Bella? I chastised myself. Bella was my best friend. I cared about her, but I shouldn't be as concerned about her as I always seemed to be. She was just so… fragile. The thoughts of everything that could happen to her away at college with ignorant humans… I trusted her to make good decisions. I didn't trust others to make good decisions around her.

A thought crossed my mind to go visit her. I could be across the country by morning. The thought was immediately dismissed. Tanya would never approve.

Tanya. I had left the woman in my bedroom to come out and think of another woman in my life. My relationship with the two were unequal, but Tanya couldn't be convinced. She despised Bella and couldn't understand my liking of the human. But Bella and I shared a connection that I could never have with my fiancée.

Why did I feel more alone than ever when I was with my soul mate? Tanya loved me. I _should_ be happy. A critical hole in my life was filled.

Why did I feel so empty?

My family was not as thrilled to hear the news as I had anticipated.

"_I'm happy. I've found someone to be with. Isn't that what you always wanted?" I nearly yelled at my mother, who showed absolutely no emotion to me._

"_Are you happy, Edward? If you're happy, I'm thrilled."_

_She didn't give me the chance to leave the room. I looked around to find the rest of my family members, but the room was nearly empty, only Alice standing alone in the far corner. By the look in her eye I was sure that if she had the ability to cry, tears would be streaming down her face._

_Why was no one happy for me? My own family…_

I suddenly had an urge to call Bella… to see how college was treating her and what she was up to on a Wednesday evening in New York. I knew she would show some emotion to me.

But… to tell Bella? I had no idea how I'd break the news. For some reason unknown to me, I didn't want her to know.

She's going to find out eventually. Better personally than when she receives the wedding invitation in the mail.

Bella and I didn't have any secrets. Well, we didn't have _many_ secrets. I was open to her about nearly everything and she mirrored that, making our friendship that much closer. We understood each other. There was simply one more little boundary to cross. I knew her intimately and I think for that reason, even after all these years, she still hasn't forgiven me… and herself.

It should've never happened. The pain of the morning after was still a fresh, open wound in my heart. In my life if there was ever one thing I could go back and undo… fix… even if it included preventing Carlisle to sink his teeth into my neck that fateful day… it would be to relive the night I met Bella. There was absolutely no doubt in my mind.

"Edward."

I turned from my musings at the window to see Tanya scantily dressed in the doorway. She leaned against the doorway seductively, her eyes sparkling with lust. "Are you coming back to bed? I thought you said you'd only be gone a minute." Her eyes caught the glint of the wine flute in my hand as the slight outside light caught it. Immediately her posture changed.

"Drinking again? Edward, that's such a disgusting habit. The sloshing of it in your stomach is really grotesque." She approached me and removed the glass from my hand. "I hope you'll take care of it and come back to bed."

With that, she retreated back to the bedroom.

See, Tanya wants what's best for me. She's going to change me for the better. Everything was working out for the best.


	26. Unearthed

**A/N: So, as expected, A LOT of people were upset with the last chapter. Some people, also expected, sent flames and expressed to me that through 25 chapters they still haven't gotten together and now with Tanya in the picture and Edward being an idiot, there was no point in reading any longer. I'm glad that at least some of you have decided to continue reading. However, I feel the need to point out the obvious. The title of the story is Never Be With You ... and it is titled so for a reason. I'm not trying to say that there will not be a happy ending or there will be a happy ending. The point of the story is somewhat representative of life - some people who are perfect for each other will never be together for at least one reason or another. **

**With that said, here's the next installment, which I'm guessing will make some of you at least a little happy. Enjoy!**

* * *

I felt as though my dead heart would suddenly come alive after almost a century of slumber as I stared at the display on my phone. Why was it that simply knowing she was thinking of me and wanting to speak to me that made me all the long repressed human emotions to suddenly awaken from deep within me? For the first time in my long life I felt like a seventeen year old human boy ruled by hormones. Next thing I know I'll have sweaty palms and a raging hard on and not be able to form a coherent thought in her presence.

All this and I've known the woman in question for how long?

I flipped open the phone quickly in fear of the call ending and my rare chance to speak to her to slip away. In my hurry, I almost snapped the silver instrument in two.

"Hello, beautiful."

I could hear the smile in her voice. "Hi, Edward. How's Seattle?"

"I know you didn't call to talk about the weather here. How's the east coast?"

Before she could reply, a voice interrupted from behind me.

"Edward?"

I sighed. "Bella, can I call you back shortly? I need to take care of something."

"Is everything okay?"

"Edward! I'm speaking to you!"

I ignored the voice behind me. "Everything's fine. I – "

"It's Tanya, isn't it?"

Her question surprised me since I still hadn't gotten around to telling her about the engagement, or even the fact that Tanya was visiting.

"Emmett told me," Bella continued, the tone of her voice telling me exactly what Emmett had blurted. "It's okay, Edward. I wasn't calling for anything important. Congratulations, by the way."

"Edward!" the voice behind me screeched.

"Go, Edward," Bella laughed, "Before you have to suffer the consequences."

"I'll call you." I snapped the phone shut and sighed before turning around.

Tanya was fuming, over what, I couldn't be sure, but by the images of a faceless human being tortured and killed, I could only guess she was mad at Bella.

Of everything Tanya hated, Bella was the top of her list. On multiple occasions she had deleted her from my phone and computer, almost as if she thought such an action would delete her from my life. I never said anything about it, knowing it was purely jealousy and simply trying to show her wordlessly that I was in love and dedicated to only her.

Obviously, I wasn't succeeding.

At least Tanya had no idea what my best friend looked like, otherwise I wouldn't be accountable for my actions if I had to see Bella instead of a faceless blonde in Tanya's thoughts.

"Can't you hear me? I'm…"

Nonetheless, I wasn't going to tolerate it.

"What the hell is your problem?" I yelled, whirling around to face her.

Tanya's perfectly colored lip fell open in astonishment. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"My problem? I don't appreciate being ignored. Especially by my betrothed."

"Perhaps you should find a new betrothed that could satisfy your needs."

Tanya's eyes grew larger in shock. Her mind was completely blank. "What?"

"I've done everything and more for you, but there's a line of how far you can delve into my life. If you can't accept that I have a female friend and that I'm committed enough to spend my existence with you, then obviously it's not me doing something wrong anymore."

"That bitch sees you as more than just a friend. It's her that I don't trust."

"She came into my life long before you did and she'll be a part of my life long after you've left."

"She's human, Edward. You're being ridiculous."

"I can't love someone who mentally tortures my friends."

"Can't love?" she repeated.

I softened my voice. "I tried to love you. I thought through your devotion I could mirror it, but I don't love you, Tanya. Now, I don't think I ever could."

"You bastard," she spat. "You took advantage of me! You used my thoughts and the fact that I'm not a freak like you or your clan to deceive me"

"That was never my intention – "

"I don't give a shit about your intentions! You could be lying to me now for all I know! I'm through with this, you human lover. I've stood up for you all these years and I'm only proven wrong."

She brushed past me toward the front door.

"Stood up for me?"

"That's right. You've just proven to me that the rumors are all true."

"What rumors?"

She paused at the door and turned her angry, twisted face toward me. "You're heart's been dead for so long you're not capable of loving anyone. Not even yourself."

The door slammed shut, slipping in two and cracking the drywall, as she stalked permanently out of my life.

I sat heavily on the couch. Her words didn't hurt me nearly as much as she had meant them to. I had actually expected much worse. However, her last statement did more than sting. It was true. Of every vampire I had ever been introduced to I never felt anything. Even with Rosalie, Carlisle's choice for me as the most beautiful of anyone.

I knew this before. I was destined to be alone. Hearing it out loud made it more concrete, more real. It wasn't just in my head.

The tiny phone was still cradled safely in my hand. Without thinking, I found it suddenly ringing for Bella.

"That was quick," Bella answered on the second ring. "You must dazzle her even better than me."

"Not anymore."

"What's wrong? What happened?"

"She left me."

Bella was quiet for a long moment. "I – I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"

"Fine. I couldn't be with her anyway. I never loved her. I think I mistook my loneliness for something more."

"Loneliness? You never told me you were unhappy."

"I'm fine, Bella. I've just been thinking of a change of scenery. Washington is growing too familiar."

"You should come visit! It's almost winter break and my dad won't be able to make it as he planned. It'll be gloomy and snowy and I won't have classes… What do you say?"

"Gloomy and snowy." I laughed. "Sounds wonderful."

Before I knew it, I was on a plane on my way to New York. Bella had informed me in an email at the last minute that Alice, and the rest of my siblings for that matter, had booked travel arrangements to visit her and had been there for the past week. She had called me originally to slip me that fact in hope that I would decide to join the family reunion – since everyone now accepted Bella as an unofficial part of the Cullen clan, and if some emergency were to come about, she would officially become a Cullen.

Although I was Bella's closest friend, I was left without a say in the matter, since Bella consented to the idea herself.

Nonetheless, no such thing would come about. I would stay as close as needed to prevent such an emergency.

Alice was waiting for me at the airport when I arrived, sitting wordlessly in her yellow mustang. She neither looked at me nor broke her silence when I slipped in the car, but took off like I was non-existent.

"Nice to see you too, sis," I greeted, averting my eyes to the New York skyline and focusing on her thoughts.

"Save it."

I turned to her quizzically.

"Don't act all naïve. First you leave all of us to go frolic around Hollywood and then you abandon Bella when she needs you the most."

"What – "

"Not to mention that Tanya spell you had going for the past few months."

"I – "

"Maybe you'll be able to pull together the pieces now, but you're going to have to listen to me and not screw up everything I plan like you have been."

"Al – "

First she would say anything and next thing I know, I couldn't get a word in.

"It's better that you just keep your mouth shut. Nothing substantial ever seems to come of it anyway."

I growled in frustration. "You're never going to let me explain myself, are you?"

"I know that you can't even explain yourself, so no, I'm not going to let you attempt to explain yourself to me."

"Fine, then why are picking me up? I know you would leave me to take a taxi or find other means unless you wanted to see or speak to me before Bella."

Alice sighed and relaxed visibly, her posture easing into the seat and her hands releasing her death grip on the steering wheel.

"Bella did not take your engagement very well, or the fact that you didn't tell her about it yourself. I think she secretly thought you really wouldn't have returned to Seattle after you were done in California, or the fact that you wouldn't be contacting her daily once she was not within driving distance. She's missed you a lot, and she's been restless since you agreed to come visit her."

Her voice trailed off. I knew she wasn't done yet.

"Don't lead her on again, Edward, unless you mean to do something about it."

That was definitely not what I expected.

"Lead her on? I've never – "

"You never intended to, yes, I know. However, Bella does not know that and she may on occasion interpret things differently than you intend."

Her words replayed in my mind until we arrived on campus and to Bella's apartment complex. Somehow, Bella had managed to rent a single apartment close to campus. Alice and Jasper, and Emmett and Rosalie had rented hotel rooms respectively, for certain reasons. However, since I had no reason for such accommodations, Bella insisted that I should not. It wasn't as though they had never shared a room before, she argued, deliberately not mentioning the fact they had shared more than just a room together at one point.

Bella had been in class when I had arrived and as much as I wanted to be outside her classroom waiting for her, Alice snapped at me that if I had waited a year to see her I could wait an hour before slamming the door of the apartment behind her as she left me alone.

The minutes dragged on until finally a key turned in the lock and Bella appeared over the threshold.

"Edward!" she cried, throwing her arms around me.

I hadn't realized how much being apart from her impacted me. Immediately, her scent overtook me and I immediately wondered how the hell I had managed to convince myself that Tanya could have been right for me. How was it that even after all this time and distance Bella still affected me the way she did?

"I'm so glad you came," she whispered as she tightened her grip. I gently returned the gesture, more grateful than ever to have her back in my arms, wondering why I ever let her go in the first place.

Slowly she stepped away and I had the chance to look at her closely for the first time.

She looked incredible. She had matured in the past few months. Her hair had grown long and cascaded in loose curls down her back. Her body had filled out with maturity in more than one place, which I tried to avoid my eyes from lingering.

Immediately, however, I noticed her dazzling smile and the fact that it didn't reach her eyes. Upon further inspection, it became clear that there was something else in her eyes, or rather something not in her eyes. They were dark, not the chocolate brown they had been in the past, but nearing black. They were guarded, as if she had been hurt deeply and had been hording it deep inside her for a long time.

What had happened to my Bella?

"You're a wonderful sight for sore eyes."

Bella blushed to her trademark color. "You're not so bad yourself, Cullen."

"How has college been treating you? And if it's anything less than spectacular I'm whisking you back to Washington to educate you myself."

Bella stared at me for a second before a small smile broke the serious look on her face. "No need to worry. I'm doing just fine."

I reached forward and cupped her cheek in my hand, brushing my thumb over the dark circle under her eye. "Really, Bella?"

"I've been studying a lot… long nights lately. Sadly, I can't go without sleep and still look like a runway model unlike some people."

"That's not funny, Bella. You've been working too hard."

"Welcome to college."

"Well, we're going to do something about that. I'm going to take you out tonight." I said the words before I even had a chance to think about the consequences of such a decision. "We'll go out – all of us – and take your mind off everything."

"Everything?" she asked.

"Everything," I confirmed, letting my hand fall, drifting it through her hair and down her shoulder until it fell away at my side.

"I'm really glad you came, Edward. I've missed you more than I realized."

"I'll be here as long as you want me."

Alice's idea of a night out was hitting the clubs of downtown New York. I knew the same thoughts went through Bella's mind at the exact moment they went through mine when Alice mentioned the idea. Bella said nothing, not so much even glancing in my direction, as she smiled and agreed. Taking her lead, I kept my mouth shut. Emmett grinned and pulled Rosalie to him to whisper something in her ear. Alice was already picking out everyone's attire and hot spots to hit. Jasper, however, was the only one to notice the tension between Bella and I fill the room and glanced between us, wondering what it was about.

I could do this. This would be my redeeming night. I would steer clear of Bella. I would not touch the alcohol that I had been downing on a regular basis. I wouldn't touch her. No problem.

However, when Bella appeared from her bedroom wearing a dark fitted tank, a short black skirt, and black knee high boots that screamed "fuck me," my original plan briefly flew out the window. Her eyes were dark with eyeliner and I knew mine looked similar, but for different reasons entirely.

I was going to kill Alice.

Bella's eyes traveled up and down my body and I imagined her eyes darkening even more, though I knew it was impossible to tell in the dimly lit entrance room of her apartment. Alice had left coinciding dark clothes out for me to wear, but I had long since allowed Alice to dress me, instead choosing my own slate gray dress shirt and black slacks, which I had to admit, were not much different than what my devious sister had planned, but I had packed for such an occasion and wanted to spite my sister for once.

Judging by her glare she wasn't humored, but obviously she wasn't so upset as to send me away to change again.

She grabbed Bella gleefully and just about flew out the door, dragging her to the mustang, while Rosalie and Emmett headed toward his rental car. I followed.

"I don't think so," Emmett objected, shoving me none too gently away from his ride. "You go in the sissy car. This, my brother, only seats two, and I'm going to put that fact to good use."

I cringed away from the mental images he sent me and gladly slid into the open door of the waiting yellow sports car.

The back seat of the mustang was a little tight for two, forcing me to sit closely to Bella, not that I minded. I draped my arm over her shoulders to make her more comfortable and found my fingers subconsciously running over the smooth, bare skin of her shoulder.

"I'm so excited," Alice sang as she shifted the car into gear and took off. She continued her mindless jabber, but I left it to Jasper to listen to as I turned to my long missed friend beside me.

I allowed myself to inhale her scent deeply, nuzzling my nose in her hair. "You look amazing as always, Bella," I whispered in her ear.

She audibly swallowed and slowly turned to look up at me. "You're doing it again," she whispered back.

"What?"

"Dazzling me."

Looking into her eyes I felt something deep within me stir alive. I wanted to bend down and kiss her right now, to gently feel her lips beneath mine again. Suddenly, the longing became a need and the need became more necessary as air. I wanted to crush my lips to hers, to pull her so she was straddling me and grind myself hard into her core until she moaned my name. The lust that filled me was so…

I swallowed and apologized to Bella before breaking eye contact, allowing Bella to relax further into me. I growled lightly in my throat, making sure it wasn't loud enough for Bella to feel or hear, but making sure my brother in the front seat got the message.

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and the lust ebbed away.

I'm sorry. I'm just following orders.

Orders? He was following orders? There was only one person that could still give Major Whitlock orders that he would obey, orders like that nonetheless.

The question was, why would my sister want me to lust for Bella? She was so hesitant about our relationship to begin with. Had Bella told her of our true meeting? Was she sending me reminders?

Like I needed reminders, and I knew Bella better than to tell anyone of that night.

Why the hell was my sister trying to set us up? Was Jasper sending the same emotions to Bella?

It became obvious very quickly that I wouldn't be able to trust Bella or my emotions for the remainder of the evening.

Or the remainder of my siblings' trip for that matter.

Clubbing was everything I remembered it to be – hot bodies pressed together, the smell of alcohol and arousal, and the pumping of the base that seemed to echo through my hollow body. Oh how much I did not want to be there.

Alice quickly had her hands wrapped around Jasper and pulled him eagerly into the crowd. I could already spot Emmett and Rosalie grinding in the middle of it all. I was left standing alone with Bella who already seemed to be loosening up more.

"Wanna dance?" she asked me.

"Go ahead. I'll be at the bar."

"You're going to leave me alone? You just got here and already you're avoiding me?"

"There's more than one man out there hoping I'll back away to give them their chance. I don't need Alice's premonitions to know that you won't be alone at all tonight."

"I don't want to dance with any of them, Edward."

Without consenting, my feet followed her as she dragged me to the dance floor. A fast beat filled the club and the bodies around us were pressed tightly together.

"Dance with me, Edward."

When I wanted to dance with her and danced with her in the past it was never like this. I couldn't be this close to her and be in control of myself. Perhaps it was the era I was raised in or the fact that clubbing had never appealed to me in the past, but this was not dancing. This was public foreplay. It was only for horny men who could not control their hormones and didn't care about degrading women.

Immediately when Bella pulled us to a stop in a clear space near the corner of the dance floor, I felt Jasper's emotional presence again. I looked up, searching for him, but in vain. Bella tugged open a button of my shirt to pull my attention back to her. Her eyes were filled with hurt.

"Are there so many others here you would rather dance with?"

"No. There is no one, but you, Bella. You know that. There's never been anyone but you."

Fueled by the lust flooding over me, I spun Bella around and pressed my hips into her backside. Above all the commotion in the room, I head Bella's intake of breath. Her hands came up and threaded into my hair as I grasped her hips, rotating experimentally against her. Bella's head rolled back as her eyes closed and her heart took off. She began matching my motions, falling into a rhythm with me.

I couldn't think anymore, a fact that should have stopped me right then and there. I had no idea what overtook me, if Jasper had more to his gift than he had ever implied or if it was some other force working on me that kept be going and out of dangerous territory. My hands freely roamed Bella's body as hers roamed mine. At some point she turned around, on her own accord or mine, and pressed her pelvis against mine, grading against me. Her breasts pressed against me and rubbed against my sensitized chest and her heavy breathing brushed against the skin of my neck. I knew my breathing matched hers, whether I wanted to admit it or not. Images of us tangled in the sheets together filled my mind as I thrust and rotated against her to the beat of the unknown song that filled the room. I found myself licking and kissing every piece of skin that my lips could find. I lost all concept of where we were and what we were doing. It was me and Bella. We were the world. There was no world.

I was putty in her hands. I would have submitted to anything she would have asked to me.

My arousal was out of control. I couldn't stop. I had to be closer to her. The way she smelled, the way she tasted. All of the emotions from clubbing with her years and years ago resurfaced and I realized the monster I had long since tried to conquer had resurfaced. I longed to fuck her senseless and then sink my teeth deep into her neck, tasting the sweet nectar of her blood that I could only imagine by the potent smell under my nostrils.

I ran my nose along her carotid artery, inhaling deeply.

"Edward!" Bella moaned, breaking the silence of our breathing for the first time all evening, her body arching into me.

As if she had switched on a light bulb, my trained senses returned to me and I realized how close I was to Bella, the fact that my hands were cupped under her rear in order to lift her closer to me… my deadly teeth so close to…

I pulled away, my eyes wide and shocked. I stared at her, unable to comprehend exactly what I had been caught doing. I had never been more scared in my life. I had almost killed Bella. I had resurfaced the monster that had taken years to repress and overcome and given in to his yearnings.

"I'm sorry," I murmured before I took off for the door with inhuman speed, disappearing into the night.

* * *

**A/N: Finally a little physical action between Bella and Edward! I bet no one was expecting that after last chapter! Reviews equal private grinding session with Edward! HOTT!**

**Next chapter will be up soon since it's already written - the first chapter that inspired the story! I'm so excited to finally get to post it!**


	27. Earthquake

"What are you doing here?" she asked, running her hands over her tear streaked face.

It had been days since I last saw Bella. I had taken off running to the upper half of the state, feeding to the point that I felt like I would burst. I wanted to die more than anything, but I had made up to do one thing before finally heading off to Italy.

Every reason of why I was standing on her doorstep left my mind as soon as I took in her appearance. She looked horrible. Besides her red face, her eyes were blurry, pupils enlarged… Her clothes were overly large for her thin frame and un-kept. The smell of alcohol filled the room. I looked at her, concerned, never seeing her cry, except… "Bella – "

"Now's not a good time. I'll call you." She moved to shut the door.

My hand caught it. "I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong. Now, are you going to tell me, or am I going to have to pry it out of you?" I asked, knowing all too well that nothing was hard to get out of her.

"It's none of your business. You have great timing, you know," she spat. "What did you come here for anyway?"

"Bella, you know you can tell me anything."

"Since when did you become my dad?"

"Bella – "

"It's you! Are you happy? You ruined my life! You tear me to pieces! I was fine before you came along and screwed me over. You came into my life with your good looks, stunning eyes, and unfailing charisma and steal the only thing I had left for my first love!"

Oh, no...

That's what this was about? Shit, I thought we had settled this years ago. If she had this bottled up in her all this time… "Bella – "

"No! It doesn't stop there! I could've survived if you had left me alone, but you insisted on making it up to me and convincing me we could be friends. I can't. I can't – don't you see! I thought knowing you weren't the Mr. Perfect the media makes you out to be would be enough. I thought my heart was out of the danger zone knowing that side of you that few people see. But you proved me wrong." She laughed. "How could I ever doubt _the_ Edward Cullen!"

I swallowed hard. "What are you trying to say?"

"Isn't it clear? I fell for you! You tore my heart out! Any chance I had at having a normal relationship with anyone is ruined! As hard as I try, no one can compare to you! No one has your sense of humor or craves the adrenaline rush like you. No one has pushed me outside my limits or listened to me like you! No matter how hard I try to forget about you, I can't get through a night without dreaming of _that_ night – the sweat on your brow, how your eyes darkened with lust, how your accent becomes even stronger when you're turned on, your dirty words…" She leaned heavily against the wall, the memories calming her voice, weakening her almost.

"I can't kiss a guy without remembering the feeling of your lips on mine. I can't turn on the radio without wondering if you composed the melody or the lyrics. I can't concentrate at class. I can't… I can't stand being around you knowing that you don't see me as anything but just another sister. I can't be around you knowing you don't feel the same! And most of all, knowing I can never be with you."

Her words stunned me. I couldn't believe I never saw… never realized…

I watched as her sobs overtook her and she slid down to the floor. Only then did I snap out of my stupor enough to go to her. Without a second thought, I brought my arms around her.

"Leave me alone! I don't want your pity," she sobbed, struggling against me. I only brought her closer to me, tightening my arms around her, shushing her protests.

I held her there, in her foyer, as she cried. I couldn't let go if I wanted. Her sobs hit me straight in the heart and I would have given anything to take away the pain I caused her.

"How long? I whispered in her ear, almost afraid to know.

"I don't know… Years…" She cried harder into my shirt. "I've tried not to keep track."

I sighed and kissed the top of her head. How could I have been so blind? How could I not see this coming?

"Help me, Edward, please," she whimpered against my chest.

"Anything, love."

"Help me get you out of my system," she muttered, her lips pressing against my throat.

My body froze. My mind turned blank before the request fully registered. I immediately pulled her up to look at me, but as I opened my mouth to talk some sense in her, I felt my lips otherwise occupied. Her tongue thrust into my mouth as she kissed me with a violent passion. I responded for a moment, relishing in the feel of her lips before gently pulling her slightly away. Panic swept through me for a moment as I worried about my venomous saliva being in contact with her, but she appeared unaffected. I was silently thankful for my restraint in playing a part of not thirsting for her any longer.

"Bella, you don't know what you're asking. This is not the way to solve this."

She pulled away from me violently and struggled to her feet. "I knew it. The mere thought of being with me repulses you!"

I was standing in an instant and grabbed her harshly, turning her back to me. "That's not true!" I yelled instinctively. I desperately wanted to pull her close to me and make passionate love to her like I had always dreamed. I wanted to kiss her until she thought of nothing else. I wanted to give her what I had neglected that first time and promised to make up to her. I wanted…. Everything! However, I had to calm myself. I had worked so hard over the years to convince myself that friendship was enough for me and I couldn't destroy that with one night of recklessness. I lowered my voice and continued. "You forget that you were the one who beckoned me out on the dance floor and turned me on to the point I lost all control. That you were the one grinding into me and pulling on my hair until I couldn't resist you!"

"But you were the one who looked irresistible in those tight jeans and that white shirt with the top couple buttons undone," she replied through her tears, playing with the collar of my shirt. "Then you follow me, buy me drinks, and tell me how hot you are in that undeniable accent of yours. How was I supposed to resist?"

I stared at her, regarding her. It surprised me that she remembered the night so vividly after drinking as much as she had. Although I was fairly sure that she had more than her share of alcohol currently in her system now, she appeared to clearly know what she was asking. My eyes traveled from her eyes to her parted lips before meeting her eyes again. I found myself lost in the familiar chocolate brown eyes staring back at me, pupils large from alcohol consumption. I wanted her so bad, and for once she wanted me. From what the kiss did to me I knew it would take years to overcome. What was a few extra tacked on for satisfying all of my yearnings? I was never one to go halfway and above all I could never deny anything to Bella.

"This is what you want?"

Her eyes locked on my lips and she nodded, her breath quickening and grazing my chin.

"Lord help me," I muttered, before lowering my lips to hers. As soon as my lips touched hers, all my second thoughts flew out the window. I knew sleeping with her wouldn't reverse her feelings and would only resurface mine, but kissing her brought back the drunken memories of her innocent hands running through my hair and over my nipples.

Instantly, I was hard, a feat I originally thought I'd have to fight for. I groaned at the feeling and gently crushed her to me, slipping my tongue into her mouth and deepening the kiss. Her hands slipped under my shirt and lightly traced the skin of my abs, causing me to jump, but allow her to remove my shirt.

She pressed against me desperately, her feet scraping against my knees and calves as if trying to climb me. Obeying her wish, I lifted her and wrapped her feet around my waist, stumbling for the bedroom as she pressed her core against my pelvis. I broke the kiss and began to work on her neck, feeling her fingers on the fly of my jeans.

I laid her on the bed and stilled her hands. "Not yet," I ordered, my voice gruff and foreign to me. "You're wearing too many clothes."

Her hands instantly went for her shirt and her legs went to latch on me once more. I pressed her feet down and chuckled against her midriff. Slowly, I slipped my hands under her shirt, kissing her belly button and making my way up her torso before removing her shirt completely.

My greedy eyes took in the sight of her heaving, bra-clad chest before me. "You're a vision," I murmured, tracing the underline of her breasts to her back where I unclipped the offending clothing with a practiced flick of my wrist.

Seeing her bare-chested almost undid me. The familiar neediness from that night returned to me and to distract myself I crushed my lips against hers, groaning at the feeling of our bare chests pressing together. Her exquisite body combined with her uncommon innocence brought out a feeling I hadn't felt since I was human.

My hands quickly went to work on her jeans, my hands grazing her sides to her breasts once they were discarded.

"Tell me what you like," I murmured against her lips as I kneaded the flesh. My fingers grazing her nipples, eliciting a moan from her. I repeated the action with more pressure then pinch them gently.

"Harder," she moaned.

I groaned, twisting and pinching them into hard twin peaks until her hips began lifting in search of mine. Her hands left my chest to find my jeans again. Impatient, I grabbed them and held them above her head.

"Edward – " her complaint was swallowed by a moan as I locked my mouth on her, sucking hard, my free hand traveling to remove her panties.

I closed my eyes in bliss at the feeling of how wet she was and slipped a finger in her. Her mouth opened in a silent cry as her body arched off the bed.

"Bloody hell, Bella. How long has it been?" I asked surprised how tightly her walls hugged my single finger.

"You," she panted. "Since you."

Her answer shocked my movements still.

She whined in complaint, her pelvis pressing into my hand. "Edward."

"You haven't – Bella, look at me," I ordered as she opened her eyes. "You haven't been with anyone since we met?"

"I couldn't… couldn't go through with it."

"Were you scared? Bella? Oh, Isabella, I'll make it up for how I treated you."

I kissed my way down her stomach to her mound. Spreading her legs apart I kissed her clit lightly before taking it into my mouth. I held her hips down as she screamed and went to work sucking and stroking her walls. Feeling her loosen up, I inserted another before I felt her start to clamp on me. I didn't stop as the spasms began and it wasn't long until she screamed my name as she went over the edge.

Dear Lord, the sight of her in the peak of ecstasy was almost better than experiencing an orgasm myself. I would surely die a happy man if she killed me right there.

I kissed the inside of each thigh before moving up and kissing her soundly on the lips.

She opened her eyes and regarded me through her haze. "Holy hell, Edward. What was that?"

_She never had an orgasm?_ I almost couldn't believe it.

I kissed her again before answering. "What I should have done two years ago. Bella – "

"Edward, shut up and fuck me."

Hearing that phrase coming from her mouth stunned me to the point I didn't feel her hands undoing my jeans until her hand grasped the swollen head of my member. I hadn't intended actually going through with it, only to pleasure her as I had and "rid me from her system" without risking my sanity, but when she spoke like that – touched me… tomorrow didn't matter.

I groaned, my hips buckling into her hand. "Yes, ma'am."

Quickly, I shed my pants and boxers and poised myself above her.

"Bella – "

"Just do it, Edward!"

Slowly I slid into her until I was seated to the hilt. A thousand things seemed to happen both from within me and around me at that one moment. An electic jolt shot though me, sending my body rigid and my eyes to roll back into my head. The bliss that I felt being united with Bella had no comparison to anything I had ever felt in my life. The heat from her warm blood pulsed around me and the simple act of being encased within her was almost as strong as my strongest orgasm.

The sound from Bella reached me only a millisecond later and resonated somewhere between a scream and a moan. Her body arched and she clutched at me, burying her face in my chest and biting me hard. I was near shaking with thread-like control, wanting to thrust into her without abandon. It was going to take every ounce of everything I had in me to keep this gentle enough not to hurt her.

Or worse.

This was where I wanted to be. My entire life I had been searching for this. I wanted to enjoy the moment.

As soon as the thought crossed my mind, I felt the walls around me clench with a power I never expected. The already tight space became unbearable. All thought of enjoying the moment or making this last went right out the window.

"Fuck, Bella," I groaned, "you make me feel like I'm gonna lose control."

"Lose it, Edward!" she demanded arching her hips more into me as she brought my head down for a passionate kiss.

I rocked my hips into a rhythm – faster than I'd originally intended. The sight of her, sweaty and out of breath, breasts bouncing as I pounded into her, brought my climax steadily creeping up on me, but I refused to give in without her.

My eyes still didn't believe the sight underneath me. Bella withered in ecstasy, her hands gripping me like there was no tomorrow. Her mouth was open – her breath coming out in pants. Her long hair sprayed out around her head in perfect waves. The only thing I wished was she would open her chocolate brown eyes.

Had she always so beautiful?

I brushed my hand against the perfect angle of her cheekbone, eliciting the exact reaction I wanted. Her eyes opened and looked at me in the most lustful, love-filled eyes I had ever seen. The look alone could have sent me to a permanent grave.

"Edward," she whispered, her voice full of emotion. Her hands ran up my body and through the hair on the back of my head. I arched into the touch, groaning before leaning down and capturing her lips in mine.

Our tongues battled for dominance. Outside the taste of the alcohol, Bella tasted better than I could have ever imagined. The thirst that I experienced for her the moment we met didn't compare actually sipping the wine, nor the wonderful scent that she constantly gave off to drive me wild.

Bella lifted her hips and changed the angle of our connection, allowing me to slide deeper into her with every thrust.

"Bella… God Bella. Let go. I'm coming." I reached down and pinched her clit, rubbing it hard in time with my strokes. It wasn't long until her muscles clamped down on me and she screamed out her climax. The sight of her in the peak of elation and her body taunt beneath me finally allowed me to release the floodgates within me. She pulled me with her and the feeling of absolute bliss – of sharing it with the one person I had always needed in my life – was the strongest, greatest exultation in my entire existence.


	28. Little Four Letter Word

**A/N: It seems you all have lost faith in Edward. :( So sad. Although, I think I did make it very clear that Edward would never be the one to make the first move and Bella was too shy to. I hope most of you assumed that Alice had talked to Bella and gave her some tips, so when Edward first arrived, Bella put on the advances - at least to some extent.**

**Some of you asked how much of the lust Edward felt was due to Jasper's influence or his own feelings. Edward doesn't even know, but I hope in the coming chapters, you'll figure it out as Edward figures it out.**

**So, since Edward was still of afraid of his monster, aka: "his inability to stay in control around Bella because of their immense attraction," here comes Bella to throw down some alcohol to loosen her tongue and Edward to come at just the right moment! Ba da bing, ba da boom.**

**Now... the big question - how will Edward react now to that explosive night? Here we go!!!**

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I barely kept myself from collapsing on her. My arms shook underneath me as I came out of the haze caused by the mind-blowing sex. I gasped for air, my chest heaving, and bent down to press a kiss on her lips before lowering myself and pulling her to rest on top of me. It wasn't until that moment that I realized what I had done – when I felt my cock, loose and empty of its load, still inside her. I had taken her – my innocent friend that I promised never to harm – without protection. I had never been so stupid. Even in a drunken haze I'd remembered rubbers – even with my steady lovers, hell even with my fiancée.

But as I felt her hands lightly stroking my chest, I swallowed my worries. I couldn't ruin this experience for her, especially with something like that. I stroked her hair and calmed myself down. What were the chances? Venom no longer pooled in my mouth or my throat around her. Would it still be in my other bodily fluids?

I thought of the possibility of Bella as the same as me – Bella as a vampire. Wasn't it time I considered about settling down and stopped parading around as America's Most Eligible and Hottest Bachelor? Wasn't Bella the perfect one to pull me from that?

I couldn't do that to her. I wouldn't subject her to the same fate.

"I think you've ruined all other men for me," I heard her mumble softly.

If only she knew that she ruined all other women for me.

"You'll find someone who makes you happy – I'm sure of it."

She looked up at me and sighed as she buried her head beneath my chin once more. "I'm getting tired of waiting for someone else to come into the picture."

"Don't give up hope, love. There's got to be someone out there who deserves you."

She was quiet for a long time and I heard her breathing growing deep. Then she replied so softly that I almost missed it, almost like her last thought before falling to sleep.

"If only I deserved you, Edward Cullen."

Deserved me? Hell, I was one of the lowest. Once, we might have been right for each other – before I grew sick and met Carlisle, back when I was just another kid. Even then, she would be out of my league. I was always too reckless for my own good, attracted to danger and adrenaline rushes more than what is healthy. But Carlisle changed all of that.

I had been alone for so long. I was a ticking time bomb to do something rash and unforgivable.

Fucking Bella all those years ago was the best thing that ever happened to me. She grounded me. Reminded me of the real world versus the fictional world I was caught up in – being a creature that really wasn't supposed to exist. She helped me experience the teenage and college years that I missed out on by being trapped at seventeen for over a hundred years. She showed me that living alone is no way to live. I needed a home – something to come back to.

Fuck, I loved her.

I'd been trying to hide from it for so long. It was clear that she loved me. It was about damn time that I showed it.

She sighed in her sleep and I felt her hips move against me, her thigh brushing against my dick as she made herself more comfortable.

I was suddenly aware of all the points which her naked body was pressed against mine. I felt myself harden as I thought of how she looked beneath me, how her skin felt against mine, and the sounds she made while nearing her climax.

I couldn't help it; I needed her again – badly. I felt my hands move down her back and grab her ass, massaging it in my hands. I let one hand drift between her legs to part her folds. My head fell back and I closed my eyes with a groan.

Good god, she was wet.

She moaned a little and spread her legs apart, pressing into my hand. Instantly I was painfully hard and couldn't help but enter a finger into her wet heat and withdrawing it. She jolted against me. Her hand moved across my chest, her fingers grazing my nipples. I let out a low groan, wondering how much longer I would be subjected to this torture.

"Edward?" she asked, her voice a pitch lower from sleep.

"Don't do that, love," I groaned.

"Don't do what?" she asked innocently, oblivious to what she was doing to me as she moved to get up to see what was wrong, her inner thigh brushing against my member. Looking down, she blushed, then giggled. "Oh. That could be a problem."

"A painful problem," I agreed.

"Then you wouldn't mind me relieving you of that problem, would you?" she ground her hips into mine, wiping her wetness along my shaft.

"What do you have in mind?" I asked, my voice husky with arousal. She kissed me deeply, her fingers gently and agonizingly running up my length. "I think you'll approve," she said as she plunged down on me.

"Fuck!" I yelled, giving off a stream of curses as I fought not to lose myself right then. I gripped the mattress tightly, barely noticing as my fingers easily buried themselves deep in the springs. I squeezed my eyes shut for long moments as I fought for my control. I placed my hands on her hips when I finally gained enough control to be gentle, holding her down so she wouldn't move and set me off again. "What you do to me…" I finally groaned, opening my eyes to see her smile. I moved as if to flip her, but she stopped me.

"Let me ride you."

Like I was going to resist that offer.

I loosened my hold on her hips and slowly, she raised herself before dropping violently on me. She moaned and did it again before placing her hands on my shoulders, rotating her hips once and began bucking wildly into me. Good, god, I'd died and gone to heaven. In no time, I was thrusting my hips back into her, my groin tightening for a huge climax. Her muscles suddenly gripped me like a vice and I heard her scream as my seed emptied in her and I answered with a cry of my own.

She collapsed on me and I pulled her up for a violent kiss.

"What am I going to do with you?" I asked against her lips, struggling for breath.

"Fuck me again?" she asked with a smile.

I dropped my head back on the bed. "Already? I'm still recovering from you slamming into me."

She climbed off me, still grinning and grabbed my shirt from the floor. "Too much for you? Let me see if I can find something to help you recover."

My imagination ran rapid thinking of the things she might bring back with her and I found that I had faster recovery than I originally thought. As the minutes ticked by I didn't care what it was that she went looking for, only wanted her to return.

It wasn't long until I grew impatient and stalked out of the bedroom after her, hearing her in the kitchen. The vision before me when I entered was all I needed to rejuvenate myself. Bent at the waist, Bella wore only my shirt and was digging for something in the refrigerator. Her ass was open as a book, exposing her sex, which beckoned my growing cock to enter. I considered taking her right then and there, but my growl caused her to turn.

"I thought you were resting."

"You took too long," I growled, walking toward her.

"Well, I'm fresh out of mountain lion, it seems. I was trying to see if I had some irritable grizzly left."

In two steps I had her up against the refrigerator.

"You're all I want," I growled, nipping at her neck and slipping a finger between her folds.

"Edward, this is unhealthy," she breathed, leaving her head back against my shoulder and pressing her hips into my hand.

"How so?" I whispered in her ear, tracing the shell with my tongue.

"Do you always recover this fast?" she groaned, as my finger began circling her clit.

"I've never tried. Only you make me this horny. Now, do you wanna talk about this state you put me in, or do you want to do something about it?" I flicked her clit with one finger while inserting another.

"Edward…" she moaned.

In a swift movement, I pushed her against the appliance and entered her from behind. She screamed in surprise, her eyes rolling back.

"It's my turn to make you lose control, love."

With those words, I rolled my hips against hers before withdrawing and driving into her again. I repeated this, setting an agonizingly slow pace. Her hands left the metal surface the grab my ass and push me into her.

"Harder!"

Damn her hands were cold.

"Faster!" I spread my legs apart and, bending my knees, drove into her hard. I reached around and rubbed her clit in time with my increasing strokes. "Fuck that feels…" her eyes and head rolled back onto my shoulder.

"Feels what, baby? Good?"

She only moaned.

Our hips slammed together.

I placed my free hand on the refrigerator door for balance as I began to pick up my tempo once more, feeling the sharp difference in the cool temperature of one hand versus the other. After a moment, I felt her muscles begin to tighten around me and I switched my hands. As soon as my colder fingers touched her, her body went rigid and she screamed as her muscles suddenly began to spasm and gave into her release.

I continued to pound in her from behind moving my fingers to fondle her breasts and press her close to the fridge. I could feel my balls tighten and closed my eyes, adjusting the angle. Her fingers ran through my hair, her nails biting into my scalp.

"God, I can feel you growing," she moaned, pulling at my hair. "Shit, you feel good."

I pumped into her furiously, pulling at her nipples.

"Let go, baby," she whispered to me. "Let go."

I tried to draw it out, hold on, but it was too much. Her name was ripped from my lips as I slammed her up against the appliance one last time and spilled my load.

As I came back down with a groan, I gripped her tight as I felt the fatigue flooded me and my legs threatened to give out.

"You're going to kill me if you keep this up," I breathed in her ear, kissing the skin on her neck.

"Me? You're the one who attacked me!" she objected, letting her head fall back onto his shoulder.

Nudging aside the neck on her shirt, I lightly kissed the skin on her exposed shoulder, and let my hands, drift under the hem to trace the flesh of her stomach. "I can't help it when you stand there with your sex exposed to the world, wearing only my shirt."

"Would it make you happy if I wore a full jump suit all the time?"

I could hear the smile in her voice and growled in response, allowing my hands to …squeeze her full breasts. "That would indeed be a slow and painful death."

She moaned and reached her hands up to fist my hair. "So no matter what I do, you won't survive?" she asked breathlessly.

I took my time worshipping her body as I thought of an appropriate answer. The truth was I would die without her, but she wasn't ready for that confession. Even though she believed she loved me, I had to be sure she was comfortable with the relationship before I told her how I truly felt. I knew she believed she loved me, but I was old enough to know that you needed more than love in a relationship and I didn't want to pressure her into becoming part of the hell that was my life.

I smiled into her shoulder. "No matter what you do _he_ won't survive," I joked pressing my pelvis into her ass to show her who I was referring to. "Keep this up and you'll have one happy man."

"You don't say," she murmured before releasing her hold on my scalp, moving to adjust herself.

I purred in her ear, but reluctantly released my hold on her and withdrew our intimate bond. She immediately slipped away from me and adjusted her shirt, busying herself about the kitchen. Her mood change told me I said the wrong thing.

"What's wrong?" I asked, taking the milk from her to replace it in the fridge.

"Nothing," she brushed it off too quickly. "Just tired," she paused to roll her neck, "and sore."

I had been too rough with her. I silently chastised myself for letting my lust overtake me so much that I took her so roughly so soon.

I gently removed the spatula from her hand. "Go lie down. I'll fix you some breakfast."

She looked at me. "Are you sure you can manage?"

I drew back, mock offended. "Are you accusing me of not being able to cook?"

"You're a _vegetarian_, Edward. I want to make sure my ham and bacon to not turn up missing. Plus, you don't eat to know what's good."

I didn't laugh at her attempt of a joke. "Go lay down, and in a few moments, you'll have the best omelet you've ever dreamed of."

She reluctantly obeyed, dragging her feet off to the bedroom.

I took my time finishing her late afternoon breakfast, making hers just how she liked it, feeling that it would take more than a good omelet to cheer Bella from the mood I had somehow forced her into. With a grin, I thought of the all time I had to take her out and bring out that dazzling smile. Walking down the hall, bearing her plate, I began planning our day.

However, the only thing I found when I opened the door was Bella, fully clothed now and soundly asleep between the covers. I laid down next to her, quietly watching her, before slipping away to place her breakfast in the refrigerator. As I curled into bed behind her, I figured I would give her a few hours to sleep before we started our day.

**

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A/N: :D

**I've had a poll on my profile since the beginning of this story about Bella's point of view and now is the time to finally decide. It's necessary at this point to REALLY understand how Bella interpreted all of Edward's actions and words. I hope I made it clear enough, but in case, I have a short 1,000 words written to explain. Please review to tell me if this is necessary to post!**

**Also, I know it's been a long time, but many of you asked about what happened to make Bella come running to Edward in the middle of the night. In the past chapter, she reveals that she couldn't be with anyone because she was haunted by the night with Edward. As may have been guessed, she had strong feelings for Jacob and tried to take the relationship to the next level, but was extremely distraught when she couldn't go through with it. She hadn't meant to, but her feet took her to Edward's, and she didn't realize it until he appeared on the other side of the door.**


	29. Gone

**A/N: Just to avoid confusion and/or misunderstanding, the end of this chapter switches to Bella's point of view. A majority of reviewers opted for it, and it's too short to put in a chapter of its own. Also, the reason Edward didn't use protection isn't because he is worried about pregnancy, but the venom in his system and it's affect on Bella. Like the Twilight books, Edward doesn't think of the possibility of a baby. I know it's farfetched, but in this story, Edward becomes 'adapted' to be around Bella and no longer pools venom in her presence - thus, he can kiss her and consummate with her and leave her unaffected. (I am a firm believer that if any of Edward's fluids have venom, then they all do - I am a biology major ;). )**

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The day was beautiful and I soon dragged myself from the beauty next to me to feel the sunlight and clear the conflicting thoughts in my head. I wanted to do something special for her, and I knew just the thing to loosen her up to talk to me about what exactly had her so worked up the night before. I wanted to unearth the old memories and get everything out in the open.

Heading to the kitchen, I pulled out her favorite mug and went about finding the ingredients to make her favorite drink, but surprisingly enough, her cabinets were practically bare.

Torn about my next action, I went back to the bedroom to check on her. She was deeply asleep and would not be waking anytime soon.

Quickly I dressed and headed to the supermarket.

The trip took longer than I anticipated. The choices were infinite and I had a hard time between picking something new and picking her favorite. Frustrated, I grabbed the ingredients, waited through the long lines and headed back.

Immediately, I went to the bedroom, longing to see her naked, sleeping form.

My eyes met only the white of her sheets.

I usually would have calmed myself, often haven jumping to conclusions. I tried to rationalize that she was having a 'human moment' or otherwise about her flat, but this felt different. I couldn't sense her in my presence and I knew right away that something was wrong.

I left the room to search her out. What I realized startled me.

The house was empty. All of her possessions were gone. How could I not have noticed this before?

My heart began to race. What was going on?

My realistic side kept trying to calm me, telling me it was just my imagination, or digging to remember if she was moving.

This wasn't my imagination – no dream, and Bella couldn't be moving. She still had two years until she finished her degree.

All of these thoughts fled my mind as my eyes settled on the refrigerator. After what had happened, hours before, I would have smiled – even a little – if it wasn't for what else was there.

A note. Fastened to the door by a magnet, it stuck out like a beacon was trained on it. At once, I knew it could only be bad news, and half of me was tempted to turn and ignore it, to grab the phone.

But I couldn't help myself. I needed a reason.

_Edward –_

_I'm sorry for not saying goodbye in person, but I couldn't do it. I've never become as close to someone as I have with you. We've been through hell together, haven't we? Without regards of how our relationship began, I couldn't have made it through these past five years without you. You weren't just my rock, you were so much more, and you'll always be more than that sexy musician filling the radio waves – you're my brother, my friend, my first love._

_I know you're still ashamed about that night, but it's embedded in a special place in my heart. I cherish it – from what glows in that drunken memory. Dancing with you, watching you lose control. God, what I would give to have you look at me that way again._

_You'll always be on my mind, Edward. I hope you can at least spare a part of you to remember me._

_Don't come looking for me, Edward. It's best this way. You have a busy schedule and should enjoy the little free time they give you – just don't let Hollywood steal your life away._

_I've left you a collection of all the songs I can never listen to without thinking of you – the songs you've ruined – not that I mind. A piece of you is in every song, but these ones hold your soul, or at least mine._

_I love you, Edward Cullen. I wish I had the courage to say it to your face, but I'm not strong enough to stomach your reaction. Don't feel guilty. None of it was your fault – consciously. I'll miss our late night talks, surfing lessons, clubbing with your family – give them my regards._

_Forget about me. Move on. Settle down with a Hollywood beauty in a few years, while you're still young. I'll read about your wedding._

_With all my love,_

_Bella_

My eyes welled up with tears and, suddenly losing the feeling in my legs, I fell to my knees. She left me? I couldn't think…. Couldn't feel… couldn't move.

Deep inside, I was afraid that this would happen. I should have told her while I had the chance. I loved, but now was alone.

_The truth was, I'd die without her._

It felt like just that was happening now. My chest ached from my lack of ability to breathe, my eyes burned from the tears I tried to hold back, my knees throbbed from where they solidly hit her tile floor. I knew I shouldn't have given her my heart. I knew better than to love someone without barriers. I thought this time was different. I thought _she_ was different. I thought wrong.

And I had this pain now as a punishment, and when my breath finally came back to me, it was in heaving sobs, and the tears would have came loose if I had the ability to produce them, and the pain didn't get any better.

* * *

I couldn't listen to the CDs left on the kitchen table for weeks. It seemed that I always had them with me – just in case the moment came that I felt the need. She was constantly on my mind, but I couldn't bring myself to get into her mind. To expose myself to the hate that she must have felt for me for all those years. My dreams were filled with songs of hard rock with despicable words, of rape and songs of murder… I couldn't blame her in the least, but I held onto her confession of love, her laugh, and the look of her in ecstasy beneath me.

She was killing me. I had learned to suppress my feelings for her enough to not remember it everyday. I had learned to let go of her enough so we could be apart and I could laugh with her without hiding behind it. I knew when I kissed her in her flat I was signing the warrant of my death and crashing the hard build walls I had constructed, but it was worth it in the end. I could live a thousand more lives feeling like this and still cherish that memory of making love…

And banging her against the refrigerator.

I stared at my phone for hours a day, debating on whether to call her. She told me not to come looking for her, and I respected that. I only wanted to clarify some things with her…

Finally, I dialed the numbers and listened to the phone connect and begin ringing.

"Hi, you've reached Bella – "

"Bella, it's me. Please don't hang up!"

"I can't get to the phone, but leave one!"

I was at a loss of words after the beep. "Bella… I'm sorry for calling, but I needed to hear your voice." I swallowed and sat down on my bed. "I'm leaving for recording tomorrow and needed to talk things over before I go.

"Look, Bella, I'd hate to leave this on your answering machine…"

"Why did you call?"

A voice on the other end startled me. "Bella?"

"Edward… I told you to forget about me."

"But you also told me not to forget about you… which I will always."

"Forget about me?"

I sighed, rubbing my free hand across my face. "Bella, why did you leave like that? What did I say?"

"Nothing, it's nothing that you did. There's nothing you could have done differently."

"It's the job, isn't it? I know I'm away a lot, but – "

"It's not the hours, Edward. I'm not good for your image."

"My image?"

"You have so much out there for you. I'm sorry about… you know. I didn't mean to say anything. The last thing I wanted was to make you guilty – "

"Guilty? No – "

"And if you felt pressured to say something because of my confession, I'm sorry and I didn't take anything you said to heart."

"Bella – "

"No, it's alright. You don't need to say anything. I understand, and I understand that the only reason that you did what you did was to satisfy your… your _lust_ that hasn't been fulfilled lately because of the hectic schedule of your job."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing!

"But I wanted to thank you for spending all that time with me. You never had to spend all that time with me…."

"I wanted to – "

"…and that parting memory, even though it will haunt me for life..."

"Bella, hear me out, please!"

"I've heard as much as I wanted to hear and I don't want to burden you any more. I've taken enough of your time."

"Then can I burden yours?"

"Look, I really should be going…"

"I love you, Bella!"

It was quiet on the other end of the line and for a moment I was afraid she had hung up.

"What?"

"I love you, and you being gone is killing me."

"I – "

"You said you've said enough to me, so just let me get my fill. That wasn't just a fuck, not even an excellent fuck. God, that meant so much more to me. You mean so much more to me. And what I really wanted to say is that it wasn't about my dick like I claimed it to be – it's about you and me. It wasn't only that, the truth is – "

"I have to go. Don't call me any more."

The line went dead.

I swallowed the emotion overcoming me and choked the words out quietly into the empty line. "I won't survive without you."

* * *

**Bella's POV**

_It's your life.  
You say you need a change.  
Don't all the dreams we've seen come true mean anything.  
You say it's different now.  
And you keep staring at the door.  
How can you walk away?  
Don't I matter anymore?_

_If being free's worth what you leave behind.  
And if it's too late for love to change your mind then its goodbye time.  
If we had known our love would come to this.  
We could have saved our hearts the hurt of wasted years.  
_

_Well it's been fun.  
What else can I say?  
If the feeling's gone words won't stop you anyway.  
If being free's worth what you leave behind.  
And if it's too late love for change your mind then its goodbye time.  
Goodbye, baby._

I hated Emmett at that moment. More than I thought I would. As soon as he handed me the unmarked envelope, I knew who it was from and what I should expect inside, but I hated him now because of my own ignorance. I never would have expected Edward to return the favor that I had paid him. The songs on my stereo blared through my flat and even though I wanted to, I couldn't move myself to turn it off. Song after song played and I sat buried in my blankets on the small love seat, left with nothing but the emotions of our rocky relationship. If he felt the same way I did listening to these songs, then I had just made the biggest mistake of my life.

I couldn't bring myself to believe it, though. I knew who he was. I knew the choices he had out there before him, the type of women he had at the tip of his fingers. Guys like him didn't crush on girls like me, let alone fall in love with them. Big shot, world renowned musicians weren't seen with college girls except maybe to get a fuck, which is exactly what I read our last night together to be.

That's why I had to hang up the phone before I had a chance to hear his confession.

It was so hard to leave… but he made it so easy by leaving me first. But at the same time not as hard as it would have been if I had felt from him what I was feeling through the wordless emotion radiating through the room now. After what he said in the kitchen I had no doubts of where he stood on the relationship.

He couldn't live with me there, obviously for his reputation. He couldn't live without me there because of the strain on the relationship both of us would feel – my emotions and his lack; or the fact he'd actually have to go out and find a willing girl to satisfy his lust, not that he'd find a problem with that.

Listening to the songs made my heart ache more than it had driving away and forcing myself to not look back. It surprised me that he hadn't noticed my bags sitting by the door or the lack of furniture in the house. I hated it even more that he happened to show up at that particular moment – the single moment where I was losing the fight over my emotions regarding him… the single moment that I had reached a vulnerable point and grabbed the vodka to dull the pain.

I hated myself more than I could hate anyone though. I had a perfect friendship with him and should have kept it like that. I shouldn't have confessed anything to him – shouldn't have let my overactive emotions get in the way. I wouldn't be in the pain I was in now… I couldn't listen to any music without crying or enjoy watching Entertainment Tonight without having to force away the memories of meeting the stars with Edward.

If he loved me so much, why didn't he say something? If he loved me, why did he keep the relationship so casual?

Maybe, the rational side of me chimed in, he was afraid of doing exactly what you did – ruining a good thing.

It occurred to me right then, reflecting back to our first meeting at the coffeehouse. I was the one that kept steering him back toward friendship, away from anything serious or potentially harmful to my heart. Every time he brought up intimacy, I changed the subject. I forced him into friendship. He took me home when he had his choice of women at the club the night we met. He confessed that I drove him wild and he thought I was sexy as hell, while I told him he wasn't my type.

Everything pointed in the right direction; all the evidence was there… He loved me and I pushed him away.

No! I couldn't believe it. If he loved me he would have confessed his feelings when I confessed mine to him. He doesn't know what love is. He's only thinking with his dick.

The thought made me stop as the song on the player came to an end and the final note diminished in the room.

If he didn't know what love was, who was saying I knew?

* * *

**A/N: The song does not belong to me - it's Blake Shelton's _Goodbye Time_, however, we're pretending that Edward wrote and composed it ;) I will put on my profile a list of songs I imagine Edward including on his CD.**

**Review please!**


	30. Finale

**A/N: I can't believe it... LAST CHAPTER! It's dragged on for thirty chapters and I think the drama's getting to most of you, so here it is - the ending.**

**I'd like to apologize for the errors in the timeline. I have a lot more filler chapters for character development that I opted out of posting. The original timeline between their meeting and the chapter in which Edward runs from her at the club was three years and then another two years until the last chapter. However, I felt all the chapters weren't absolutely necessary and were mostly fluff, so I didn't post them. I'm sorry I didn't go back and correct the dates.**

**Without further ado - the last installment:**

**

* * *

**

"You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you had just been dumped by the love of your life."

I whirled around to see Emmett standing in the doorway.

"Shit, Em', how the hell did you get in here?"

"Your front door was unlocked. I knocked and you didn't answer, so I figured you wouldn't mind. Anyway, good thing I know that you and Bella were never intimate and were nothing better than friends connected at the hip."

"I still can't believe she's gone."

"Jeeze, Ed, and you wonder why you had relationship issues. If you cared for any of your girlfriends half as much as this girl you might actually keep a relationship for awhile."

"Bella's not some girl, Emmett," I snapped, standing up from my chair and pacing the room. "I don't even understand why she left. One minute she's crying and drunk of all things and the next she's gone."

"Are we talking about the same Bella? Because the Bella I know doesn't get drunk and she never cries."

"She has the occasional drink, but never enough to lose control of her emotions. And it's ironic that the only time I have seen her cry was when I met her and when I last saw her." I forced a laugh. "And they were both my doing."

"Well, what did she say when she left?" Emmett pried.

I shook my head, not wanting to go into the details of our complex relationship that he didn't understand. "I comforted her and when I woke up she was gone."

"Whow, hold up there. You comforted her? Edward, tell me you didn't."

"It's not what you think."

"Edward, I know you and I know how you comfort women."

"Bella's not any woman!"

"Oh, god, Edward. You actually fell for her."

I exhaled hard and turned away. I couldn't lie to him and he knew it, especially since I couldn't lie to myself any longer.

"Edward, how long?"

I didn't answer, I stared at my room and reflected back to the first night I had her here… in my apartment… in my bed.

"Ed?"

"Since I first laid eyes on her. I never felt like that when just seeing anyone. She captivated me, tantalized me. I screwed up."

"Why didn't you ever do anything about it? Why didn't you ever tell her?"

I turned to face him again. "I screwed up, alright. I messed up the whole night and then ran after her tell her the truth. She knew, but she wasn't ready to hear anything and I'm pretty sure she was scared shitless of me, which she had every right. I had to make it up with her somehow and the thought of just leaving her behind me just wasn't an option. She settled on friends… reluctantly though. I don't think either of us expected it to go as far as it did."

Emmett was quiet behind me, not that I was paying attention to his reaction. My mind was flashing through the events of our progressing relationship – the close calls I had in taking it past friendship and the agony I had to go through in order to distant my heart, but not myself.

"How did you screw up?"

"No, Emmett."

"Edward, how did you guys meet? I know that story about finding her at a club and meeting the next day for coffee is bullshit."

"I slept with her alright! I fucking got her drunk off her ass and dragged her home! I stole her virginity, alright?!"

I took a breath and collapsed on the bed, burying my head in my hands. "I didn't know she was eighteen. I danced with her and bought her a few drinks, no where near enough to get her drunk. She'd never had alcohol before and she was such a cheap drunk. The way she danced… I couldn't get enough of her. I had to have her." I trailed off, remembering her body grinding against mine and her hands running all over my body.

I felt the bed dip as Emmett sat next to me. He didn't say anything for a long time and I wondered if he was waiting for me to continue. I had nothing left to indulge; I had said too much already, breaking the pact with Bella and blurting our secret.

"Man, I've never seen you so broken up over a girl before, Edward," Emmett said softly after what seemed like an hour of silence.

I stood up and ran both my hands through my hair. "I love her, Em'. I always have. All those women were just attempts to prove to myself I wasn't."

Pain ripped through my dead heart in a new wave and I was overcome with a sudden anger at myself. I fisted my hair until my scalp hurt and suddenly kicked the nearest thing which happened to be my bedside table. My foot connected with the leg and it instantly snapped causing the table to collapse and everything on it go crashing to the floor.

"And I fucked it up. I fucking scared her away and she won't even speak to me!"

I paced back and forth. "How did I become such a fuck up? I grab at all the shit that comes near me and the one good thing that comes into my life I let it go."

"Edward, if you asking me for my advice, I'd tell you to call her."

"She won't take my calls."

"Go to her then."

"I don't know where she is. I even tried the uni to find where she transferred to, but she didn't send out any transcripts."

"Edward, I know where she is."

I tripped over my own feet and stared, agape, at my brother. I grabbed onto the collar of his shirt and pulled him to a stand.

"Why didn't you fucking tell me where she is? Where is she?!"

The stronger man grabbed my hands and yanked me off of him, smoothing his now wrinkled shirt and staring at my like I was insane.

"You need to lay off a little, Edward."

"I know," I replied, rubbing my face. "But you can see why I've been trying to drink myself to a coma."

"I'll tell you where she is, but you've gotta straighten yourself out, man. You can't go see her in this state."

"Have you seen her?"

"Ya."

"And how is she?"

"She's alright."

"Yeah?" I asked, needing to know if she was really better off without me.

Emmett sighed and headed toward the bedroom door. "No. She hasn't left the house since she got there. I'd say she's worse of than you, but at least she's not turning to booze to drown her worries." He stopped and put a hand to the doorjam. "She loves you, Ed. I think you were too concerned with trying to repress your own to have ever seen it, but she was smitten with you from the start. All of us knew it. You really put her down with Tanya and being away so long. I came here to punch you for hurting her so badly, but seeing that you are torturing yourself, I'll save myself the trouble. I hope you'll do the right thing."

* * *

"Bella."

She looked horrible. Her hair was greasy and unwashed, pulled back into a messy ponytail. Her overly baggy clothes were wrinkled and riddled with stains, as if she hadn't changed in a few days. Most importantly and prominently were the circles under her bloodshot, swollen eyes, which proved she hadn't been sleeping, instead spending that time crying into her pillow.

Or Emmett's shoulder.

It pained me to know that she no longer turned to me for the comfort she needed. The pain hit me even stronger when I realized I was the cause of those tears.

"Bella," I whispered, stepping forward to run my finger under those beautiful eyes.

She closed her eyes shortly before turning away from my touch, a shiver snaking down her spine. "What are you doing here?"

"You couldn't think that I would really stay away did you?"

She leaned against the doorway as though she didn't have the strength to hold herself up on her own anymore.

"Look at yourself, Bella. You look horrible."

Her hard laughter didn't reach her eyes, which opened to stare at me coldly. "Leave it to you to make me feel so good about myself."

"You can't do this to yourself. You won't survive."

"I don't plan on it."

"If you would listen to me, you'll see this is all for nothing!" I begged.

"I've listened to you for three years! Three years! Look where it's gotten me!"

"If you're upset about your current predicament," I growled, "then you should have listened to me all those years ago when I told you to leave."

She set her mouth in a hard line, her eyes narrowing at me. "You always have to be right, don't you?"

"No, Bella! I'm never right! Not about you! I thought I could give you what you wanted, what you said you needed from me! I was lonely, empty before I met you. I fell in love with you, but I thought we could never be together because of who we are, so I settled for your company, convincing myself that it was enough. It pained me to keep my hands away from you almost as much as it did to stay away from you completely. It was what you wanted from me, and I would do anything, anything to make you happy. Don't you see, Bella? I'll be whatever you want me to be; my love for you is that deep. If you ask me to leave, I'll leave and you'll never have to see me again; it'll be as if I never existed."

The words cut through me. Giving her the possibility hurt me. I knew that I wouldn't stay completely away. Just far enough so I wouldn't affect her life any longer. I would keep her safe and when she was old, happily married with the children she's always dreamed of, I would leave for Italy and rid the world of my pitiful existence.

I knew as soon as the words left my mouth that it would be her choice of me. I knew that my love for her wasn't enough. I could never be with her. We were meant to be, but the world had gotten in the way.

I fell to my knees at her feet, my knees cracking the cement doorstep where I stood, unable to cross the barrier to her.

"I love you that much, Bella. Say the word and I'll be gone, but tell me the truth. I just need to know if those words you said to me the other night were true."

Tears streamed from her eyes and she righted herself up from the doorframe. "Don't go," she whispered.

I swallowed thickly. "I'm right here."

"Stay."

"Bella?"

I didn't want to interpret her words the way my heart wanted to. I would stay for as long as she wanted me to stay – a few minutes, hours, days… But I wouldn't get my hopes up until I heard it from her lips.

She cried harder, and more carefully dropped to her knees, using the doorway to ease her down, so she was looking eye to eye with me. "I love you, Edward. Please don't leave me!"

I grabbed her and pulled her toward me for a passionate kiss. She loved me. She wasn't drunk or asleep or professing her love to another man. It was me. She wanted me.

I kissed her with everything I had in me, trying to show her, the way words couldn't, what she meant to me. She returned the kiss with equal vigor, her hands gripping my cheeks and jaw so I wouldn't pull away – not that the thought would have crossed my mind. I hugged her body into mine with careful strength, my arms wrapped tightly around her frail torso.

I finally released her so she could get air, and I leaned my forehead against hers, keeping our lips only a fraction apart. Her dark brown eyes stared into mine.

"I'll stay with you for the rest of your life. This I promise."

I picked her up and carried her into the house, finally crossing the barrier of our friendship into something more, into what we both have been craving since we set eyes on one another.

I laid her on the bed, crawling in after her and pulled her toward my body.

"Don't let go," she whispered, her fingers pulling at my hair gently.

"I won't."

She rained kisses on my jaw and face, her hands traveling over my torso. My skin became hypersensitive to her touch, and I enjoyed the intense feelings her touch caused. Her hands slid under my shirt and a shutter ran up my spine. I fought the urge to arch my back off the bed at the intensity of it.

"Bella," I groaned, finding my hands and running them down her back to her buttock, pulling her roughly toward me, allowing her to feel the affect she was having on me.

She moaned and ground into me, not surprised at the fruits of her conquest. Her nimble fingers began unbuttoning my shirt. I tried to remain still and let her work, tried to keep my body under control. It was useless, I knew, but I didn't want to stop her.

Her hands pushed apart the sides of the shirt and she bent down to place scattered kisses on my open skin, while her hands drifted down to the button on my khakis.

I grabbed her hands, stilling her movement, and she looked up at me with questioning eyes.

"I won't be able to stop if you go any further."

"I don't want you to."

"Not tonight, Bella."

Her face dropped and she sat back on my legs. "Why?"

I sighed and sat up, stroking the sides of her face with my hands. "What I feel about you is more than physical. I want you to know that. I don't want to give you the wrong impression again."

She smiled softly and placed her hands over mine. "I know, Edward. I was crazy not to see it before, and I should have noticed the pain you were in."

"Bella – "

"I can see now, looking back, your feelings for me all along, I just want to know why you didn't tell me when I confessed mine to you."

"I wanted to, but I wasn't sure if you meant them. With how much you drank I wanted to be sure before I bared my soul to you. I couldn't stand the verbal rejection." I smiled softly before continuing. "I went out in the morning because I had plans on showing you just what you meant to me. I wanted to make you happy. But when I came back, you were gone."

"I thought you had run away. I thought you had given me what I wanted and were afraid of facing me in the morning."

"Never. I would have never done that to you." I leaned forward and placed my lips on hers. It was a soft, chaste kiss, but it held all of the apologies and forgiveness for both of us. I knew that with that kiss those memories would be sealed away, just as those memories from the night we met.

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you more, Edward."

I frowned. "That's not possible."

"Show me otherwise."

"I will spend an eternity – "

"Show me now. Make love to me."

"Bella – "

"I know, Edward. Please. Make love to me."

I realized then that of all the times we had been intimate, I never once showed her what sex was all about. It wasn't a fuck like I had done the past four times I had taken her. I had to not just pleasure her, but show her what she meant to me.

I had never made love before. But I had never loved anyone like I loved Bella.

I pulled her face toward mine and kissed her lingeringly, my lips molding to hers. I leaned back onto the bed, taking her with me and rolling on top of her. Her hands pushed my open shirt over my shoulders and I shrugged it off, leaving her lips to taste the skin along her jaw and throat.

I forced myself to move slowly, although the excitement of having her here and knowing my love for her was hard to overcome. She raised her arms for me and I carefully removed her shirt, stopping as I saw how frail she really was under her overly large clothing.

"Bella…"

"I'm sorry. Being without you… knowing you didn't want me… was harder than I anticipated. I didn't want to do anything anymore."

"You'll never be alone again."

A smile crept across her face. "Neither will you."

I leaned down to kiss her with more passion, speeding toward my original intentions. I didn't want to think of her words because I knew they weren't true. My bliss was interrupted with a deep pain inside of me. I would only have Bella for a few decades at best before her mortality took her from me. I didn't want to think about it. I wanted to enjoy her here… now… while she was with me. Enjoy her before she was just a distant memory.

I let my hands drift along her torso, her breasts, anything I could touch. She was here, with me, alive and well, loving me. Our life together was just beginning.


End file.
